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Crime Puns

Puns about Food - Misc. Crime Puns


Saw a duck walk through a jungle gym today ... pun-food. lettuce-food-pun. hilarious-food-puns.

  • Breaking: Energizer Bunny Arrested, Charged With Battery
  • A sign at a cemetery reads, “No Trespassing, Violators Will Face Grave Charges
  • Saw a duck walk through a jungle gym today
  • The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her
  • A clean thief always makes a stainless steal
  • What you seize is what you get
  • The warden gave the inmates acne medicine hoping it would keep them from breaking out
  • Vandals destroyed many road signs
  • A librarian caught stealing had the book thrown at her and was put in a three storey jail
  • The two guys caught drinking battery acid will soon be charged
  • Stolen eggs are poached
  • How did Mister Nucleus escape from prison? Through the cell wall
  • Some burglars are always looking for windows of opportunity
  • After a thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement, he became a hardened criminal

  • Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking
  • While stealing from a blood bank, the thief was caught red-handed
  • A lot of shady characters are waiting for their day in the sun
  • Looting a drugstore is called pillaging
  • Murder with knives is very messy, and I suggest not taking a stab at it
  • Prison walls are never built to scale
  • When the man was shot with a BB gun the case ended up in a pellet court
  • Where do you imprison a skeleton? In a rib cage
  • Lifelong counterfeiters never make any real money
  • Did you hear about the crime that happened in a parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels
  • They looted a drug store to see what pillaging was like
  • Weight loss pills stolen this morning - police say suspects are still at large
  • A criminal's best asset is his lie ability
  • What do you call a arrogant fugitive falling from a building? Condescending
  • He threw butter out the window in order to see the butterfly
  • A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability
  • A murderer had heartburn because of something the assassinate
  • A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement
  • The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large
  • Two robbers with clubs went golfing, but they didn't play the fairway
  • When an escaped prisoner was caught camping out in the woods it was a clear case of criminal in tent
  • Old burglars never die; they just steal away
  • They tried to keep a locksmith in prison, but the nut bolted
  • The short, clairvoyant just escaped from jail, making her a small medium at large
  • The case against a donut thief was full of holes
  • A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months
  • Some guy who stole a calendar got twelve months
  • He was a criminal with crooked thoughts and found it hard to think straight
  • A man stole a case of soap from the corner store
  • Vandalism is just a stone’s throw away
  • Novice pirates make terrible singers because they can't hit the high seas
  • The only similarity between ancient times and the 1970's is that both were full of people getting stoned
  • A nut named Hazel held up a bank, shouting, “Give me all the cashew have!”
  • When a thief stole several volumes from the library he was quickly booked
  • Two crime lords with clubs went golfing, but they didn’t play the fairway
  • A nut named Hazel held up a bank saying, “Give me all the cashew have
  • Two crooks bought a hotel
  • A basketball player and a jockey just robbed the bank
  • Criminals who fall into the mud have to come clean sooner or later
  • I got arrested at the Farmers Market for disturbing the peas
  • When just one prisoner working on a gang on a country road attempted to escape there was a chain reaction
  • Some prison inmates fell into poison ivy and started a rash of breakouts
  • Inflammatory talk is often seen as propane language
  • Got arrested at the mall and taken to food court
  • The two criminals caught drinking battery acid will soon be charge
  • A lingerie thief gave a police officer the slip
  • Employed by his jailbird father-in-law, a guy soon realized that when an in-law works for an outlaw, income depends on outcome
  • Why was the ink drop sad? Because her dad was in the pen and she didn't know how long the sentence would be! Fun Puns
  • The hostage said he couldn't stay on the phone long because he was tied up at the moment
  • Money launderers are filthy rich!
  • Some vandals destroyed all the road signs
  • A dry cleaner was indicted with charges pressed for money laundering
  • Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief? Because he wanted his diamondback
  • In jail convicts use cell phones
  • When the gunman walked in, he turned the store into a flee market
  • After the transvestite escaped from prison the only thing the police could tell the press was that she was still a broad
  • He threw jello at his wife, who had him arrested for carrying a congealed weapon