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Health Puns

Puns about health - Misc. Health Puns


I love health puns ... pun-Health. hilarious-Health -puns.

  • Dr.'s are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it's tweetable.
  • Conjunctivitis.com — that’s a site for sore eyes.
  • Statistically…. 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.
  • I tried to look up impotence on the Internet, but nothing came up.
  • My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD. I told her to close the door five times on her way out.
  • I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
  • Wounds heal better if they are covered. This is an example of gauze and effect.
  • PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.
  • I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.
  • He slapped his two inches on the doctors desk. The doctor said "What is wrong with it?" "It's swollen."
  • Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
  • Going for a walk because I want to stay healthy. Taking along a box of M&M's because let's be honest here.
  • I don’t find health-related puns funny anymore since I started suffering from an irony deficiency.

  • The best thing to carry with you when you start feeling tired is a knapsack.
  • What do you call the medical condition where your feet go to sleep? Coma-toes.
  • The podiatry book used footnotes while the proctology book used endnotes.
  • My wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because, "Everyone just eats it."
  • I tried to look up impotence on the Internet but nothing came up.
  • I was just diagnosed as having a hernia. My wife and kids are setting up a truss fund.
  • Why was the broom having a bad day? He didn't get enough sweep.
  • If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?
  • Hospitals are I.V. league institutions.
  • There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass.'
  • I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
  • Subway is definitely the healthiest fast food available because they make you get out of the car.
  • He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart.
  • My wife has a cold. This morning she woke up and had her morning coughy.
  • Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  • If someone fails doing the Heimlich, is it fair to say that he choked?
  • I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
  • I don't understand what the point of acupuncture is.
  • I mixed up the cardiac resuscitation equipment with the lie detector, but I will de-fib you later.
  • Did you hear about the little girl who went upstairs to get some medicine? I think she's coming down with something.
  • Oxygen is proven to be a toxic gas. Anyone who inhales oxygen will normally dies within 80 years.
  • My wife is feeling better after getting her appendix removed. Unfortunately, she will never be able to reference this chapter of her life.
  • I felt super exhausted after giving blood. It's such a draining procedure.
  • Smoking will kill you... Bacon will kill you... But,smoking bacon will cure it.
  • A podiatrist adds insoles to injury.
  • My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve!
  • Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.
  • How did the picture end up in jail? It was framed!
  • Hyla Hope Harder - Tulsa, Oklahoma
  • My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.
  • Spoiler alert! The milk has been in the fridge for three weeks.
  • I don't get people who stumble into mirrors. They need to watch themselves.
  • I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.
  • A healthy sleep not only makes your life longer, but also shortens the workday.
  • I used to work at a hospital, but I got sick of it.
  • A friend of mine found out he has the bird flu. He thinks he was a victim of fowl plague.
  • Urine: opposite of ‘you’re out.'
  • Nurse: "We need a stool sample and a urine sample." Man to wife: "What did she say?" Wife to husband: "They want your underwear."
  • A man walks into the doctors and the doctor says, "I've not seen you for a while." The man replies, "Yes, I've been ill."
  • I don't engage in mental combat with the unarmed.
  • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.