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Baltimore Ravens Jokes  

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  • What's the difference between Baltimore Ravens fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • What has eight arms and an I. of 60? Four Ravens fans watching a football game.
  • What did the Ravens fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
  • Did you hear that Baltimore's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • What's the difference between the Ravens and cigarettes? Mike Tomlin doesn't smoke cigarettes
  • Why doesn't Annapolis have a professional football team? Because then Baltimore would want one.
  • What's the difference between Baltimore Ravens fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • What is a Baltimore Ravens fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat Pittsburgh."
  • Where do you go in Baltimore in case of a tornado? M&T Bank Stadium they never get a touchdown there!
  • What's the difference between the Baltimore Ravens and a pinball machine? The pinball machine scores more points.
  • What do the Baltimore Ravens and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • Want to hear a Ravens joke? Ray Rice!
  • How many Ravens fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in Pittsburgh's shadow!
  • Why are so many Baltimore Ravens players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
  • How are the Ravens like my neighbors? They can't pick up a single yard!
  • How do the Ravens spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights
  • What does a Baltimore Ravens fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • Did you hear about the Ray Rice krispies? They go punch, drop, drag.
  • What does an Baltimore Ravens fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • How do you keep a Ravens fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Steelers black and gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • How many Baltimore Ravens fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • How do you casterate an Baltimore Ravens fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • What did the Steelers fan say to the Ravens fan? When you fill at least one hand with jewelry, then we can talk.
  • Why do the Baltimore Ravens want to change their name to the Baltimore Tampons? Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
  • I told Jon Harbaugh he doesn't have an elite quarterback.
  • How did the Baltimore Ravens fan die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
  • How do you recognize an Ravens player in a department store? He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
  • How do you know the Baltimore Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Baltimore. For the first offense, they give you two Baltimore Ravens tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • How do you know the Ravens had a 10-6 record this year? 10 arrests and 6 convictions.
  • Why is Ray Rice like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple Baltimore Ravens games.
  • How many Baltimore Ravens does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • How do you stop an Baltimore Ravens fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Steelers black and gold!
  • What do the Baltimore Ravens and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
  • Why can't Joe Flacco use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • How do you know the Ravens had a 8-8 record this year? 8 arrests and 8 convictions.
  • If you have a car containing a Ravens wide receiver, a Ravens linebacker, and a Ravens defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • What do you call a Ravens fan with half a brain? Gifted.
  • How do you stop an Baltimore Ravens fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Pittsburgh Black and Gold!
  • What do you say to a Baltimore Raven in a suit? Will the defendant please rise.
  • How many Ravens fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in Pittsburgh's shadow!
  • What's the difference between the Baltimore Ravens & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • What do the Ravens and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • How do you keep a Ravens fan from masterbating? You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
  • What do you call a beautiful girl in Baltimore? A tourist.
  • What do the Baltimore Ravens and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • What's the difference between the Baltimore Ravens & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • What's the difference between the Baltimore Ravens and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Baltimore Ravens.
  • Why do Baltimore Ravens fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • Why do ducks fly over M&T Bank Stadium upside down? There's nothing worth craping on!
  • Did you hear about the joke that Joe Flacco told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • How do you keep an Baltimore Ravens out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • What do you call an Baltimore Raven in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  • What is the new Ravens official cologne creating a lot of buzz? You wear it and the other guy scores.
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Baltimore Ravens fan? The bucket.
  • What do they call a drug ring in Baltimore? A huddle
  • What should you do if you find three Baltimore Ravens football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • How do you know the Maryland State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Baltimore. For the first offense, they give you two Ravens tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • Why can't Jamal Lewis be in the Ravens huddle anymore? It's a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
  • Did you hear the endorsement deal Ray Rice recieved? It was from black and decker.
  • What's the difference between the Baltimore Ravens and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • What's the difference between an Baltimore Ravens fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • He said "Well Flac you"
  • Why are Baltimore Ravens jokes getting dumber and dumber? Because Ravens fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What is the difference between a Ravens fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • Why can't Joe Flacco use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • What did the Ravens fan tell the Steelers fan? After the game, remember your still in Baltimore!
  • What do the Ravens and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday.
  • What does a Ravens fan say to a robber? I hate the steelers.