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Sarcastic One Liners ideas

Hopefully this list of Sarcastic One Liners ideas will inspire you. it really is one of the highlights of fun times


Even though you are can't think of one yourself - check out these ideas and suggestions for great one liners.

  • If I promise to miss you, will you go, like, really far away?
  • When I see ads on TV featuring smiley housewives using some new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they’re clearly on
  • I have as much authority as the Pope
  • I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.
  • If A is a success in life, then A equals X plus Y plus Z. Work is X; Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut.
  • If idiots grew on trees, this place would be an orchard
  • A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
  • Pacifism is objectively pro-Fascist..."he that is not with me is against me."
  • My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I got drunk
  • If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
  • An excellent man: he has no enemies, and none of his friends like him.
  • Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do.
  • A baseball game is twice as much fun if you're seeing it on the company's time.
  • If you see me smiling it’s because I’m thinking of doing something bad
  • Hi there, I’m human
  • Not all men are annoying
  • I’m pretty sure I married someone else’s soulmate
  • Despite a lifetime of service to the cause of sexual liberation, I have never caught venereal disease, which makes me feel rather like an Arctic explorer who has never had frostbite.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, stop trying already
  • Think I’m sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care.
  • Sarcasm about Friends
  • You take my life when you do take the means whereby I live.
  • I can totally keep secrets
  • Please tell me this train of thought you’re on has a caboose
  • No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.
  • The trouble with the rat raceis that even if you win, you're still a rat.
  • Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face looks kind of funky
  • I've decided that perhaps I'm bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you
  • Don’t you hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious?
  • Sorry, my dog ate your text again
  • I always tell new hires, “Don’t think of me as your boss, think of me as a friend who can fire you
  • Friendship is Love, without his wings.
  • This obviously isn’t working out
  • To fall in love is awfully simple; to fall out of love is simply awful.
  • Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.
  • I would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
  • These parts of the work should be called: A best means for getting a headache!
  • Those of you who think you know it all are really annoying to those of us who do
  • He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
  • I’d be fine if there weren’t so much blood in my alcohol system
  • They say you are what you eat, so lay off the nuts already
  • Would you rather have a million bucks, or [insert name]’s head full of nickels?
  • Would you like to dance? No? You must’ve misheard me
  • No degree of dullness can safeguard a work against the determination of critics to find it fascinating.
  • He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, blame someone else and seek counseling
  • You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way.
  • Lord, defend me from my friends; I can account for my enemies.
  • In nature, there are neither rewards nor punishments; there are consequences.
  • You might love your life, but I think it just wants to be friends
  • Friends will keep you sane, Love could fill your heart, A lover can warm your bed, But lonely is the soul without a mate.
  • Sarcasm about Work
  • If we are the only intelligent life in the universe, at least there's a finite number of idiots.
  • I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror
  • I swear I wasn’t lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again
  • We English are good at forgiving our enemies; it releases us from the obligation of liking our friends.
  • A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.
  • My son asked me what it’s like to be married so I told him to leave me
  • Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.
  • Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face—once you shove them down the stairs, that is
  • The wastebasket is a writer's best friend.
  • Why do people make end-of-the-world jokes like there’s no tomorrow?
  • The key to happiness is self-delusion. Don't think of yourself as an organic pain collector racing toward oblivion.
  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup
  • Your mind might want to dance, but your body is a really awkward white guy
  • The sooner I shoot you, the sooner I’ll get out of jail for it
  • Always remember: You’re just as unique as everybody else
  • Your opinion is very important to me
  • Love is like heaven, but it can hurt like hell.
  • So many freaks, so few circuses
  • Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must be none of your business then
  • Honesty may be the best policy, but insanity is the best defense
  • God doesn't measure His bounty, but oh how we do!
  • #NAME?
  • Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.
  • I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
  • Take my advice — it’s not like I’m dumb enough to
  • Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend, and inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
  • True friends stab you in the front.
  • Love is a hole in the heart.
  • Strong people don’t put others down
  • If you’re here, who’s running hell?
  • Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it since you’re not that bright
  • Why0 is it that everything you love is either unhealthy, addictive, or has multiple restraining orders against you?
  • Masturbation is like procrastination—it’s all good fun until you realize you’re just fucking yourself
  • Hear that? It’s the sound of you not talking for once
  • Did something bad happen to you, or are you just naturally this terrible of a person?
  • Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
  • Sarcasm about Love
  • Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear bright—until they open their mouths
  • If you need so much space, there’s always NASA