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Boston Celtics Jokes  

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  • What do you call 12 millionaires around a TV watching the NBA Finals? The Boston Celtics.
  • What do the Celtics and a nail have in common? They are both good till they hit the wood.
  • What's the difference between the Boston Celtics and a pinball machine? You can score more points against the Celtics.
  • How did the Boston Celtics fan die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
  • How do you keep a Celtics fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Boston green and white and he won't beat it for years!
  • Why are Boston Celtics jokes getting dumber and dumber? Because Celtics fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What does a Boston Celtics fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • Why did the chicken cross the basketball court? Because he thought Glen "Big Baby" Davis was going to eat him!
  • What do you call a Boston Celtic in the NBA Finals? A referee.
  • How many Boston Celtics players does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • How do the Celtics spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights
  • Why doesn't Connecticut have a professional basketball team? Because then Massachusetts would want one.
  • What do the Boston Celtics and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • What shouldn't Celtics fans wear Khloe Kardashian masks to distract the Los Angeles Lakers? Because a possibly pregnant white women scares the Boston Celtics players as well!
  • What's the difference between the Boston Celtics and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • Why do Boston Celtics fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • What should you do if you find three Boston Celtics basketball fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • What does an Boston Celtics fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • How do you stop an Boston Celtics fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Los Angeles Yellow and Purple!
  • What delayed Stephon Marbury's arrival in Boston? All the excess baggage he carried along with him!
  • How do you keep an Boston Celtics player out of your yard? Put up a basketball net.
  • What's the difference between an Boston Celtics fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • What is a Boston Celtics fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat Los Angeles."
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Boston Celtics fan? The bucket.
  • How do you casterate an Boston Celtics fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • How many Boston Celtics fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • If you have a car containing a Celtics power forward, a Celtics point guard, and a Celtics center, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • Why do ducks fly over TD Garden upside down? There's nothing worth craping on!
  • What is the difference between a Celtics fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.