<link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/skel.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/style.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/style-desktop.css" />

Funny Christmas Status

Everyone loves good Funny Christmas Status


See some super funny Christmas status:

  • I need to do laundry so bad I'm actually wearing Christmas stockings
  • And suddenly those annoying neighbors that leave their Christmas lights up all year long look like geniuses.
  • Christmas came early this year! My neighbor just upgraded our internet speed... I mean his internet speed. Or whatever...
  • Nothing is more sad than a gift card that says "Cannot be used for the purchase of alcohol."
  • Home Alone is like a kid’s version of Die Hard.
  • No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a fun thing to bonk someone over the head with!
  • It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.
  • Unfortunately, there was a lot more camel toe than mistletoe at the office Christmas party last night.(After Christmas)
  • I don't always cut down a fresh Christmas tree..but when I do, I pick the best one in my neighbors yard.
  • I can't wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
  • What if the zombie apocalypse hits on Christmas Eve and most the world is forever decorated in some twisted, undead Christmas motif?
  • “At least you love me.” I say to my pet as I hold them against my chest as they try to get away
  • Everyone’s getting into relationships. What am I getting into? MORE FOOD BRB.
  • To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
  • Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili's at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I've decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili's.
  • Hope your holiday is full of family and fun. And good luck combining those two!
  • Now it's too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
  • So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
  • This Christmas, if you plan on jingling, please jingle ALL the way. Nobody likes or respects a half a$$ jingler.
  • Dear Coworkers, all I want for Christmas is you... to not talk to me before 9am.
  • It's December! I guess it's time to pretend I'm putting up the Christmas lights... that I never took down from last year.
  • Giving me a Christmas ornament as a Christmas gift is like bringing vitamins to my funeral.
  • The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
  • Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don't get called and nobody gets arrested.
  • The downside of being a bomb disposal technician. It takes 6 hours to open Christmas gifts.
  • I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
  • I'd like to apologize for getting drunk and making an ass of myself at your Christmas party next week...
  • All I want for Christmas is you… and pizza too.
  • Its That time of the year to start wearing my Christmas outfit. Its all black, I have less chances of being seen when I am out at night rearranging peoples yard deer in to sex poses. I just feel Christmas needs more Ninjas!
  • Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
  • Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
  • If you invite me to your Christmas party, you can count on me to quietly eat the entire cheese plate, say nothing to anyone, and leave.
  • I’ve come to terms with the fact that it never “feels like Christmas” anymore because I’ll never be as happy as I was when I was a child.
  • I bought the Christmas Oreos... So don't tell me I don't have holiday spirit.
  • Santa saw your Facebook pictures. …You're getting clothes and a Bible for Christmas.
  • Judging by all of the cologne and shower sets I got for Christmas either people know I like to smell good or I am failing at it.
  • Rationally, I now understand that my parents were always Santa, but I still don't get how they made it to all those houses in one night.
  • My goal in 2015 is to accomplish the goals of 2014 which I should have done in 2013 because I made a promise in 2012 and planned in 2011.
  • Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.
  • I bet the frankincense guy was all like, “Let’s put the three items in one gift basket and the basket can be from all of us.”
  • Top 40 radio sucks because the same 6 artists sing 100 songs; Christmas music sucks because 100 artists sing the same 6 songs.
  • I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
  • The worst thing about finding out Santa isn't real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
  • I'm dreaming of a tight Christmas!
  • I wasn't planning on giving Christmas gifts this year until I heard about those exploding Samsung G7 Note phones.
  • I tried writing one of those braggy, family Christmas letters,, but it just started looking like a suicide note.
  • You know it was a good Christmas party when the next morning you wake up with tinsel in your ass.
  • Maybe in 2015 people will text me back.
  • This Christmas, let's put mistletoe in our back pockets so all the people who hate us can kiss our ass!
  • Ha! Who's laughing now, f*ckers that took your Christmas lights down last year!
  • I'm like the fruit cake of my family. Nobody likes me but I show up every Christmas anyway.
  • Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
  • My Christmas present to all of you? I took a naked selfie and deleted it.
  • Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
  • Whoever gets the gift from me that has scissors under the wrapping paper, I'm going to need those back.
  • Christmas shopping for dangerous toys. For kids I don't like.
  • I find it extremely rude when you open a card & there's no money inside.
  • It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.
  • I know what I'm getting for Christmas ... Fat. I'm getting fat.
  • Dear Santa, before I try to explain…..just how much do you already know?
  • Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty kids now that global warming is threatening his habitat.
  • Christmas shopping done.... I got everyone a box with a note in it that reads. "Sorry, the world was suppose to end so I didn't get you anything. Blame the Mayans!"
  • Check out our new Multiple Choice Trivia Site
  • Merry Christmas week! The time when it’s totally fine to put Peppermint Schnapps in your coffee every morning!
  • Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
  • Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.
  • Single all the way.
  • I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
  • It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! People are definitely getting in the holiday spirit, CRABBY, GRABBY and RUDE!
  • If by "help decorate the tree" you mean drinking beer on the couch yelling out everything you're doing wrong, then yeah, count me in.
  • My lack of Christmas shopping is pretty much dependent on the Mayans being right.
  • Christmas is just like a day at the office ... You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • Even before my very first birthday I was able to sense it was Christmas time. No...it wasn't Santa, Rudolph, Frosty, Nativity scenes, or a Christmas Tree. It was because my mom put eggnog in my bottle.
  • And the day after Christmas has revealed that the holiday is just an elaborate ruse to get you home to fix your parents computer problems.
  • Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I've been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It's time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.
  • You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer but you can’t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
  • If playing the same music constantly is a form of torture, do shops at christmas torture their employees?
  • Right now a FedEx driver is dropkicking your Christmas gift onto someone’s front porch.
  • Due to Global Warming Santa will be giving out Solar Panels to all the naughty kids this year!
  • Any of my friends who believe the "Mayan's Prediction" please let me know as soon as possible. Your opinion will only be based on this years Christmas gifts. Thanks.
  • All I want for Christmas is for these calories to not count.
  • Google should have a Christmas Season Street View that shows houses with Christmas lights.
  • Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.
  • “Merry Christmas” is just a really specific version of “Have a nice day”
  • Oh the weather outside is delightful, the balance on my account is frightful, what happened to all of my dough, I dunno, I dunno, I dunnnnoooooo
  • I knew you were coming so I baked a cake. It was delicious.