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Funny Life Status

Everyone loves good Funny Life Status


See some super funny life status status:

  • Life Is Short. Smile While You Still Have Teeth.
  • My Mom Said ” Follow Your Dreams “, So I Went Back To Bed.
  • The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
  • With Great Power Comes Great Electricity Bill. ( Funny Whatsapp Status
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
  • Can I take your picture?? I love to collect pictures of natural disasters..
  • Chocolates Comes From Cocoa, Which Is Tree. That Makes It A Plant….So Chocolate Is A Salad.
  • You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
  • Don’t Make Me Laugh. I’M Trying To Be Mad At You.
  • I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
  • I’M Going To Stand Outside. So If Anyone Asks, I Am Outstanding.
  • If People Are Talking About You Behind Your Back, Then Just Fart.
  • My Idea Of A Good Morning Is One When I Open My Eyes, Take A Deep Breath, Then Go Back To Sleep.
  • We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
  • As Usual, There Is A Great Woman Behind Every Idiot.
  • wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
  • I Hate When I Plan Conversation In My Head & Other Person Doesn’T Follow The Damn Script.
  • Q Quite Man Is A Thinking Man. A Quite Woman Is Usually Mad.
  • I’ Not Hungry. But I Am Bored. Therefore, I Shall Eat.
  • God Made Every Person Different. He Got Tired By The Time He Got To China.
  • Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.
  • I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..
  • If Each Day Is A Gift, I Would Like To Know Where I Can Return Mondays.
  • Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
  • I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…
  • I Don’T Need A Hair Stylist, My Pillow Gives Me A New Hairstyle Every Morning.
  • Dear Math, Please Grow Up & Solve Your Own Problems. I’M Tried Of Solving Them For You.
  • Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.
  • The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.
  • My Boss Told Me To Have A Good Day….So I Went Home.
  • I Will Slap You So Hard That Even Google Won’T Able To Find You.
  • I have finally figured out why I can’t lose this extra weight. The shampoo I use in the shower that runs down my body says, “for extra volume and body.”
  • I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
  • Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
  • Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…
  • Cell Phones These Days Keep Getting Thinner & Smarter. People The Opposite. ( Funny Quotes
  • A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.
  • oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!
  • Life Is Full Of Questions. Idiots Are Full Of Answers.
  • If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..
  • I Can’T Taste My Lips. Could You Do It For Me ?
  • Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
  • Life’s a bitch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.
  • X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.
  • Sometimes I Wish I Was A Bird….So I Could Fly Over Certain People & Poop On Their Heads.
  • If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.
  • I’d call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.
  • Don`t you know it`s rude to talk while I`m interrupting?
  • There’S Always A Person That You Hate For No Reason. ( Funny Status for Whatsapp
  • Women May Not Hit Harder. But They Hit Lower.
  • The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
  • Be Strong I Whispered To My Wifi Signal.
  • I Love My Six Pack So Much. I Protect It With A Layer Of Fat. ( Funny Whatsapp Status
  • Am I Only The One Who Calculates How Much Sleep I Can Get Before Going To Bed ?
  • I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
  • Dear I Know We Had Problems When I Was Younger….But I Love You Now.
  • My Goal This Weekend Is To Move Only Enough So People Know I’M Not Dead.
  • Remember If We Get Caught, You Are Deaf And I Don’T Speak English.
  • Some relationships are like tom and Jerry, they irritate each other, they tease each other, but they still can’t live without each other..
  • I Wish I Lived In A World Wher Mosquitoes Would Such Fat Instead Of Blood.
  • ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
  • Marriage Lets You Annoy One Special Person For The Rest Of Your Life.
  • Every rule has an exception, especially this one.
  • I Don’T Have A Bucket List But My Fucket List Is A Mile Long.
  • All My Life I Thought Air Was Free….Untill I Bought A Bag Of Chips.
  • I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • Time Is Precious. Waste It Wisely.
  • I Hate It When People Are At Your House & Ask ” Do You Have A Bathroom ?” No, We Pee In The Yard.
  • Dear Karma, I Have A List Of People You Missed.
  • I Don’T Have To Worry About Getting Kidnapped, They Would Bring Me Back In Less Than An Hour. ( Funny Whatsapp Status
  • My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.
  • Math : Mental Abuse To Humans
  • Lazy Rule : Can’T Reach It. Don’T Need It.
  • That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.
  • The Word ” Studying ” Was Made Up Of Two Words Originally ” Students Dying “.
  • Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.
  • I follow the quote, “Always be true to yourself” because I only lie to others!
  • I Wasn’T Mad. But Now That You Asked Me 7 Times If I’M Mad…Yes, I’M Mad !
  • Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.
  • It’S Better To Be Absolutely Ridiculous Than Absolutely Boring
  • If You Tickle Me, I’M Not Responsible For Your Injuries. ( Funny Quotes
  • If Stress Burned Calories, I’D Be A Supermodel.
  • People Say Everything Happens For A Reason, So When I Punch You In The Face, Remember I Have A Reason.
  • Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it
  • The Four Words A Girl Most Wants To Hear. I Bought You Food.
  • Kiss Me If I’M Wrong But Dinosaurs Still Exist Right ?
  • If You Say You’Re Cooler Than Me….Does That Make Me Hotter Than You?
  • I Am Currently Experiencing Life At The Rate Of 15 Wtf’S Every Hours.
  • The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
  • Never Give Up On Your Dreams. Keep Sleeping.
  • I Don’T Always Get Asked Out On A Date. But When I Do….It’S On April 1St.
  • If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.
  • I Smile Because You’Re My Family. I Laugh Because There’S Nothing You Can Do About It. ( Funny Status for Whatsapp
  • If Women Could Read Minds, Every Second Man Will Get Slapped.
  • Oh! I Am Sorry. I Forgot. I Only Exist When You Need Something.
  • Don’T Think Of Yourself As An Ugly Person. Think If Yourself As A Beautiful Monkey.
  • Interrupt My Sleep & I’Ll Interrupt Your Breathing.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • I’Ll Be Back In 5 Minutes But If I’M Not Just Read This Message Again.
  • The Biggest Difference Between Men And Women Is What Comes To Mind When The Word Facial Is Used.
  • I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..
  • When Life Gives You Lemons, Squirt Someone In The Eye.
  • Nobody Texts Faster Than A Pissed Off Female.
  • I Am Brilliant Brunette With Lots Of Blond Moments.
  • You Don’T Have To Be Crazy To Hang Out With Me. I’Ll Train You.
  • I Won’T Be Impressed With Technology Until I Can Download Food.
  • Marriage Is A Workshop Where Husband Works & Wife Shops.
  • That Moment When You Miss One Step On The Stairs & You Think You’Re About To Die.
  • Zombies Are Looking For Brain. Don’T Sorry. You Are Safe.
  • Sleeping Is My Drug. My Bed Is My Dealer & My Alarm Clock Is The Police.
  • They Say That Love Is More Important Than Money, But Have Ever Tried To Pay Your Bills With A Hug ?
  • Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
  • Always Speak The Truth No Matter How Bitter Harsh It It. But Run Immediately After Saying It.
  • America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.
  • The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.
  • Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
  • I am going to start cleaning my house. And by cleaning, i mean drinking beer and spraying everything with febreze.
  • I”M Going To Bed Really Means I’M Going To Lie In Bed And Go On My Phone.
  • My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
  • An Apple A Day Keeps Anyone Away, If You Throw It Hard Enough.
  • The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
  • Sometimes, I Forgot How To Spell A Word So I Change The Whole Sentence To Avoid Using It.
  • FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END
  • During The Day, I Don’T Believe In Ghosts. Ar Night I’M Little More Open-Minded.
  • Thinks I feel great when I go to bed drunk. I wake up feeling crap. Obviously sleep is bad for you.
  • Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!
  • X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
  • Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
  • It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
  • I’M Great In Bed. I Can Sleep For Days.
  • That awkward moment when you keep talking & you don`t realize your friend walked away.
  • I Will Marry A Girl Who Looks Pretty In Aadhaar Card.
  • Please God If You Can’T Make Me Slim. Make My Friends Fat.
  • Be Warned : I’M Bored. This Could Get Dangerous.
  • X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.
  • Don’t let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.
  • Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.
  • If I Had A Dollar For Every Smart Thing You’Ve Said I’D Be Poor. ( Funny Whatsapp Status
  • I`m jealous of my parents, i`ll never have a kid as cool as theirs…
  • I’m a smart person, I just do stupid things.
  • History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
  • My Room Is Not Messy, It Is An Obstacle Course Designed To Keep Me Fit. ( Funny Whatsapp Status
  • Sometimes You Just Want To Throw Fertilizer At People So They Grow Up.
  • When I Was A Kid I Used To Think The Moon Followed Our Car Everywhere.
  • Long Time Ago I Used To Have A Life, Until Someone Told Me To Get Into Social Networking.
  • Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighbouring table n wish you”d ordered that.
  • I Will Do Anything Humanly Possible To Reach The Remote Without Getting Up.
  • When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
  • The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
  • I’M Super Lazy Today !! Which Is Like Normal Lazy, But I’M Also Wearing A Cape.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
  • Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “you can’t fire me, I Quit!”
  • Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
  • Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.