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Bad One Liners ideas

Hopefully this list of Bad One Liners ideas will inspire you. it really is one of the highlights of fun times


Even though you are can't think of one yourself - check out these ideas and suggestions for great one liners.

  • I was thinking about moving to Moscow but there is no point Russian into things.
  • I used to wonder why Frisbees looked bigger the closer they came… And then it hit me!
  • I’ve deleted the phone numbers of all the Germans I know from my mobile phone.
  • What do sprinters eat before a race?
  • Why do crabs never give to charity?
  • What’s the advantage of living in Switzerland?
  • It’s something I could really see myself doing.
  • How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
  • The Past, The Present and The Future walked into a bar.
  • Because they’re shellfish.
  • The doctor replies, “Because I’m trying to examine you”
  • Free of charge.
  • I used to go fishing with Skrillex. But he kept dropping the bass.
  • He says, “Uno, dos…” and then *poof*. He disappeared without a tres!
  • I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been trippin’ all day.
  • Why do birds fly south for the winter ? Because it's to far to walk.
  • I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have grater problems.
  • Why did the scientist install a knocker on his front door? He wanted to win the No-bell prize!
  • Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.
  • People are making apocalypse jokes like there’s no tomorrow.
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  • Jokes about menstruation just aren’t funny.
  • Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?
  • Gimme a pizza that.
  • I’m glad I know sign language. It can come in pretty handy!
  • Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
  • Q. Who's the most popular girl? A. She 's the one who can eat the last two doughnuts.
  • How do you make holy water?
  • Period.
  • Now it’s Hans free.
  • A hooker walks into the bank to put some recently acquired diamond earrings in her safety deposit box. The banker says to her "Ma'am I happen to know something about jewelry and those aren't real diamonds." "Oh my god" screams the hooker "I've been raped"
  • I went to the doctor today and he told me I had type A blood but it was a type O.
  • Looks tasty.
  • A police officer just knocked on my door and told me my dogs are chasing people on bikes. That’s ridiculous. My dogs don’t even own bikes!
  • If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas.
  • In case he gets a hole in one!
  • What can Woody Allen do that the New York Rangers can't? Woody Allen can score before the first period.
  • How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive" ? Olive? Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"
  • How do you tell the difference between a frog and a horny toad?
  • The guardians of the galaxy!
  • I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
  • My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
  • Roberto
  • Because people are dying to get in.
  • A barber.
  • What’s Forest Gump’s Facebook password?
  • No?
  • A mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3.
  • Why do prostitutes make more money than drug dealers? A prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.
  • Well, well, well.
  • She was only a whiskey-maker, but he loved her still.
  • Kara-tea.
  • I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.
  • Two egotists started a fight. It was an I for an I!
  • It was tense.
  • Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
  • Nothing, they fast.
  • What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung.
  • There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
  • José and Hose B.
  • A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
  • I think I want a job cleaning mirrors.
  • What do you call an overweight psychic? A four-chin teller!
  • What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
  • I wanted to take pictures of the fog this morning… But I mist my chance. I guess I could dew it tomorrow!
  • You boil the hell out of it.
  • Have you heard about the bulemic stripper? The cake comes out of her!
  • Without geometry life is pointless.
  • Q. Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? A. He's the one who can carry two pots of coffee and a dozen doughnuts.
  • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
  • I used to have a job at a calendar factory but I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.
  • What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
  • A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, “You need to stop masturbating.”
  • I gave all my dead batteries away today.
  • He pasta way.
  • 1forest1.
  • What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?
  • Cashier in the grocery: “Would you like the milk in a bag”?
  • Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • Well, the flag is a big plus.
  • I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
  • Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
  • Why did the pervert cross the road? He was stuck to the chicken!
  • The man asks, “Why?”
  • Why are there fences around a graveyard?
  • A frog says, ‘Ribbit, ribbit’ and a horny toad says, ‘Rub it, rub it.
  • Man: “No, just leave it in the carton”.
  • What do you call a Mexican man leaving the hospital? Manuel
  • You hear the one about the three holes in the ground filled with water?
  • What is the Karate experts favorite beverage?