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One Liners on Life ideas

Hopefully this list of One Liners on Life ideas will inspire you. it really is one of the highlights of fun times


Even though you are can't think of one yourself - check out these ideas and suggestions for great one liners.

  • If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven’t completely understood the situation.
  • Having sex is like playing bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
  • Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
  • Time does'nt exist. Clocks exists.
  • The dogs bark but the caravan moves on.
  • How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
  • Life is about making an impact, not making an income. --Kevin Kruse
  • Dream in a pragmatic way.
  • Sounds like its time to get that Enterprise built!
  • Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve. –Napoleon Hill
  • Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
  • Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea what he did wrong.
  • I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn't complain.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it’s still on the list.
  • Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope.
  • If you 're still looking for that one person who will change your life take a look in the mirror.
  • A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  • We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone!
  • At what age is it appropriate to tell my dog that he's adopted?
  • I've been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now, I think I'll start calling them traditions.
  • Expect nothing. Live frugally on surprise.
  • I'm really good at stuff until people watch me do that stuff.
  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  • I used to be indecisive, now I’m not sure.
  • I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. –Michael Jordan
  • If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea, does that mean that one out of 5 enjoys it?
  • Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. –Charles Swindoll
  • It's bad luck to be superstitious.
  • Life is ours to be spent, not to be saved.
  • Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
  • No matter how bad things get, you got to go on living, even if it kills you.
  • Smile, breathe and go slowly.
  • Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
  • A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
  • Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
  • Where do they get the seeds to plant seedless watermelons?
  • The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. –Amelia Earhart
  • According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.
  • Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake a whole relationship.
  • We become what we think about. –Earl Nightingale
  • For every action, there is a corresponding over-reaction.
  • If humor was the foundation of my life, men were definitely the first floor.
  • Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
  • I got lost in thoughts. It was unfamiliar territory.
  • Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value. –Albert Einstein
  • The bold adventurer succeeds the best.
  • Take my advice — I'm not using it.
  • It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  • Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes...
  • Definiteness of purpose is the starting point of all achievement. –W. Clement Stone
  • I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
  • My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.
  • The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
  • That one liner 'i'm not drinking too much tonight' never goes as planned...
  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
  • Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. –John Lennon
  • If you're not supposed to eat at night, why is there a light bulb in the refrigerator?
  • Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
  • Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
  • Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
  • Life isn't about getting and having, it's about giving and being. –Kevin Kruse
  • I was born to be a pessimist - my blood type is B Negative.
  • I dream my painting, and then I paint my dream.
  • Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.
  • By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
  • The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  • I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse. –Florence Nightingale
  • There is no dance without the dancers.
  • Why is it that most nudists are people you don’t want to see naked?
  • Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
  • I am satisfied ... I see, dance, laugh, sing.
  • The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
  • If you are here - who is running hell?
  • If nothing was learned, nothing was taught.
  • I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.
  • I would like to slip into something more comfortable - like a coma.
  • Hospitality is making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
  • You won't drink away the alcoholism.
  • There are always flowers for those who want to see them.
  • Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. –Robert Frost
  • Why is it everything I love is either unhealthy, addicting or has multiple restraining orders against me?
  • Whatever you do always give 100% - unless you're donating blood.
  • Every strike brings me closer to the next home run. –Babe Ruth
  • I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
  • No bird soars too high if he soars with his own wings.
  • To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
  • The problem with trouble shooting is that trouble shoots back.
  • A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
  • One never goes so far as when one doesn't know where one is going.
  • The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
  • Life is too short to be little.
  • A total immersion in life offers the best classroom for learning to love.
  • Sure, I'd love to help you out ... now, which way did you come in?
  • You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. –Wayne Gretzky
  • Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're alive.
  • Learn from your parents' mistakes; use birth control.
  • My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance; we'll see about that.
  • I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.
  • Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do, so throw off the bowlines, sail away from safe harbor, catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover. –Mark Twain
  • Every moment is a fresh beginning.
  • One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.