Bruce Wayne: It's not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.
The Joker: This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Harvey Dent: You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.
Jim Gordon: He's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.
Bruce Wayne: People are dying, Alfred. What would you have me do?
Alfred Pennyworth: Endure, Master Wayne. Take it. They'll hate you for it, but that's the point of Batman, he can be the outcast. He can make the choice that no one else can make, the right choice.
Bane: When Gotham is ashes, you have my permission to die.
Maitre D: Sir, the pool is for decoration, and your friends do not have swimwear.
Bruce Wayne: Well, they're European.
Harvey Dent: The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming.
“Gotham, take control… take control of your city. Behold, the instrument of your liberation! Identify yourself to the world!” – Bane in The Dark Knight Rises
“You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” – Harvey Dent in The Dark Knight
“Some men aren’t looking for anything logical like money. They can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.” -Alfred in The Dark Knight
“When Gotham is ashes, you have my permission to die.” – Bane in The Dark Knight Rises
Detective Comics vol. 1' (1937-2011)
- Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. So my disguise must be able to strike terror into their hearts. I must be a creature of the night, black, terrible...
- Batman The Batman Wars Against the Dirigible of Doom Detective Comics #33 (November 1939), written by Bill Finger
The Long Halloween (1996-1997) by Jeph Loeb with art by Tim Sale
- "I believe in Jim Gordon. I believe in Harvey Dent. I believe in Gotham City."
The Dark Knight Returns (1986) by Frank Miller with art by Klaus Janson
- "[To Superman] I want you to remember Clark, In all the years to come, in your most private moments, I want you to remember my hand at your throat, I want you to remember the one man who beat you."
Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth (1989) by Grant Morrison with art by Dave McKean
- "Sometimes it's only madness that makes us what we are."
- "Criminals are a terror. Hearts of the night. I must disguise my terror. Criminals are cowardly. A superstitious terrible omen. A cowardly lot. My disguise must strike terror. I must be black. Terrible. Criminals are a superstitious cowardly lot. I must be a creature. I must be a creature of the night. Mommy's dead. Daddy's dead. Brucie's dead. I shall become a bat."
As The Crow Flies (2004) by Judd Winick with art by Dustin NguyenandRichard Friend
- "That vase was from the Ming Dynasty. Alfred will forgive me... eventually."
Batman: The Killing Joke (1988) by Alan Moore with art by Brian Bolland
- Batman: (to the Joker) "Hello. I came to talk. I've been thinking lately. About you and me. About what's going to happen to us in the end. We're going to kill each other, aren't we? Perhaps you'll kill me. Perhaps I'll kill you. Perhaps sooner. Perhaps later.
- Batman: (to the Joker) Don't you understand? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want either of us to end up killing the other. But we're both running out of alternatives, and we both know it. Maybe it all hinges on tonight. Maybe this is our last chance to sort this whole bloody mess out. If you don't take it, then we're both locked onto a suicide course. Both of us. To the death. It doesn't have to end like that. I don't know what it was that bent your life out of shape, but who knows? Maybe I've been there too. Maybe I can help. We could work together. I could rehabilitate you. You needn't be out there on the edge anymore. You needn't be alone. We don't have to kill each other. What do you say?
Batman: Year One (1987) by Frank Miller with art by David Mazzucchelli
- "Without warning, it comes...crashing through the window of your study, and mine...I have seen it before...somewhere. It frightened me as a boy... frightened me. Yes, father. I shall become a bat."
- "Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on -- none of you are safe."
Hush (2002-2003) by Jeph Loeb with art by Jim Lee
- "I made a promise on the grave of my parents that I would rid this city of the evil that took their lives. By day, I am Bruce Wayne, billionaire philanthropist. At night, criminals, a cowardly and superstitious lot, call me... Batman."
- "Criminals, by nature, are a cowardly and superstitious lot. To instill fear into their hearts, I became a bat. A monster in the night. And in doing so, have I become the very thing that all monsters become - alone?"
- "Deep down, Clark's essentially a good person... and deep down, I'm not."
- "They say that when you kill a man you not only take away what he was, but all he will ever be."
- "I have been to too many funerals."
Identity Crisis (2004) by Brad Meltzer with art by Rags Morales and Michael Bair
- "People think it's an obsession. A compulsion. As if there were an irresistible impulse to act. It's never been like that. I chose this life. I know what I'm doing. And on any given day, I could stop doing it. Today, however, isn't that day. And tomorrow won't be either."
Infinite Crisis (2005) by Geoff Johns with art by Phil Jimenez, George Pérez, Ivan Reis and Jerry Ordway
- (to Superman) "Everyone looks up to you. They listen to you. If you tell them to fight, they'll fight. But they need to be inspired. And let's face it "Superman"... the last time you really inspired anyone -- was when you were dead."
The Joker: Devil's Advocate (1995) by Chuck Dixon with art by Graham Nolan
- (to the Joker) "And when you're sitting here alone in the middle of the night, unsleeping in the dark, remember -- every breath you take you owe to me."
Batman #625 (2004) by Brian Azzarello with art by Eduardo Risso
- "And as the sun, that had been too afraid to show its face in this city, started to turn the black into grey, I smiled. Not out of happiness. But because I knew... that one day, I wouldn't have to do this anymore. One day, I could stop fighting. Because one day... I would win. One day, there will be no pain, no loss, no crime. Because of me, because I fight. For you. One day, I will win."
Batman RIP by Grant Morrison with art by Tony Daniel
- "Did I finally reach the limits of reason? And find the Devil waiting? And was that fear in his eye?"
- Nightwing: You want to know a secret? Everyone but me thinks you're nuts, there's a secret!
- Huntress: That's hardly a secret. - Nightwing/Huntress
- Black Canary: Hey, how'd you know about Cheetah's healing factor?
- Huntress: (shooting Cheetah) Healing what now? - Birds of Prey #97
- Tom: I don't talk to women who wear make-up, anyway. It's unclean. So just shut up.
- Huntress: Someone hasn't had a date in a while...
- Tom: Shut up! - Birds of Prey #69
- Talia: And Who are you? The Detective's consort? His woman?
- Huntress: Do I sense some jealousy there, Babe?
- Talia: You... - Robin #33
- "What is a friend? A single soul residing in two bodies." - Batman: Hush
- "All men by nature seek knowledge." - Batman: Hush
- "So... I see you received the free ticket I sent you. I'm glad. I did so want you to be here. You see it doesn't matter if you catch me and send me back to the asylum... Gordon's been driven mad. I've proved my point. I've demonstrated there's no difference between me and everyone else! All it takes is one bad day to reduce the sanest man alive to lunacy. That's how far the world is from where I am. Just one bad day. You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. I can tell. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up as a flying rat? You had a bad day, and it drove you as crazy as everybody else... Only you won't admit it! You have to keep pretending that life makes sense, that there's some point to all this struggling! God you make me want to puke. I mean, what is it with you? What made you what you are? Girlfriend killed by the mob, maybe? Brother carved up by some mugger? Something like that, I bet. Something like that... Something like that happened to me, you know. I... I'm not exactly sure what it was. Sometimes I remember it one way, sometimes another... If I'm going to have a past, I prefer it to be multiple choice! Ha ha ha! But my point is... My point is, I went crazy. When I saw what a black, awful joke the world was, I went crazy as a coot! I admit it! Why can't you? I mean, you're not unintelligent! You must see the reality of the situation. Do you know how many times we've come close to World War Three over a flock of geese on a computer screen? Do you know what triggered the last World War? An argument over how many telegraph poles Germany owed its war debt creditors! Telegraph poles! Ha ha ha ha HA! It's all a joke! Everything anybody ever valued or struggled for... it's all a monstrous, demented gag! So why can't you see the funny side? Why aren't you laughing?" - Batman: The Killing Joke
- "If the police expect to play against the Joker, they'd better be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck!" - Batman #1
- (to Judge Drake) "You can't win anyway... You see, I hold the winning card!" - Batman #1
- "I won't even waste the usual Joker Venom on you, Brute, but give you something you can understand...lead! - Batman #1
- "Very neat! That ugly head of yours does have a brain!" - Batman #1
- "I'm not mad at all! I'm just differently sane!!" - Batman and Robin #13
- (to Superman) "More powerful than a locomotive, and just about as subtle." - Superman/Batman: World's Finest
- "One by One, they'll hear my call. Then this wicked town, will follow my fall." - Batman: The Man Who Laughs
- "In my dream, the world had suffered a terrible disaster. A black haze shut out the sun, and the darkness was alive with the moans and screams of wounded people. Suddenly, a small light glowed. A candle flickered into life, symbol of hope for millions. A single tiny candle, shining in the ugly dark. I laughed and blew it out." - Identity Crisis
- "Madness is the emergency exit. You can just step outside, and close the door on all those dreadful things that happened. You can lock them away... forever." - Batman: The Killing Joke
- "Ladies and gentlemen! You've read about it in the papers! Now witness, before your very eyes, that most rare and tragic of nature's mistakes! I give you: the average man. Physically unremarkable, it instead possesses a deformed set of values. Notice the hideously bloated sense of humanity's importance. Also note the club-footed social conscience and the withered optimism. It's certainly not for the squeamish, is it? Most repulsive of all, are its frail and useless notions of order and sanity. If too much weight is placed upon them... they snap. How does it live, I hear you ask? How does this poor pathetic specimen survive in today's harsh and irrational environment? I'm afraid the sad answer is, 'Not very well'. Faced with the inescapable fact that human existence is mad, random, and pointless, one in eight of them crack up and go stark slavering buggo! Who can blame them? In a world as psychotic as this... any other response would be crazy!" - Batman: The Killing Joke
- "It's a clear choice -- me or Pettit. Vote or die. Cancer or tuberculosis." - Detective Comics #737
- "If I weren't crazy, I'd be insane!" - Batman: Dark Detective
- "They could put me in a helicopter and fly me up into the air and line up the bodies head to toe on the ground in delightful geometric patterns like an endless June Taylor dance routine — and it would never be enough. No, I don’t keep count. But you do. And I love you for it." - Batman: The Dark Knight Returns
- "See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum...and one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight...stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daredn't make the leap. Y'see...y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea...He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... he says 'What do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'" - Batman: The Killing Joke
- "Aren't I just good enough to eat?" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- "April sweet is coming in, let the feast of fools begin!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- "The guy goes into the hospital, okay? His wife's just had a baby and he can't wait to see them both. So he meets the doctor and he says, 'Oh, Doc, I've been so worried. How are they?' And the doctor smiles and says, 'They're fine. Just fine. Your wife's delivered a healthy baby boy and they're both in tip-top form. You're one lucky guy.' So the guy rushes into the maternity ward with his flowers. But it's empty. His wife's bed is empty. 'Doc?' He says and turns around and the doctor and all the nurses wave their arms and scream in his face. 'April fool! Your wife's dead and the baby's a spastic!!'" (he executes an asylum orderly with a gunshot to the head) "Get it? Oh, what a senseless waste of human life!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- "Parting is such sweet sorrow, dearest. Still, you can't say we didn't show you a good time. Enjoy yourself out there... in the asylum. Just don't forget -- if it ever gets too tough... there's always a place for you here." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- (to Batman) "Loosen up, tight ass!" — Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- "Oh, yes! Fill the churches with dirty thoughts! Introduce honesty to the White House! Write letters in dead languages to people you've never met! Paint filthy words on the foreheads of children! Burn your credit cards and wear high heels! Asylum doors stand open! Fill the suburbs with murder and rape! Divine madness! Let there be ecstasy, ecstasy in the streets! Laugh and the world laughs with you!" - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- "And he didn't die all at once. It was hours before the screaming stopped. I almost didn't get to sleep that night. That was the last time I'd used crushed glass..." - The Joker: Devil's Advocate
- "You dirty rat! You killed my brother! My sister! My daughter! She's my sister and my daughter!" - Batman: Dark Victory
- (to Batman) "Quick question: When the clock strikes twelve, do I get a little kiss?" - Batman: The Long Halloween
- "Hello Late-Show lovers...and lovers of the Late-Show!" - The Laughing Fish
- "Live...and in person! The Caliph of Clowns, the Grand Mogul of Mountebanks, the One and Only JOKER! Prerecorded for this time zone." - The Sign of the Joker
- "What's wrong with the World? After all the AGGRAVATION I went through just STEALING this crop-duster...you'd think they'd give me one that would FLY right." - Batman: The Long Halloween
- Drive-In Waitress: Take your order, please?
Joker: Yes, indeedy. Thank you. (Talking incredibly fast) I'd like the Big Beefer, Heavy Mustard, double pickles, three strips of bacon, make 'em crispy, ranch dressing on the side...
Waitress: Ah, sir...
Joker: Side order of fries, also crispy, one of those fake pie thingees with the boiling hot juice that scalds the roof of your mouth...I LOVE that...
Joker:Two of your special Egg Nog Shakes, a boy's kiddie meal, and I'll pay extra for a full assortment of the toys that come with it.
Waitress: Sir! You were talking way to fast. You'll have to repeat all that!
Joker: Of all the incompetence! Listen, you brain-dead Cephalapod! I have better things to do than repeat myself in the fleeting hope that through some MIRACLE you might somehow triumph over your own crushing ignorance and get ONE ITEM of my order right! I DEMAND to see your manager!
Manager: I'm sorry, sir. How may I help you?
Joker:(shoots the manager) I really wanted those shakes.
- "Every clown loves kids, captain. Just ask Sarah Essen-Gordon. Oh, that's right, you can't!" - Gotham Central #15
- (As Nightwing pummels him) "Aw... Jeez... I hit Jason a lot harder than that. (Pause) His name was Jason, right?" - Joker: Last Laugh #6
- "Ladies and Gentlemen, Hobos and Tramps, Cross-eyed mosquitoes and bowlegged ants. I come before you, to stand before you, to tell you a story I know nothing about. One morning in the middle of the night two dead fellows stood up to fight. They stood back to back, facing each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don't believe my lie, it's true, ask the blind lady on the corner, she saw it too." -Emperor Joker
- "Yum Yum! Dum Sum! Chinese food...made from real Chinese!" - Emperor Joker
- (To Harley as he turns her into a Constellation) "You get the best seat in the house for Armageddon. Say goodnight, Harley. I always wanted to see my dame in lights. Heh. Even in a moment of abject saccharine, I still got it." - Emperor Joker
- "I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled, kids!!!! Now get me Santa Claus!" - Batman #655
- "If I weren't insane: I couldn't be so brilliant!" - Dreadful Birthday Dear Joker
- "Both of us trying to find meaning in a meaningless world! Why be a disfigured outcast when I can be a notorious Crime God? Why be an orphaned boy when you can be a superhero?" - Batman #663
- "You can't kill me without becoming like me! I can't kill you without losing the only human being who can keep up with me! Isn't it IRONIC?" - Batman #663
- " The real joke is your stubborn, bone deep conviction that somehow, somewhere, all of this makes sense! That's what cracks me up each time!" - Batman #681
- "You think it all breaks down into symbolism and structures and hints and clues. No, Batman, that's just Wikipedia. You actually believed all it would take is a few chemicals, a couple of days of drug-induced isolation and a cheap little nervous breakdown and you'd have me all figured out? Like there was some rabbit hole you could follow me down to understanding?" - Batman #681
- "You really want to know what it feels like to be the clown at midnight? Where there's only ever one joke and it's always on you? Well, here you are. Now do you get it?" - Batman #681
- "Devil is double is deuce, my dear doctor ... and joker trumps deuce." Batman #681
- "Obvious...And everybody knows. You wear your shame like a badge, because you don't have the balls to actually pin one on.... Yes... Just look at you... Desperate to be feared, you want to be perceived as amonster, draped in black... And yet... You leave that little window... A glimpse at the perfection underneath. OBVIOUS; The chiseled jaw, the mouth of a monster... Why do you let it be seen? Tell me why...... - Joker
- (singing) "When the world is full of care and every headline screams despair, when the news are rape, starvation, war and life is vile...then there's a certain thing I do which I shall pass along to you that's always guaranteed to make me smile. I go Loo-oo-oony, as a lightbulb battered bug, simply Loo-oo-oony, sometimes foam and chew the rug...mister life is swell in a padded cell, it'll chase those blues away! You can trade your gloom for a rubber room and injections twice a day!" - The Killing Joke
- "A bit of advice...don't ever apologize to no one for the way you look" - Joker
- "I am the Champion of the WORLD!"- Elseworlds: Batman/Lobo
- "Laugh, clown, laugh...and laugh again! The police are completely at bay! Batman is baying at the moon! No one can beat the Joker! Soon, now...soon they'll see it my way! They'll know I mean what I say! Today, the American fish... and tomorrow all the fish in the world! But...what if everybody stops eating fish? I hadn't thought of that! What if they all conspire against me...leave my Joker-Fish in the sea? But no...that would never work! The VEGETARIANS wouldn't go along! And anyway...I could use my chemicals on cattle! JOKER-BURGERS! OUTRAGEOUS! - Detective Comics #476
- "Howdy, Stan, the Donutz man! This is a stickup, see? (holds two donuts up to his eyes like a mask) - Laughter After Midnight
- "Here's the cold, hard truth Bats...I don't hate you 'cause I'm crazy...I'm crazy 'cause I hate you. " - Batman: Cacophony
“Enough madness? Enough? And how do you measure madness? - The Joker”
Grant Morrison, Batman: Arkham Asylum
“If I have to have a past, then I prefer it to be multiple choice.”
Alan Moore, Batman: The Killing Joke
“Adults...struggle desperately with fiction, demanding constantly that it conform to the rules of everyday life. Adults foolishly demand to know how Superman can possibly fly, orhow Batman can possibly run a multibillion-dollar business empire during the day and fight crime at night, when the answer is obvious even to the smallest child: because it's not real.”
Grant Morrison, Supergods: What Masked Vigilantes, Miraculous Mutants, and a Sun God from Smallville Can Teach Us About Being Human
“You don't get heaven or hell. Do you know the only reward you get for being Batman? You get to be Batman.”
Neil Gaiman, Batman: Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader
“The world doesn't make sense until you force it to.”
- "That looks like it's gotta hurt. Well, I say that like I'm speculating or something. I know it hurts." - Batman: Under the Hood
- "I seem to have made myself an enemy of all the bad guys." - Batman: Under the Hood
- (after Batman tries to redeem him)"It's too late...you had your chance...and I'm just getting started." - Under the Red Hood
- (confronting Batman at the Ace Chemicals building) "Hard to forget that night, huh? In a way, Batman, this was the site of your first great failure. Maybe your greatest, but certainly not your last, right? Ah, memories." Batman: Under the Red Hood
- "You can't stop crime! That's what you never understood! I'm CONTROLLING it! You want to rule them by fear but what do you do to those who aren't afraid?! I'm doing what YOU won't! I'm taking them out!" -Under the Red Hood
- (after beating The Joker to a pulp) "Now tell me... How does it feel?"
- (to Batman) "Is that what you think this is about? You letting me die?! I don't know what clouds your judgment worse. Your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality. Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me. But why, why on God's Earth..." (kicks open a door, revealing the Joker.) "...IS HE STILL ALIVE?!?" Batman: Under the Red Hood
- (to Batman, about Joker) "Ignoring what he's done in the past-blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he's filled, the thousands who've suffered, the friends he's crippled. And I thought...I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt. If it had been you that he'd beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world, I would have done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil, death-worshipping garbage...and send him off to hell!!" Batman: Under the Red Hood"
- (after Batman explains why he never killed the Joker) "Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent. I'm talking about him. Just him. And doing it because... Because he took me away from you." Batman: Under the Red Hood
- "Hey...It's going to be hard to learn a great many things about me, but one I'll give you for free... I am no one's son." Batman: Under the Hood
- (to Onyx) "What do you think this was all about? We were going to rough these guys up and teach them a lesson? Welcome to planet Earth, baby! These dead sacks of meat on the floor made their living by beating, raping and devouring! Fear isn't the answer!" Batman: Under the Hood
- "You son of a b****." (about Batman, after returning from the dead and seeing that the Joker is still at large)
- "Yeah, well if you want answers to questions beyond reason...there is a guy in Arkham Asylum who wrote the book on crazy" -"Countdown"
- "I could kill you... but death would only end your agony -- and silence your shame. (lifts Batman over his head) Instead, I will simply... (snaps Batman's spine on his knee) ...BREAK YOU! (dumps Batman's broken body on the ground) Broken...and done." -Batman: Knightfall
- “I’d kill for anything. I’d kill to silence a grating voice, to darken the light in the eyes that dared look at me.” -Batman: Knightfall
- "I have only one rule when dealing with the enemy. Give them nothing. Not solace, not mercy, not kindness, not torment, not provisions, and - most assuredly - not satisfaction." - Secret Six #05
- "You break him by breaking everyone he loves and stacking them, defiled and ruined, in his grand foyer." - Secret Six #35
- "I'm listening, and when I say I'm listening, I'm also thinking about killing you."
- [When asking by Li if Red Hood is crazy for selling back their kryptonite for $50,000,000] "No. The crazy ones would make a suit out of the rock and march into Metropolis and play 'king of the mountain'. This one knows what he's doing."
- "I'm not pleased, you know. Not pleased at all. And despite appearances, this isn't a damned smile on my face."
- "I swear, it's like trying to run a crime organization with my mother."
- "And I'll just wait here... because I'm known for my patience."
- "Like the view? It's the only thing you'll be catching tonight." - Batman: Hush
- "Show a man what he expects to see, and he won't look beneath the surface." - Catwoman vol. 1 #1
- "It's such a waste when pretty things get broken." - Catwoman vol. 1 #2
- "Life would be so much easier if I didn't have this conscience!" - Catwoman vol. 1 #9
- "Live fast. Love hard. Die young. Leave a good-smelling corpse." - Catwoman vol. 1 #18
- "They may suspect me, but they'll never see me. They may chase me, but they'll never catch me. Never, never, ever catch me." - Catwoman vol. 1 #19
- "I'm a thief--and stealing is what I do. Not so much for the prize or the possession or even the profit...but for the art of doing it...because I can... and because I'm good." - Catwoman vol. 1 #38
- (to Batman) "You are part of the night, just like me. We're not afraid of the dark--we come alive in it...we're thrilled by it." - Catwoman vol. 1 #40
- "A long time ago, before I put on this mask, I was afraid of everything." - Catwoman vol. 1 #59
- "That's part of the rule. Never quit. Never let them see you're afraid. Above all -- never let them see you're hurt. Never let them see you cry. Never." - Catwoman vol. 1 #75
- "My world is all just shades of grey, Batman. That's why you'll never really understand me." - Catwoman vol. 2 #1
- "The East End. My soul is tied to this place now. Because it's cost me so much in blood and tears. But this is where the Catwoman was born. And if it has to be, this is where she'll die." - Catwoman vol. 2 #25
- (To Poison Ivy) "Oh my god. I get it. You're insane, aren't you?" - Gotham City Sirens #18
- (To Poison Ivy) "We both know you've been looking for a reason to say that for a long time. You never wanted me around. You've never liked me. But you could never justify it. Not to Harley." - Gotham City Sirens #21
- (To Harley) "Your ex-lover, a murderous psychopath who has repeatedly made our lives a living hell, nearly burns my new home to the ground and all you can say is 'gross'?!" - Gotham City Sirens #5
- "Aw, c'mon, Puddin' -- don'tcha wanna rev up ya Harley? Vroom! Vroom!" - Batman: Mad Love
- "Face it, Harl. This stinks -- yer a certified nutso wanted in twelve states -- and hopelessly in love with a psychopathic clown. Hey, when did my life go Loony Tunes!?" - Batman: Mad Love
- [to Batman] "I've never seen ya' laugh before... I don't think I like it. Cut it out! You're givin' me the creeps." - Batman: Mad Love
- "I found the Joker's psyche disturbing, his dementia alarming, and his charm irresistible!" - Batman: Harley Quinn
- "My love for my Joker was stronger than their madhouse walls." - Batman: Harley Quinn
- "Face it, Harley-- you and your Puddin' are kaput! You're playin' solitaire now-- not hearts!" - Harley Quinn #2
- [After being instructed by a SWAT team to "Get on her knees"] "Maybe when we get to know each other better." - "Harley Quinn #28
- (about Bruce Wayne ) "Brucie's got a lot more on the ball than you'd think. He's got a presence. He hides it under that society suave, but there's a real intensity. Only others I ever met like that were Mistah J... and Batman!" - Harley Quinn #6
- "Get up, you deadbeat! That was the only place in town with a scintillatin' selection of polyester fashion! Where you think I'm gonna shop now? - Harley Quinn #9
- "There's no such thing as safe sex with some alien races. Think acid-for-blood. Think mate-then-kill." - Harley Quinn #15
- "Well, what d'ya know -- looks like we ran outta friends... for a while, at least. And me the social type! Or is that sociopathic?" - Harley Quinn #18
- "If you think Arkham's scary as a doctor, you should try it as a patient." - Detective Comics #831
- "I'm crazy about... Well hey, I'm just crazy." - Gotham Girls
- (about Arkham) What a dump. - Gotham Girls
- (To Catwoman about Poison Ivy) "I understand. Yet, as a psychiatrist I feel that Ivy having social interaction with the regular world can only benefit... Ooh, cute puppy!" - Gotham City Sirens #11
“I run blindly through the madhouse ... And I cannot even pray ... For I have no God.”
Grant Morrison, Batman: Arkham Asylum - A Serious House on Serious Earth
“Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve. -The Joker”
The Joker: Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?
Bruce Wayne: What?
The Joker: I always ask that of all my prey. I just... like the sound of it.
Vicki Vale: What do you want?
The Joker: My face on the one dollar bill.
Vicki Vale: You must be joking.
The Joker: Do I look like I'm joking?
“Perhaps the knife was too slow.”
The Joker: Where does he get those wonderful toys?
[Batman dangles a mugger over the side of a building]
Nic: Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man! Don't kill me! Don't kill me, man!
Batman: I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Nic: What are you?
Batman: I'm Batman.
The Joker: Never rub another man's rhubarb.
Bruce Wayne: I know who you are. Let me tell you about this guy I know, Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.
The Joker: I like him already.
Bruce Wayne: Now you know the problem was... he got sloppy. You know? Crazy. He started to lose it. He had a head full of bad wiring, I guess.
[Walks towards the fireplace]
Bruce Wayne: Couldn't keep it straight up here.
[Points to his head]
Bruce Wayne: He was the kind of guy who couldn't hear the train until it was 2 feet from him.
The Joker: Hmm.
[Smiles and nods his head]
Bruce Wayne: You know what happened to this guy, Jack?
The Joker: [Shakes his head]
Bruce Wayne: Well... he made mistakes. Then he had his
[grabs a poker and smashes a vase]
Bruce Wayne: LIGHTS OUT! Now you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts.
Vicki Vale: [distracting Joker] Mr. Joker, you say such beautiful things. Oh, you're so powerful. And purple! Oh, I love purple.
Batman: Excuse me.
Batman: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?
The Joker: [fuming] Batman... Batman... Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a *bat* gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!
Vicki Vale: A lot of people think you're as dangerous as the Joker.
Batman: He's psychotic.
Vicki Vale: Some people say the same thing about you.
Batman: What people?
Vicki Vale: Well, I mean, let's face it. You're not exactly normal, are you?
Batman: It's not exactly a normal world, is it?
Grissom: That you, sugar bumps?
[turns around to see a man]
Grissom: Who the hell are you?
Joker: It's me, Sugar bumps.
Grissom: Jack? Oh, oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you'd been...
Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a woman. A *woman*! You must be insane.
[Grissom goes for his gun]
Joker: Don't bother.
Grissom: Your life won't be worth spit!
Joker: I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh... therapy.
Grissom: Jack, listen. Maybe we can cut a deal.
Joker: Jack? Jack is dead, my friend.
[steps into the light]
Joker: You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.
[laughs, and then proceeds to kill Grissom]
The Joker: [reciting his poem to Vicki] I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.
The Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
The Joker: [talking to a gargoyle] What are you laughin' at?
Batman: I'm going to kill you!
The Joker: You IDIOT! You made me. Remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals. That wasn't easy to get over, and don't think that I didn't try.
Batman: I know you did.
[punches him again]
Joker: I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.
Alfred Pennyworth: I have no wish to fill my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.
The Joker: The pen, is truly mightier than the sword!
The Joker: Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.
The Joker: And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!
The Joker: Sometimes I just kill myself!
Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces.
Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces!
Bruce Wayne: [Vicki goes to answer the front door; mouths] I'm Batman, I'm Batman.
The Joker: I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.
Joker: So gentlemen, that's how it is. Until Grissom, uh resurfaces, I'm the acting President, and I say starting with this anniversary festival, we run the city into the ground.
Ricorso: Why don't we hear this from Grissom?
Rotelli: Yeah. And what's with that stupid grin?
Joker: Life's been good to me.
Rotelli: What if we say no?
Joker: Well, Tony, nobody wants a war. If we can't do business, why, we'll just shake hands and that'll be it.
[Rotelli shakes hands with The Joker and starts to get electrocuted]
Joker: Whoo! Whoo! Oh, I got a live one here.
[the Joker starts to laugh hysterically, as Rotelli catches fire]
Joker: [singing] Oh, there'll be a hot time in the old town tonight.
[the Joker drops Rotelli, charred to a crisp, into his seat]
Joker: [fanning away the smoke with his hat] Antoine got a little "hot" under the collar.
Ricorso: You're crazy.
Joker: Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?
[He begins to laugh again and mops sweat from his brow, exposing a patch of chalk-white flesh]
Joker: NOW GET OUTTA HERE!
Joker: As though we were made for each other... Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.
[to Rotelli's charred and smoldering corpse]
Joker: Your pals, uh, they're not bad people. Maybe we, uh, outta give them a couple of days to think it over.
Joker: Grease 'em now? Well, OK. You are a vicious bastard Rotelli, and, uh, I'm glad you're dead!
Knox: You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say...
Eckhardt: I say... you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that.
Batman: You killed my parents.
The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you, you made me first.
The Joker: Hey, bat-brain, I mean, I was a kid when I killed your parents. I mean, I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." I mean, how childish can you get?
The Joker: My balloons. Those are my balloons. He stole my balloons! Why didn't somebody tell me he had one of those... things? Bob, gun.
[Bob hands him a gun, Joker shoots him]
The Joker: I'm gonna need a minute or two alone, boys.
The Joker: It can be truly said, that I have a bat in my belfry.
The Joker: Shall we dance?
Rotelli: What's with that stupid grin?
The Joker: Life's been good to me.
Joker: Bob, I want you to go down to the globe. Follow that reporter Knox. Take your camera. See what he knows about this Batman. And Bob...
Joker: Remember... you... are my number one... guy!
Bruce Wayne: You're a real nice girl, and I like you a lot, but right now, shut up.
The Joker: I've recently had a tragedy in my life. Alicia...
[lays the mask that Alicia wore on the table]
The Joker: ...threw herself out of the window.
Vicki Vale: Oh, my God.
The Joker: But, you can't make an omelette without breaking some eggs.
[breaks the mask and starts giggling]
Dist. Atty. Harvey Dent: We've received a letter from Batman this morning. 'Please inform the citizens of Gotham that Gotham City has earned a rest from crime. But if the forces of evil should rise again, to cast a shadow on the heart of the city, call me.'
Alexander Knox: Question. How do we call him?
Commissioner Jim Gordon: He gave us a signal.
[Commissioner Gordon activates the Bat Signal]
[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him]
Joker: Oh, I got a live one here!
[the Batwing is flying at Joker]
The Joker: Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch! Come to me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Come on!
The Joker: [Talking to Bob] You
The Joker: are my number one
The Joker: guy.
Jack Napier: Eckheardt! think a bout the future!
Joker: [sees Bruce Wayne enter the room] Well, Miss Vale, another rooster in the henhouse.
Eddie: Hey, let's beat it, man. I don't like it up here.
Nic: What are ya, scared of heights?
Eddie: I don't know. After what happened to Johnny Gobs...
Nic: Hey, look, man. Johnny Gobs got ripped and took a walk off a roof, all right? No big loss.
Eddie: No man... that ain't what I heard at all. I heard that the Bat got him.
Nic: The Bat? Aw man, give me a break, will ya?
Eddie: Five stories straight down. There wasn't no blood in the body.
Nic: No shit. It was all over the pavement.
The Joker: Into the air, Junior Birdman! Missed me!
Joker: Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!
The Joker: Bruce... Wayne, n'est-ce pas?
Bruce Wayne: Most of the time.
The Joker: Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.
[Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time]
Jack Napier: Nice outfit!
[the Joker sees a picture of Vicki Vale]
Joker: Stop the press, who is that?
The Joker: New and improved Joker products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex.
[Joker reads the newspaper]
The Joker: "Winged freak terrorizes"? Wait till they get a load of me!
Batman: You weigh a little more than a hundred and eight.
Vicki Vale: Oh really!
Batman: Let's go.
Jack Napier: Why, Eckhardt, you oughta think about the future.
Eckhardt: You mean when you run this show? You ain't got no future, Jack! You're an A-1 nut boy and Grissom knows it!
[Jack pushes Eckhardt against the wall, and Eckhardt whips out his gun. Bob steps up from behind Jack with his gun pointed at Eckhardt]
Jack Napier: Better be sure.
[Eckhardt's lowers his gun]
Jack Napier: See? You can make a good decision when you try.
[he chuckles as he and Bob walk away]
Batman: See that thing on my belt? Grab it! Whatever you do, don't let go.
Bruce Wayne: You wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts!
Joker: Antoine got a little hot under the collar.
The Joker: It's time to retire! Feel free to drop in.
[reaches for a pair of glasses in his pocket and puts them on]
The Joker: You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? Huh?
[Batman punches him]
The Joker: They don't make 'em like they used to! Do they, eh? Eh, Batsy?
[upon entering the museum]
Joker: Gentlemen! Let's broaden our minds. Lawrence?
The Joker: I'm of a mind to make some mookie.
Alfred Pennyworth: Miss Vale called again. Dare I suggest that your present course of action might simply strengthen her resolve. She is quite tenacious.
Bruce Wayne: You're right about that.
Alfred Pennyworth: And if I may say so, quite special. Perhaps you could try telling her the truth.
[about one of his suits of armor]
Bruce Wayne: It's Japanese.
Knox: How do you know?
Bruce Wayne: Because I bought it in Japan.
Vicki Vale: What can I do for you?
The Joker: Oh, little song, little dance. Batman's head on a lance.
The Joker: [examining Vicki's work] Crap... crap... crap... crap...
[sees pictures of war victims]
The Joker: Ah! Now that's good work! The skulls... the bodies... you give it all such a glow! I don't know if it's art, but I like it!
The Joker: Gotham City Cathedral, transportation for two.
Helicopter Goon: Right away, sir?
The Joker: Five minutes.
Helicopter Goon: Five minutes.
[Joker raises his head to look at the top of the Cathedral]
The Joker: Better make it ten.
Vicki Vale: [speaking across the entire dining room table] Could you pass the salt?
Vicki Vale: He's really wonderful? He loves you a lot.
Bruce Wayne: Alfred's a great one. I Couldn't find my socks without him.
Passenger: Excuse me.
Tourist Dad: I'm sorry, this is my cab.
Tourist Dad: Listen, I was here first!
[as the cab drives away]
Tourist Dad: Oh, God! Oh, taxi? Taxi!
Bob the Goon: Let him go, or I'll do Gordon.
Alexander Knox: Mr. Dent, I love that tie. We were discussing the pros and cons of winged vigilantes. What's your stand?
Dist. Atty. Harvey Dent: Mr. Knox, we have enough problems in this city without worrying about ghosts or goblins.
Alexander Knox: Pardon me, but that's not a denial.
Jack Napier: We've been ratted out here, boys.
Alexander Knox: The rich. You know why they're so odd? Because they can afford to be.
Knox: Lieutenant, is there a six-foot bat in Gotham City? And if so, is he on the police payroll? And if so, what's he pulling down... after taxes?
Alicia: [Bob brings Alicia in] Jack, you said I could watch you improve the paintings.
The Joker: Well I'm in trouble now.
Joker: [shows up unexpectedly at Vicki's place] Miss me? Nice place you've got here. Lots of space. Uh, Vicki, we've really got to have a talk. I'm very upset. We were having dinner. I was a man doing well with a beautiful woman. And without so much as an apology, you ran off with that sideshow phony.
The Joker: [after shooting Bruce Wayne] Why is it everytime I come for you somebody always gets in the way?
Vicki Vale: Aww! He took the film!
Jack Napier: Decent people shouldn't live here. They'd be happier someplace else.
Alicia: Pretty tough talk about Carl.
Jack Napier: Don't worry about it. If this clown could touch Grissom, I'd have handed him his lungs by now.
Alicia: If Grissom knew about us, he might hand you something.
Jack Napier: Don't flatter yourself, angel. He's a tired old man. He can't run this city without me. And besides, he doesn't know.
Vicki Vale: I just gotta know, are we gonna try to love each other?
Bruce Wayne: I'd like to. But he's out there right now. And I've gotta go to work.
Alfred Pennyworth: I thought champagne would be in order, ma'am.
Vicki Vale: Hi, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Mr. Wayne told me to tell you that he might be a little late.
Vicki Vale: I'm not a bit surprised.
[Jack is primping in front of a mirror]
Alicia: You look fine.
Jack Napier: I didn't ask.
The Joker: Joker here.
TV Technician: We got interference. Call the OB unit, will ya?
The Joker: Now you fellas have said some pretty mean things. Some of which *were* true under that fiend, Boss Grissom. He *was* a thief, and a terrorist. On the other hand he had a tremendous singing voice. He's dead now, and he's left me in charge. Now, I can be theatrical, and maybe even a little rough - but one thing I am not, is a *killer*. I am an artist. I *love* a good party. So, truce. Commence au festival!
The Joker: Darling, I've got to get you to the church on time.
Commissioner Jim Gordon: This is Commissioner Gordon! I want him taken alive! I repeat: Any man who opens fire on Jack Napier will answer to me!
The Joker: Who is that loss?
Bob the Goon: It's Knox.
The Joker: Bad tie.
Vicki Vale: I'm reading your stuff.
Alexander Knox: Well, I'm reading yours.
Vicki Vale: Hi! I'm Vicki Vale.
Joker: At midnight, I will dump twenty million in cash on the crowd. Don't worry about me, I've got enough.
The Mayor: We are not prepared to discuss any deals.
Joker: [pushes the Mayor off the TV] You heard it folks. Twenty million.
Alexander Knox: Maybe it should be Bruce Vain!
Mugger: "Man, let's go! Let's go, Jack!"
Bruce Wayne: Let me tell you about this guy I know. Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.
The Joker: I like him already.
[after revealling his latest "work", Alicia]
The Joker: Well, I'm no Picasso, but do you like it?
The Joker: We've got a flying mouse to kill, and I wanna clean my claws.
[Alicia sees Jack as the Joker for the first time]
Joker: Honey, you'll never believe what happened to me today.
Bruce Wayne: Y'see, my life is really... complex.
Grissom: Jack, it's an important job. I need... someone I can trust. You are my number one guy!
Joker: Have you shipped a million of those things?
Scientist at Axis Chemicals: Yes sir!
Joker: Ship 'em ALL! We're gonna take 'em out a WHOLE NEW DOOR!
Jack Napier: Brought you a little snack, Eckhardt.
[it's a wad of bills between two pieces of bread]
Eckhardt: Why don't you broadcast it?
Jack Napier: Shut up and listen.
Alexander Knox: [seeing Vicki for the first time] Hello legs!
Alexander Knox: [observing one of Wayne's odd sculptures] Check this out! He must have been "King of the Wicker People".
Vicki Vale: What about *your* family?
Bruce Wayne: Well, actually, Alfred is my family.
Vicki Vale: You know, this house and all this stuff really doesn't seem like you at all.
Bruce Wayne: Some of it is very much me. Some of it isn't.
Alfred Pennyworth: Oh, I regret to inform you that master Wayne is going to be a little late tonight.
Vicki Vale: [grinning] I'm not at all surprised.
“I offered them Utopia, but they fought for the right to live in Hell.”
Mark Millar, Superman: Red Son
“I'm the goddamn Batman.”
Frank Miller, All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder, Vol. 1
“Ladies. Gentlemen. You have eaten well. You've eaten Gotham's wealth. Its spirit. Your feast is nearly over. From this moment on...none of you are safe.”
Frank Miller, Batman: Year One
“Laugh and the world laughs with you!”
- "I believe in letting people do as they wish, as do I myself. Sometimes, of course, what I wish to do is kill them and they do not wish to die. This gives life interest." - The Question #29
- "Murder by disease. No art in it. No soul. Such a decadent way to kill." - Robin (limited series) #2
- "I cannot destroy you unless you permit me to." - The Question #36
- "I'm a warrior, not a murderer." - Batgirl #8
- "Karma. That I understand." - Batgirl #25
- "I am not allowing you to pass out. I want your men to see you beg. Then you will apologize with a pain you will remember always." - Birds of Prey #62
- "I answer this with blood and pain and cold, damp graves for my enemies." - Birds of Prey #62
- "That's the problem with the amateurs -- the histrionics. No sense of grace at all." - Birds of Prey #63
- "Perhaps death is just a little bit afraid of me." - Birds of Prey #63
- "All this ceremony, and the truth is: the body decays, the spirit is lost. It means nothing. Ashes or earth, I hardly see the significance of where they lay your corpse." - Birds of Prey #68
- "A baby? Certainly. I've had dozens of babies!! [Laughing] I've dropped litters in every corner of the globe!!" - Batman: A Death in the Family
- I care nothing for what happens or how I am remembered after death. To prove myself the best in life...that is my passion." - Batman #509
- "Of course, I know about bad luck... that's one of the lessons that this city teaches us all, eventually." - Gotham Central #1
- "The Penguin flies ever alone!" - Detective Comics #611
- "A perfect crime is a work of art, a thing of beauty, and a joy forever, to paraphrase the Bard!" - Detective Comics #611
- "Where's the thrill in committing the perfect crime if nobody knows it was you?" - Detective Comics #611
- "Despite the monetary wherewithal to indulge one's palate, your epicurean tastes run to the mundane. While I, on the other hand, intend to fill my gullet — until I have feted my ravenous appetite!" - Batman: Haunted Knight
- "Ahh... the Batman. While I have an affection for most flying creatures... the winged rat is not among them." - Batman: Haunted Knight
- (to Batman and Robin) "Why can't you two get a day job?" - Batman #572
- "Fortunately the Penguin is a wise old bird — never one to put all his eggs into one basket." - Detective Comics #824
- (To Black Canary) "Look at me. No woman in the world ever gets drunk enough, and believe me, I've tried." - Birds of Prey Secret Files & Origins
- "I hate this city. Nothing grows here." - Batman: Poison Ivy
- "Some things are worth dying for, Batman." - Detective Comics #752
- "I don't do that, Harley. I don't save people. I'm poison, remember?" - Harley Quinn #13
- "I have no interest in your deals. No interest in you, in any of you, on the outside. This park, this is Gotham now... its future. Reclaimed by nature, pure without mankind's assaults. It is a sanctuary now, and I am guardian. I will not let it be defiled. Not by anyone. Certainly not by you. Leave." - Shadow of the Bat #88
- "Suicidal men adore me." - Batman & Poison Ivy: Cast Shadows
- "I hate men. Because of what they do. They clip. They prune. They make us remake ourselves into what they want. A Madonna. A whore. A partner. A foe. And we do it. Because we need." - Solo #6
- (Batman about Poison Ivy) "There's a no man's land between love and hate. Between passion and obsession -- where it's easy to lose all sense of reality -- and in doing so, lose yourself. Somewhere in that emotional minefield... Pamela Isley wanders." - Legends of the Dark Knight #43
- "You're always responsible for the things you create." - Batman: Poison Ivy
- "Hello, lover. Long time, so see." - Batman: Haunted Knight
- "May your hell be a green one!" - Batman: Shadow of the Bat #56
- "Thoughtless. Worthless. Stupid. Man." - Batman: Hush
- "I'm an eco-terrorist of global importance. I make a contribution." - Gotham Girls
- (To Harley) "If I hear one more word out of you, just one, I swear I'll cram fast growing cactus seeds UP YOUR TUCHUS!" - Gotham Girls
- (To Harley) "Did you order explosives online again?" - Gotham Girls
- (To Harley) "Will 'sorry' bring back my beloved barrel cactus?" - Gotham City Sirens #5
- (To Harley) "Now if I could have a second of what I laughably refer to as your attention..." Harley and Ivy #3
Ra's al Ghul
- "Detective, as you know, I am cursed with a love for emptiness... desolation. It is a beauty to which my soul responds... as pure, as untainted as the deserts of my birth. I deem it my mission to purify this planet, to restore it to its former beauty... a mission I will brook no interference in." - Batman: Son of the Demon
- "The only thing that thrives outside these walls are the six billion shortsighted parasites who continue to ravage our planet’s natural resources. On its own, humanity is a destructive force. It needs a master." -JLA: Tower of Babel
- "Whoever said a picture was worth a thousand words... is about to see just how badly he miscounted." - JLA: Tower of Babel
- "Everything I have done, I do for the greater good." - Batman: Death and the Maidens
- "Life's full of questions, isn't it, Batman? Though, naturally, I prefer to think of them as riddles." - Batman: Dark Knight, Dark City, part 1
- "Riddle me this, What's black and blue and bleeds profusely?" - Gotham City Sirens
- "I used to be a somebody in this town. Now everybody has a gimmick. I was going to show them all. And I did." - Batman: Hush
- "The Lazarus Pit gives you a unique kind of... clarity. Riddle me this: Who is that under Batman's mask? And now, the world is my oyster. Right, Bruce?" - Batman: Hush
- "Question: How many times have you beaten me? Answers: Five. Ten. A hundred! But... question: What is Batman's greatest defeat? Answer: The death of Robin. Didn't like having your nose rubbed in it, did you?" - Batman: Hush
- "That is a riddle, isn't it?" - Batman: Hush
- "The mastermind always wants more. It's criminal nature." - Detective Comics #828
- "It's a mystery. Broken into a jigsaw puzzle. Wrapped in a conundrum. Hidden in a Chinese box. A riddle." - Batman: The Long Halloween
- "When does a killer... not kill?"- Batman: The Long Halloween
- "You don't understand... I really didn't want to leave you any clues. I really planned never to go back to Arkham Asylum. But I left you a clue anyway. So I... I have to go back there. Because I might need help. I... I might actually be crazy." - Batman: Gotham Adventures
- "I'm the goddamn Riddler! I'm not crazy!" - Batman #686
- (On being called a poor-man's Joker by Harley) "I am nothing like the Joker! Why does everybody keep saying that?! That clown is only interested in mirth, mayhem and murder! I, on the other hand, live for mental challenges! Games of wit! The chance to outsmart worthy opponents!" - Harley Quinn #6: "Who Wants to Rob a Millionaire?"
- "What's happened to us? The Joker's killing people, for Christ's sake!" - "Harley Quinn #6: "Who Wants to Rob a Millionaire?"
- (inside a museum that Batman has broken into trying to beat Riddler to a prized artifact. Riddler wasn't there though, but now he is) "Strapped to a bomb, leashed to a pesky reporter, battered, bruised, outnumbered, outsmarted, and personally granting your greatest enemy access to the very thing you were attempting to keep him from. I'm hazarding a guess here, but... not exactly the way you'd imagined this turning out, is it, sweetheart?" - Legends of the Dark Knight: "Riddle Me That"
- "The future is a riddle only time can solve." - Joker's Asylum II #1: "The House The Cards Built"
- "I know an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children, she didn't know what to do. She gave them some broth but gave them no bread. And she beat them and whipped them and put them to bed." - Batman: Haunted Knight
- "Professor Crane isn't here right now. But, if you'd like an appointment?" - Batman: Haunted Knight (also said in Batman Begins)
- "Oh yes, Heaven, father. From where no amount of praying ever draws Him out. 'God in Heaven!' 'God in Heaven!' 'Thank God in Heaven I don't look like that!' - Batman/Scarecrow: Year One
- "I once knew a man whose dog told him to cut his entire family into pieces. Bark. Bark. Bark. BARK!" - Batman: Haunted Knight
- "Knick Knack, Paddy Whack, Give a dog a bone!"- Batman: Haunted Knight
- "Hush, little baby, don't say a word..."- Batman: Hush - volume 2
- "Scream. Scream. Or I will make you scream." - Batman #630
Talia al Ghul
- (to Batman) "Beloved, you give too much thought to what is real and what is not, to what is true and what is false. I realize that is your way, but just this once, accept things as they are. Forego your control, your discipline. Just once, let yourself go... and take me with you." - Batman: Son of the Demon
- (to Batman) "What's wrong with you, Dark Knight? Why is facing psychopathic super-villians so much easier than facing your own emotions?" - Batman: The Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul #1
- (after killing Carmine Falcone) "Two shots to the head. If you ask me, it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." - Batman: The Long Halloween
- "I did what needs to be done." - Batman: The Long Halloween
- "How much longer did you think I would let the Falcone family tear Gotham in half? Splitting this city between good and evil. My city." -Batman: The Long Halloween
- "Can a man live two lives?" - Batman: The Long Halloween
- "The moon is so beautiful. It's a big silver dollar, flipped by God." (Starts to cry.) "And it landed scarred side up, see? So He made the world." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- "I am a lawyer. Yes. We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice. Insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure of the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity. God bless America." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- "I am a liar. No. We the acid scarred victims of history of evil and hypocrisy exalt criminals to office. Vietnam, El Salvador, Chile with lovely missiles, roaring bombs of the rich and the white and the pious and burn children and torture women. Forever and ever, amen. God bless America." - Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth
- (After coming into Vernon's office) "You believe in the justice system, don't you, Vernon? You didn't spend all those years in Law School for nothing, right? Then you know, justice has two sides. Innocent or guilty. Like this coin. One side clean. The other side scarred." -- Batman: The Long Halloween
- "You see, Harvey Dent was one of the good guys. Being good in this town means you need guts. You gotta' be tough. You gotta' do things that aren't in the lawbooks. The bat didn't have the stomach for it. He punked out on Harvey. The great outlaw protector of Gotham hid behind Lady Justice's skirts. But she's blind for a reason, brat. 'Cause she doesn't see what needs to be done in her name. I wanted you to understand that. Before it's all over, I wanted you to know. It wasn't me that killed you. It was the bat." - Robin - Year One