Step Brothers Quotes
Step Brothers Audio Clips
Step Brothers WAVs
Step Brothers Sound Bites
Brennan Huff (Will Ferrell): "I didn't want salmon! I said it four times!"
Brennan: "I'm not gonna call him dad."
Dale: "Alright, here's a scenario for you, Dad. Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I'm looking good. I've got a luscious V of hair going from my chest pubes down to my ball-fro. And she takes one look at me, and she goes: 'Oh, my god. I've had the old bull, now I want the young calf.' And she grabs me by the wiener..."
Nancy: "Hi, Dale."
Nancy: "Dale was telling me that he's really into kung fu and I was telling him that you're really into kung fu as well."
Nancy: "So, Dale, what have you been working on recently?"
Dale: "I can sing too. In fact I'll sing right now. (singing) If you wanna get down on these hairy balls..."
Dale: "Ha, ha. That's so funny, the last time I head that, I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur."
Dale: "If there's any foods that you like, I suggest you put your name on them, or they will be thrown out... by me. Uh, house was built in 1825 by General Custer. I wanna show you this room. Um, hold up. Ho, ho! You see this room?"
Dale: "You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learned doctors."
Brennan: "Bleep you, Dale! Bleep you!"
Dale: "Hey, man. Did you touch my drum set?"
Dale: "Where you going?"
Brennan: "You're drum set's a whore! I teabagged your bleep
ing drum set!"
Nancy: "What the bleep ing bleep !"
Nancy: "Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled 'rape' at the top of your lungs."
Brennan: "Look, I didn't touch your drum set, okay?"
Robert: "Alright that's it! That's it! You two guys leave me no choice. No television for a week."
Brennan: "This house is a bleep
Nancy: "Guys. Guys! Guys!"
Brennan: "You know what? I still hate you but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags."
Brennan: "Hey, Derek, you know what's always good for shoulder pain?"
Alice Huff (Kathryn Hahn): "Hi, I'm Alice, I'm Derek's wife."
Alice: "Oh, Dale. You are something. You are something."
Dale: "Industrial-strength night-vision goggles."
Brennan: "Holy Santa Clause shit."
Dale: "Let's play a game, alright? On the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur. Don't even think about it, just name it. Ready? One, two three..."
Brennan: "Is this a bad time?"
Dale: "Dad, Nancy, it's bad. It's so bad. There's blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why'd you let us do that? It's so bad!"
Office Woman: "Mr. Huff, Mr. Jeener is ready for your interview."
Dale: "We're here to bleep shit up."
Dale: "Okay, here's a shot out of a cannon: Opraha, Barbara Walters, your wife, you gotta bleep one, marry one, kill one. Go!"
Interviewer: "Mr. Huff, under your references, you listed Dale Doback. Which I know is this gentlemean, but you also listed 'Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior.'"
Brennan: "That sounds so cool. I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis."
Brennan: "What was he doing here?"
Brennan: "Hold on. We're not going on the boat, Derek's selling the house, we have to go to therapy?"
Brennan: "What the bleep
Robert: "I know it seems hard, but it's the best thing for both of you. We do it because we love you."
Brennan: "(A short clip of "Something To Talk About" performed a capella by Will Ferrell written by Shirley Eikhard)"
Dale: "You gotta know, I'm not just some guy. Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. Brennan, I can't even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus."
Dale: "This is gonna sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn."
Dale: "Now, let's move on to other business."
Brennan: "Hey, Derek, Sprechen sie dick."
Male Therapist (Ian Roberts): "Dale, I don't know how much you know about therapy but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself."
Therapist Denise (Andre Savage): "So I thought we'd begin talking about your parents' divorce."
Brennan: "Eat shit, Derek."
Alice: "Hi, my name is Jim. Wanna suck my dick for money?"
Alice: "Listen, I'm sick of being all coy and bashful, Dare. Okay?"
Brennan and Dale: "(A short clip of "Boats 'n' Hos" Performed by Will Ferrel and John C. Reilly)"
Robert: "You jagaloons! You're failures! Failures!"
Brennan: "And you're embarassing yourself, you geriatric bleep
Brennan: "You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She's a saint!"
Brennan: "You sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000."
Nancy: "Oh, and, Brennan? Denise called and said she can't go out with you on New Year's Eve because she's not your girlfriend, she's your therapist."
Alice: "I couldn't eat another bite of turkey without thinking of you inside of me. Come on, let's try something illegal."
Robert: "Wanna know what I got for Christmas? Hmm? A crushed soul."
Robert: "Hey, Tiffany. Wanna know what I got? A crushed soul."
Brennan: "What is this? What's happening?"
Nancy: "I cannot stress this enough: It is not your fault."
Dale: "It's just like Cold Case Files. It's just like Cold Case Files. It's just like Cold Case Files. People die everyday. Give him a proper burial in an unmarked grave. Ah! Brennan! You're alive! Oh, my god."
Employment Agent (Ken Jeong): "I notice that there's a long gap in your job history and it said for 22 years you went Kerouac on everyone's ass?"
Dale: "Look, I'm gonna be honest with you. I really need a job. And I will take any position, as long as it doesn't involve having sex with old ladies for money or bear traps. Those are my two bugaboos."
Dale: "Those are my two bugaboos."
Randy (Rob Riggle): "Goddamnit, I don't know what it is about your face, but I wanna deliver one of these right in your suck hole."
Brennan: "We should do this again. I think it was very constructive."
Dale: "What do you think, Brennan?"
Dale: "This isn't me. I'm bleep ing miserable. I had to get up at 10:00 this morning."
Robert: "Rock the bleep out of those drums, Dale!"
ing Catalina Wine Mixer."
Derek: "Look, I'm not great at this Hallmark stuff but, uh, Brennan, when I look at you now, I don't wanna kick you in the head quite as much."
Brennan: "Robert, Mom, Derek, this is my girlfrend, Denise."
Brennan: "What'd you think?"
Dale: "Alice, I like making sex with you. I do. But you're also married. It's over."
Dale: "I'm just saying, I think you gotta think about your options. I know that you are technically married now, but that does not mean that they have to live here."
Dale Doback (John C. Reilly): "Dad, we're men, okay? That means a few things. We like to shit with tho door open. We talk about pussy. We go on riverboat-gambling trips. We make our own beef jerky. That's what we do. And now that is all wrecked."
Brennan: "Where did he go to medical school?"
Brennan and Dale: "Pirate hats!"
Denise: "You both know this is completely bleep
ed up, right?"
Brennan and Dale: "Chewbacca masks!"
Brennan: "Sticks and stones may break my bones but I'm gonna kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!"
Brennan: "You see that white dog crap?!"
Dale: "We're not like you! We're grownups, motherbleep er!"