(Scott Cassin)

Welcome fellow mullet bowlers, the mullet committee, distinguished subs, and Mike Hendrichs

A great year for the Mullet Bowling League as there were a lot of new old faces and we may not see each other for a while. But the only person I will miss this off season will be the bartender at the Diversey Rock and Bowl. Even though I never really looked at her face.

Every team has added something to this league that makes it so much fun to participate and even though there was only one winning team at the end of the year, we are all winners in one way or another…

For instance…Take our 10th place team. The West Side Mullets
Denise got cocky and broke away from her team that lost in the finals last year (TO THE TRIM MULLETS) and decided to form her own group. Looking toi improve…..that didn't quite work out,… but if you can actually get Todd and John to show up for a few more weeks next year, you may be able to make a run.

Which brings me to our next and most experienced team in the League The Trash Mullets
All 4 players have been in the league for 3 years, however, unlike what we see in professional sports, apparently, experience does not mean all that much in the Mullet League.
Their most important off season project will no doubt be to replace the Batt's with someone that will still be willing to give Z a high five after a 30 MPH gutter ball.

Our next team is Mullets Gone Wild.
Al, Kristen, Kim and Chewy? Gone Wild? More like Mullets on Valium, or Mullets Gone to Bed.

Moving up the charts in the playoffs this year was… The Fem Mullets
Stephanie, Andrea, Tricia and Sheri. 4 stellar bowlers. Well, if you count Angela that's 5. And if you count Becky, that's 6.
So, six women that really define the term winning isn't everything.
All kidding aside, the six did make a vast improvement in the playoffs and we look forward to their positive attitude and fierce competitive fire in 2004.

Last year's Mullet Bowling champs… The Trim Mullets
In our sad attempt to repeat as champions, the only thing we did real well this year was, fire back shots after turkeys (the league as a whole is lacking in that area), loft our balls half way down the lane, lost all of our playoff games, steal bowling balls from other suburban bowling lanes and request as much Metal music as possible! ……..and That's about it!

The Skullets!
A fun group where most of the bowlers were new to the league. They were fun to play against, have a few beers, along with some laughs. However, you may want to change your team name to MDA for next year.
Mullet Display of Affection.

The Porn Mullets
A tough team to beat. They were unified with their own brand of bowling shirts. They accumulated the most points in the league through the regular season and even at season's end. They all were listed on the Standings Sheet with only one name, giving them elite status…much like Cher and Sting. But, in my opinion, what really made them good was their constant and undying will to be…SOBER! Which I hope is not the case tonight. Good job Porn.

Another tough team to beat…Chando and the Mullets
I have a theory on why this team bowled so well through the season. First, any time Brett Favre or apparently even just his jersey, plays in Chicago… it kicks a lot of ass!
Thank you very much, Andy.
Secondly…… I carefully watched as the season progressed, and if you watched Lee closely enough, he could be caught using all 10 of his bowling balls to knock down his team's pins.

Our next team is a very well rounded team… Viva La Mullet
Let me start with Carrie and Lana. 2 women that probably led the league in smiles, well wishing, laughter and an overall positive attitude that made them a pleasure to play against. Hell, even if you lost to them, you didn't feel so bad because of these two.
Matt and Brice. Temper Tantrum!

Last but not least… The Mulletov Cocktails
I could say a lot about our Champions and I probably should… but with averages of 164, 162, 150 and 163!…………………. Fuck you guys!

Thank you everyone for a great year. Before I leave the rest of the evening to Melissa,
I want to give you a slogan that my team will be using next year as well as President BUSH in his upcoming campaign.
TRIM IT IN 2004!