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Stupid One Liners ideas

Hopefully this list of Stupid One Liners ideas will inspire you. it really is one of the highlights of fun times


Even though you are can't think of one yourself - check out these ideas and suggestions for great one liners.

  • I'm selling a parachute – just as new, used only one time, didn't open once.
  • We've heard that ignorance of maths is growing geometrically, whatever that means.
  • It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
  • A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
  • It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
  • Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
  • I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
  • What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Anyone can roast beef.
  • Anonymous
  • Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.
  • Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.
  • I downloaded the Pinterest app and now my phone is stuck in a mason jar.
  • We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
  • Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.
  • Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege!
  • When I look into your eyes, I see straight through to the back of your head.
  • What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head? A Space Invader.
  • Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.
  • How does a farmer count cows? with a cow-calculator.
  • If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're invulnerable.
  • Were any famous men born on your birthday? "No, only little babies."
  • You have to be flexible to work here. On many occasions, you'll be asked to bend over and grab your ankles.
  • Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
  • Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
  • I know that there are people who don't love their fellow man – I hate those people.
  • Keep talking, someday you'll say something intelligent!
  • I'm having an introvert party and you're all not invited.
  • Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
  • I tried to hang myself with a bungee chord. I kept almost dying
  • I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
  • I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid.
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
  • I'm glad to see you're not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
  • You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway.
  • Girl, you got more legs than a bucket of chicken!
  • A skeleton walk into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.
  • Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.
  • Stop with the blind jokes ... I don´t see the point.
  • Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone.
  • Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
  • Where does one apply to be a "kept man"?
  • Why do the Scottish wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper from like a mile away.
  • You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?
  • Stupidity is not a crime so you are free to go.
  • The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
  • Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I... can't see.
  • Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity
  • We just got a fax. At work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
  • I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.
  • We must pay for the mistakes of our youth… at the drugstore.
  • I am probably single....because i didnt forward those chain messages in 2008
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Intelligent people, when assembled into an organization, will tend toward collective stupidity.
  • My father was stupid; he worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.
  • My ex-girlfriend told me nothing shocks her anymore so I switched her digital scale from Lbs to Kg.
  • ‘Who the hell allowed me to be born in this stupid head?' a Thought said and killed herself…
  • My email password has been hacked. That's the third time I've had to rename the cat.
  • I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
  • What's the definition of "Tender Love?" Two gays with hemorrhoids.
  • Avoid arguments about the toilet seat...use the sink...
  • I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.
  • Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep.
  • I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.
  • What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity.
  • My voicemail message is just instructions on how to send a text message with brief pauses filled with heavy sighing.
  • Im not saying I'm number one, uh sorry I lied I'm number one two three four and five.
  • I've decided to start taking something for my kleptomania.
  • He always finds himself lost in thought; it's unfamiliar territory.
  • It's better to have business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.
  • Whenever i have a headache,i take two asprins and keep away the children,like the bottle says.
  • I didn't do it, nobody saw me do it, you can't prove anything.
  • A man walks into a bar, the man behind him ducks
  • Your eyes are as blue as my toilet water at home.
  • I went to a peanut factory last week. It was nuts!
  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.
  • Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
  • I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.
  • I used to be in a band, we were called 'lost dog'. You probably saw our posters.
  • Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
  • American scientific companies are cross-breeding humans and animals and coming up with mice with fully functioning human brains.
  • Insanity is defined as doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.
  • She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.
  • I tried phone sex once, but the holes were too small.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • He is so dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.
  • He is so stupid… he got fired from an M&M factory for throwing out all the W's.
  • I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West.
  • Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming.
  • She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."
  • Dyslexic, you say? How do you spell that?
  • Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level.
  • How do you stop a fish from smelling? Cut its nose off.
  • I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  • Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.