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Alcohol Puns

Everyone loves a good old alcohol pun. puns for our alcohol puns


See some alcohol puns:

  • I only drink on days beginning with "T". Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow.
  • By executive order, Russian vodka must be 50% alcohol. The proof is in the Putin.
  • My boss is a pig. Whenever he drinks swine he gets squealydrunk and hogs the spotlight. What a boar. I wish he’d improve his deporkment.
  • The leaders of the Prohibition movement were eventually arrested and charged for gin-ocide.
  • The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.
  • If you can drink away your hurts, it must have been champagne.
  • Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward.
  • I doubt vodka is the answer but it’s worth a shot
  • Sometimes I think I am a bad mother because I don't like wine.
  • I screamed at my neighbor, "What on earth are you doing on our roof!" He screamed back, "I saw you at the bar, and you said the drinks were on the house!"
  • I drink to forget that I accidentally once said "I love you" when ending a call with a customer service rep.
  • After the weekend the most difficult task is to remember names…
  • Who knows about African wines? A Somali, eh.
  • What's the difference of deer nuts and beer nuts? Beer nuts are a $1.75, but deer nut are under a buck.
  • Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?" Student: "A drinking problem."
  • Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
  • You won't drink away the alcoholism.
  • Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards.
  • There are drunk bikers. There are old bikers. There are NO old, drunk bikers.
  • Why does the alcoholic Avon lady walk funny? Because her lips stick.
  • A guy and a dog are siting at a bar. Dog says to guy, you think your wifes a bitch!
  • I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
  • What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.
  • I used to drink all brands of beer. Now, I am older Budweiser!
  • Your finest Scotch, please. "Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.
  • When you drink too much tropical drinks with coke in them? Peein’ a cola, duh.
  • In America, you find a party, in Russia, party always finds you.
  • A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
  • Transitional age is when during a hot day you don't know what you want – ice cream or beer.
  • That one liner 'i'm not drinking too much tonight' never goes as planned...
  • Whenever I go to a saliva bar, I order a chin- and tongue-lick.
  • A termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender?"
  • Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!
  • A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
  • A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer.
  • Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction
  • All the problems fade before a hangover
  • Too cold to drink? Have a mojito.
  • True story: I invented a singing beer, went on Shark Tank to get funding, but instead was met with a chorus of booze.
  • A statistically significant alcohol test is when you pee greater than .05.
  • What have eight arms and an IQ of 60? Four guys drinking Bud Light and watching a football game!
  • So much of being an adult is bringing a bottle of wine someone brought to your house to someone else's house