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Funny Christmas Movie Quotes

Everyone loves a good Funny christmas movie quote


See some funny Christmas movie quotes:

 

 



It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

“Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings.”



A Christmas Story

Ralphie (after being shoved down the slide while seeing Santa): "No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!"
Santa Claus: "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."



Adult Ralphie: "Aunt Clara had, for years, labored under the delusion that I was not only perpetually four years old, but also a girl."




"The Polar Express" (2004)

"Seeing is believing, but sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can’t see." — The Conductor (Tom Hanks)



"Deck the Halls" (2006)

"That's what Christmas memories are made from, they're not planned, they're not scheduled, nobody puts them in their Blackberry, they just happen." — Kelly Finch (Kristin Davis)



"A Christmas Story" (1983)

"Christmas was on its way. Lovely, glorious, beautiful Christmas, upon which the entire kid year revolved." — Adult Ralphie as narrator (Jean Shepherd)



"A Christmas Story" (1983)

Ralphie (Peter Billingsley): "No! No! I want an official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!"


Santa Claus (Jeff GIllen): "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."




"A Christmas Story" (1983)

Mr. Parker (Ian Petrella): "Aaah! "Fra-GEE-leh!" It must be Italian!"



Mrs. Parker (Melinda Dillon): "Uh, I think that says FRAGILE, honey."



"Santa Claus: The Movie" (1985)

"A sequel. That’s it. We’ll bring it out on March 25, and we’ll call it … Christmas 2!" — B.Z. (John Lithgow)



"Ernest Saves Christmas" (1988)

"Christmas is just about my favorite time. Ever since I was a little kid, I always felt like it was my own personal holiday." — Ernest P. Worrell (Jim Varney)





Elf

Buddy: "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"



Buddy: "We elves try to stick to the four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup."



Buddy: "You stink. You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa."



Home Alone

Kevin: "This is my house! I have to defend it!"



The Santa Clause

Sarah The Little Girl: "Santa, how come your clothes are so baggy?"
Scott Calvin: "Because Santa is...watching his saturated fats!"
Sarah The Little Girl: "How come you don’t have a beard?"
Scott Calvin: "Because I shaved." (Pulls out a toy) "Now, do you want this doll or not?!? Go back to sleep!"





Santa Claus: The Movie

Santa Claus: "Don't you know who I am?!"
Joe: "Sure, you're a nut!"
Santa Claus: "I'm Santa Claus."
Joe: "Right, and I'm the tooth fairy."



The Santa Clause

Sarah The Little Girl: "Santa, how come your clothes are so baggy?"
Scott Calvin: "Because Santa is...watching his saturated fats!"
Sarah The Little Girl: "How come you don’t have a beard?"
Scott Calvin: "Because I shaved." (Pulls out a toy) "Now, do you want this doll or not?!? Go back to sleep!"



A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Harold: "I shot Santa Claus in the face! He's real, and I shot him in the face!"





Trading Places

Randolph: "Ezra! Right on time. I'll bet you thought I'd forgotten your Christmas bonus. There you are..."
Ezra: "Five dollars. Maybe I'll go to the movies... by myself."
Mortimer: "Half of it is from me."
Ezra: "Thank you, Mr. Mortimer." (mouths silently) "A**hole."



Jingle All the Way

Myron Larabee: "...and then they sit there and use subliminal messages to suck your children's' minds out! And I know what I'm talking about because I went to junior college for a semester and I studied psychology so I'm right in there, I know what's going on. They make the kids feel like garbage and you, the father, who's working 24/7 delivering mail so you can make an alimony payment to a woman that slept with everybody at the post office, but me! And then when you get the toy, it breaks and you can't fix it because it's little cheap plastic!"



"How The Grinch Stole Christmas" (2000)

"All right, you're a reindeer. Here's your motivation: Your name is Rudolph, you're a freak with a red nose, and no one likes you. Then, one day, Santa picks you and you save Christmas. No, forget that part. We'll improvise... just keep it kind of loosey-goosey. You HATE Christmas! You're gonna steal it. Saving Christmas is a lousy ending, way too commercial. ACTION!" – The Grinch (Jim Carrey)






"A Christmas Carol" (1938)

"Yes! Yes I do! I like Christmas! I love Christmas!" – Ebenezer Scrooge (Reginald Owen)



"The Shop Around The Corner" (1940)

Pepi Katona (William Tracy): [leaving Mr.Matuschek's room in hospital] Well Doctor, I would say it's a nervous breakdown. What do you think?



Doctor (Edwin Maxwell): It appears to be an acute epileptoid manifestation and a pan phobic melancholiac with indication of a neurasthenia cordus.



Pepi Katona: Is that more expensive than a nervous breakdown?



"It's a Wonderful Life" (1946)

"Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings an angel gets his wings." — Zuzu Bailey (Karolyn Grimes)



"It's a Wonderful Life" (1946)

"Merry Christmas, movie house! Merry Christmas, Emporium! Merry Christmas, you wonderful old Building and Loan!" — George Bailey (James Stewart)



"It's a Wonderful Life" (1946)

"[In book inscription] Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends." – Clarence (Henry Travers)




"Miracle on 34th Street" (1947)

''Oh, Christmas isn't just a day, it's a frame of mind and that's what's been changing. That's why I'm glad I'm here, maybe I can do something about it." — Kris Kringle (Edmund Gwenn)



"Miracle on 34th Street" (1947)

Mother (Maureen O'Hara): "Would you please tell her that you’re not really Santa Claus, that actually is no such person?"



Santa Claus (Edmund Gwenn): "Well, I hate to disagree with you, but not only is there such a person, but here I am to prove it."



 



"Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" (1964)

Yukon Cornelius (Larry D. Mann): This fog's as thick as peanut butter!



Hermey (Paul Soles): You mean pea soup.



Yukon Cornelius: You eat what you like, and I'll eat what I like!



"A Charlie Brown Christmas" (1965)

"Look, Charlie, let’s face it. We all know that Christmas is a big commercial racket. It’s run by a big Eastern syndicate, you know." — Lucy Van Pelt




"A Charlie Brown Christmas" (1965)

"Rats. Nobody sent me a Christmas card today. I almost wish there weren’t a holiday season. I know nobody likes me. Why do we have to have a holiday season to emphasize it?" — Charlie Brown



"A Charlie Brown Christmas" (1965)

"And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, ‘Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.’ And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host, praising God, and saying, 'Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.'" — Linus Van Pelt



"How The Grinch Stole Christmas" (1966)

"He puzzled and puzzled till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Christmas, he thought... doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps... means a little bit more!" – Narrator (Boris Karloff)



"The Year Without A Santa Claus" (1974)

Snow Miser (Dick Shawn): So, Mrs. C., how's your hubby?



Mrs. Santa (Shirley Booth): Not too good, Snowy, he's got a bad cold.



"Fred Claus" (2007)

Clyde (Kevin Spacey): "Where do you think you're going?"


Fred Claus (Vince Vaughn): "Delivering presents."

Clyde: "No you're not! Santa is the only one who can deliver the presents!"

Willie (John Michael Higgins): "No, only a Claus can deliver the presents, and that is a Claus."




Disney's "A Christmas Carol" (2009)

"If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with 'Merry Christmas' on his lips should be boiled with his own pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!" — Ebenezer Scrooge (Jim Carrey)






"White Christmas" (1954)

"And may all your Christmases be white. Merry Christmas!" — Bob (Danny Kaye), Phil (Bing Crosby), Betty (Rosemary Clooney) and Judy (Vera-Ellen)



"We're No Angels" (1955)

Joseph (Humphrey Bogart): "I’m going to buy them their Christmas turkey."



Albert (Aldo Ray): "Buy? Do you really mean ‘buy'?"



Joseph: "Yes, buy! In the Spirit of Christmas. The hard part’s going to be stealing the money to pay for it."






"The Muppet Christmas Carol" (1992)

Scrooge (Michael Caine): "Let us deal with the eviction notices for tomorrow, Mr Cratchit."



Kermit: "Uh, tomorrow’s Christmas, sir."



Scrooge: "Very well. You may gift wrap them."



"The Nightmare Before Christmas" (1993)

Mayor: "How horrible our Christmas will be!"



Jack: "No … How jolly."



Mayor: "Oh. How jolly our Christmas will be!"






"The Santa Clause" (1994)

Little Girl: Santa?


Scott Calvin: Scott Calvin.


Little Girl: How come your clothes are so baggy?


Scott Calvin: Because Santa is … watching his saturated fats.

Little Girl: How come you don't have a beard?


Scott Calvin: Because I shaved! You want this doll or not? Go back to sleep.




"Jingle All The Way" (1996)

"I gotta tell you, Santa, there’s something about this place that doesn’t seem quite … Kosher." — Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger)



"Jingle All The Way" (1996)

"Put that cookie down. NOW!" – Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger)



"Jingle All The Way" (1996)

Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger): You guys are nothing but a bunch of sleazy conmen in red suits.



Mall Santa: What did you call us?



Howard Langston: You heard me right. Conmen. Thieves. Degenerates. Low-lifes. Thugs. Criminals!



Mall Santa: At the North Pole, them are fightin' words, partner.





"Seinfeld" – The Strike (1997)

Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller): Many Christmas' ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.



Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards): What happened to the doll?



Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that, a new holiday was born. A FESTIVUS FOR THE REST-OF-US.






"How The Grinch Stole Christmas" (2000)

Lou Lou Who (Bill Irwin): [after sons have said they had seen the Grinch] "I'm sure they were just up on Mount Crumpit... playing with matches... defacing public property or something or other."



Mayor Augustus Maywho (Jeffrey Tambor): "Oh, well that's a relief."



"Elf" (2003)

"First we’ll make snow angels for two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookie-dough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle." — Buddy the Elf (Will Ferrell)



"Elf" (2003)

"You stink. You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa." –Buddy the Elf (Will Ferrell)



"Elf" (2003)

Leon the Snowman (Leon Redbone): Why the long face, Buddy? 
Buddy (Will Farrell): It seems I'm not an elf. 
Leon the Snowman: Of course you're not an elf. You're six-foot-three and had a beard since you were fifteen.



"Christmas With The Kranks" (2004)

"You’re skipping Christmas! Isn’t that against the law?" — Spike Frohmeyer (Erik Per Sullivan)



A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas

Harold: "I shot Santa Claus in the face! He's real, and I shot him in the face!"



Gremlins

Kate: "You say you hate Washington's Birthday or Thanksgiving and nobody cares, but you say you hate Christmas and people treat you like you're a leper."



"How The Grinch Stole Christmas" (2000)

"Blast this Christmas music. It’s joyful and triumphant." — The Grinch (Jim Carrey)



"Scrooged" (1988)

"It's Christmas Eve. It's the one night of the year when we all act a little nicer, we smile a little easier, we cheer a little more. For a couple of hours out of the whole year we are the people that we always hoped we would be." — Frank Cross (Bill Murray)



"National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" (1989)

"We're kicking off our fun old-fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel-drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols." — Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)




"Home Alone" (1990)

"This is extremely important. Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back. No toys. Nothing but Peter, Kate, Buzz, Megan, Linnie, and Jeff. And my aunt and my cousins. And if he has time, my Uncle Frank. Okay?" — Kevin McCallister (Macaulay Culkin)



"Home Alone 2: Lost in New York" (1992)

"Merry Christmas, you filthy animal." – Gangster Johnny on TV



Gremlins

Kate: "You say you hate Washington's Birthday or Thanksgiving and nobody cares, but you say you hate Christmas and people treat you like you're a leper."




Santa Claus: The Movie

Santa Claus: "Don't you know who I am?!"
Joe: "Sure, you're a nut!"
Santa Claus: "I'm Santa Claus."
Joe: "Right, and I'm the tooth fairy."