Monty Python Sound - Monty Python Audio Clips

Clips from Monty Python

Monty Python Quote
Monty Python Audio Clips
Monty Python WAVs
Monty Python Sound Bites

"And now, for something completely different."

"Death awaits you all, with nasty, big pointy teeth."

"How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?"

"Message for you, sir."

"Oh, I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay. I sleep all night and work all day..."

"Stop the program!"

"That's no ordinary rabbit. That's the most foul, cruel, and bad tempered rodent you ever set eyes on."

"You bastards! You vicious, heartless bastards!"

"You stupid bastard!"

"You yellow bastard! Get back here and take what's coming to you!"

monthy_python__always_look_on_the_bright_side_of_life.mp3

Big pointed teeth	John Cleese as Tim: "Death awaits you all, with nasty, big, pointed teeth!"
Bring out your dead	Eric Idle: "Bring out your dead!"
Ecky ecky	Michael Palin: "We are now the Knights who say... Ecky ecky ecky ecky, bih-kang, zoop-boing, zowenzum."
English pig dogs	John Cleese: "You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs!"
Feel happy	Old man: "I feel happy, I feel happy, I feel... Uhhh!"
Flesh wound	Graham Chapman as King Arthur: "Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left!" John Cleese as the Black Knight: "Yes, I have." Chapman: "Look!" Cleese: "It's just a flesh wound."
For no man	John Cleese: "I move ... for no man."
General direction	John Cleese: "I fart in your general direction!"
Hand grenade	Michael Palin: "Oh Lord, bless this, Thy hand grenade, that with it Thou mayst blow Thine enemies to tiny bits, in Thy mercy."
Happy occasion	Michael Palin: "This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who!"
Heh heh heh	Terry Gilliam: "Heh heh heh, hee hee hee, heh heh."
Hello	Woman: "Hello!"
Holy Grail music	First couple of bars from the movie theme song.
Message for you, sir	Sfx: Arrow flying through air, striking target. Eric Idle: "Message for you, sir."
Much rejoicing	Narrator: "And there was much rejoicing."
Nih	Michael Palin: "We are the Knights Who Say... Nih!"
Nih 2	Michael Palin: "Nih!"
Nih again	Michael Palin: "We shall say Nih again to you... if you do not appease us."
None shall pass	John Cleese: "None shall pass." Graham Chapman: "What?" Cleese: "None shall pass!"
Not dead	Old man: "I'm not dead!" Eric Idle: "Here. He says he's not dead." John Cleese: "Yes, he is." Old man: "I'm not!"

Now stand aside	Graham Chapman: "Now stand aside, worthy adversary." John Cleese: " 'Tis but a scratch!" Chapman: "A scratch?! Your arm's off!" Cleese: "No, it isn't." Chapman: "Well, what's that, then?" Cleese: "I've had worse." Chapman: "You lie!" Cleese: "C'mon, you pansy!"
People did feast	Michael Palin: "And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats..."
Please no more	Graham Chapman: "Please, please! No more!"
Quiet	Graham Chapman: "I order you to be quiet!!"
Repressed	Michael Palin as Dennis: "Help, help! I'm being repressed!"
Run away	Knights: "Run away! Run away!"
Sacred words	Michael Palin: "We are the keepers of the sacred words ... Nih, Ping, and Nee-wahm!"
Sacrifice	Michael Palin: "The Knights who say Nih demand a sacrifice!"
Shrubbery	Michael Palin: "We want ... a shrubbery!" Shock music stinger.
So be it	Graham Chapman: "So be it!"
Spank her	Carol Cleveland: "You must tie her down on a bed and spank her!" Women: "A spanking, a spanking!"
Spank me	Carol Cleveland: "Spank me!" Other women: "And spank me! -- And me! -- And me!"
Strange person	Michael Palin: "What a strange person!"
Taunt you	John Cleese: "Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time."
This is what they did	Old man: "Now this is what they did..." Knight: "Ah hah!" Woman: "Frank!"
Tim	John Cleese: "There are some who call me... Tim."
Ughfff	Old crone: "Ughfff!"
Very nice	Graham Chapman: "Are you sure he's got one?" John Cleese: "Oh yes, it's very nice."
Who sent you?	Graham Chapman: "Is there anywhere in this town where we could buy a shrubbery?" Shock music stinger. Old crone: "Who sent you?" Chapman: "The Knights who say Nih." Crone: "Ughfff! No! Never! We've no shrubberies here!"
Wipers	John Cleese: "You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!"
You shall die	John Cleese: "Then you shall die."
You tit	Eric Idle as Sir Robin: "You tit!"

mp1.wav

SOLDIER #1 (Michael Palin): "It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut."

mp2.wav

CART-MASTER (Eric Idle): "Bring out your dead!"

mp3.wav

ARTHUR (Graham Chapman): "Shut up, will you. Shut up!"
DENNIS (Michael Palin): "Ah, now we see the violence inherent in the system.ARTHUR: Shut up!"
DENNIS: "Oh! Come and see the violence inherent in the system! Help, help! I'm being repressed!ARTHUR: Bloody peasant!"

mp4.wav

ARTHUR: "Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left."
BLACK KNIGHT (John Cleese): "Yes I have."
ARTHUR: "Look!"
BLACK KNIGHT: "Just a flesh wound."

mp5.wav

BLACK KNIGHT: "I'm invincible!"
ARTHUR: "You're a looney"

mp6.wav

MONKS: "(chanting) Pie Iesu domine, dona eis requiem. (bonk)"

mp7.wav

VILLAGER #3: "Well, she turned me into a newt."
BEDEVERE: "A newt?"
VILLAGER #3: "I got better."

mp9.wav

GALAHAD: "Look, let me go back in there and face the peril."
LAUNCELOT: "No, it's too perilous."
GALAHAD: "Look, it's my duty as a knight to sample as much peril as I can."
LAUNCELOT: "No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on!"
GALAHAD: "Oh, let me have just a little bit of peril?"
LAUNCELOT: "No. It's unhealthy."
GALAHAD: "I bet you're..."

mp8.wav

FRENCH GUARD: "You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
GALAHAD: "Is there someone else up there we could talk to?"
FRENCH GUARD: "No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"

mp10.wav

KNIGHTS OF NI: "Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni! Ni!"
ARTHUR: "Who are you?"
HEAD KNIGHT: "We are the Knights Who Say... 'Ni'!"
RANDOM: "Ni!"
ARTHUR: "No! Not the Knights Who Say 'Ni'!"

mp11.wav

TIM: "Well, that's no ordinary rabbit."
ARTHUR: "Ohh."
TIM: "That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on."

mp12.wav

ARTHUR: "Run away!"
KNIGHTS: "Run away! Run away!..."

mp13.wav

SECOND BROTHER: "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thine enemies to tiny bits"

mp14.wav

BRIDGEKEEPER: "What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"
ARTHUR: "What do you mean? An African or European swallow?"
BRIDGEKEEPER: "Huh? I-- I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh!"

mp15.wav

ARTHUR: "In the name of the Lord, we demand entrance to this sacred castle!"
FRENCH GUARD: "No chance, English bed-wetting types. I burst my pimples at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!"

monty_python

Dr. Odd