<link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/skel.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/style.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/style-desktop.css" />

Quirky Status

Everyone loves good Quirky Status


See some super quirky status:

  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • That moment when someone you met for 3 seconds sends you a Facebook friend request.
  • I put the 'Me' in 'Someone' and things get awkward.
  • Women should not have children after 35. Really… 35 children are enough.
  • I think it's really cool how the word "OK" is a sideways person!
  • Seen it all, done it all, can’t remember most of it.
  • Line dancing was originally invented by women waiting in line for the bathroom.
  • Everyone is normal until you add them as your Facebook friend.
  • That moment when you try talking to someone you're hot for and you say GFBLQRINABAH instead of "I'm good thanks!"
  • I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.
  • Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
  • Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
  • I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
  • Google Maps really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
  • I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
  • I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • You didn't notice that that I used a word twice in this sentence.
  • Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  • You look like I need a drink.
  • Time is precious. Waste it wisely.
  • I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
  • Money talks…but all mine ever says is good-bye.
  • If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
  • We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.
  • If I went to hell, it would take me a week to realise I wasn't at work.
  • Today is the first day of the rest of your life...And if that doesn't work out for you, tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life...
  • If twitter wasn't around in the olden days why is there a hashtag button on landlines?
  • When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  • After (M)onday and (T)uesday even the week says WTF !!
  • A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • The farther away the future is, the better it looks.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • Silence is Golden. Duct tape is Silver :3
  • I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them.
  • Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
  • I am 100% done with today and about 37% done with tomorrow.
  • Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
  • I don't have goals. Goals are for soccer. I'm not soccer.
  • There are no winners in life…only survivors.
  • Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
  • Why didn't you reply to my text? Well, how am I supposed to reply to LOL?
  • Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
  • Why bother reading books? We have Eminem he can read a whole story in 4 minutes.
  • The real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women.
  • I have all the money I’ll ever need – if I die by 4:00 p.m. today.
  • The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.
  • I dance like a car dealerships inflatable tube man.
  • Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  • Relationship Status: COMING SOON
  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
  • Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
  • Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
  • Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
  • Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.
  • The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  • Lite: the new way to spell “Light,” now with 20% fewer letters!
  • Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
  • WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you a
    re not.
  • People tend to make rules for others and exceptions for themselves.
  • Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
  • I forgot to work out today. That's 5 years in a row!
  • “There's no half-singing in the shower, you're either a rock star or an opera diva.” Josh Groban quotes
  • I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
  • All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  • The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
  • If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?
  • I've got a dig bick. You read that wrong. The awkward when you read that wrong too and said 'Moment' when it wasn't there.
  • Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
  • Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
  • Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
  • We are all part of the ultimate statistic – ten out of ten die.
  • I intend to live forever. So far, so good.
  • Keep calm and know Google can help you find a way to fix almost every problem. If not it will tell you who can fix it.
  • Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
  • I went to see my doctor. “Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What’s wrong with me?” He said “I don’t know but your eyesight is perfect.”
  • I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it
  • If winning isn’t everything why do they keep score?
  • Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.
  • The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
  • I don’t have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
  • Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
  • When I get a pimple on my tongue I always feel guilty in case I've told a white lie.
  • Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
  • If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
  • If Relationship between man and women were shoes, I'd wear you out. But I wouldn't wear you out in public.
  • Most of the fruits I know now and did not know were existed - Is only because of the shampoo
  • The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
  • Some people say “If you can’t beat them, join them”. I say “If you can’t beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
  • T.G.I.A. (Thank goodness I'm awesome!)
  • Life’s like a bird, it’s pretty cute until it craps on your head.
  • If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
  • Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
  • You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
  • That awkward moment when you have a crush on the most inconvenient person possible.
  • A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
  • Back in 5 minutes (If not, read this status again).
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • A husband is someone who after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
  • A fact of life: After Monday and Tuesday even the calender says W T F.
  • Wife: I'm pregnant, what do you want it to be? Husband: A joke.
  • With all this technology above and under, humanity still hunts down one another.
  • The first 5 days after the weekend are always hard.
  • About to dance my feet silly!
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • Phew! Thank you, warning label. I was actually considering using my toaster in the shower this morning.
  • There is a great need for sarcasm font.
  • No, I’m not feeling violent, I’m feeling creative with weapons.
  • LIKE if you hate it when someone tags you in a photo you look horrible in because they happen to look so good in it.
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
  • Complex problems have simple, easy to understand, wrong answers.
  • Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  • When in doubt, mumble.
  • Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
  • Sometimes I prefer to use my face as emoticons.
  • Stop calling yourself hot, the only thing you turn on is the microwave!
  • We buy things we don’t need, with money we don’t have, to impress people we don’t know.
  • I am currently experiencing life at the rate of 15 WTF’s every hours
  • I’m in shape. Round is a shape isn’t it?
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.
  • Looking at school books and thinking - What a waste of a tree!
  • Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
  • By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
  • I saw a shampoo with the title: "Rich-looking" So I washed my purse ..
  • At first I didn't like my beard, then it grew on me.
  • Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
  • Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
  • There are two kinds of people who don’t say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.
  • Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.
  • A little boy asked his father, “Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?” Father replied, “I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”
  • Hi I'm James, let's bond.
  • Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
  • To find out a girl’s faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
  • Girls are like roads, more the curves, more the dangerous they are.
  • Friction is a drag.
  • A big shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money!
  • Nobody around here treats me like a glamour model, so I'm just going to sit here taking selfies by myself.
  • The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
  • Even if you are a mass murderer, International rogue,and children Abductor,People Will Still bless you "continue to be who you are" in your birthday.
  • I wasn't drunk, I was just testing if the plant was as soft as my bed.
  • I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
  • We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour
  • How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
  • Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
  • If something's not going right, try left.
  • I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What’s the proper etiquette here?
  • I may be fat, but you’re ugly – I can lose weight!
  • Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
  • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
  • Broken pencils are pointless.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
  • Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
  • It hurts when you go to unfriend someone and you find they've beat you to it!
  • I tried being normal once. Most boring hour of my life.
  • I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?
  • Birthdays are good for your health. Studies show those who have more Birthdays live longer.
  • "What's up cake?" "Muffin much".
  • The longer the title the less important the job.
  • I have a Impudent neighbor Knocking on my door at 2AM He's lucky I was in a drum lesson ..
  • A man is as young as the woman he feels.
  • By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
  • Nothing is illegal...Until you get caught.
  • If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
  • Everyone is normal until you find them on Twitter.