Golf Euphemisms
Browse through one liners to find funny one liners and cool one liners.
Check out our complete list of golf puns.
Are you looking for the best golf pun one liner? Find the perfect funny Euphemisms for your team.
- If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
- You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husband’s work.
- The people who gave us golf and called it a game are the same people who gave us bag pipes and called it music.
- They call it golf because the other four-letter words were taken.
- Good at it!?! I'm Grrrrrrreeeeaaaaatttttt!!!
- Tiger always plays from the tips, sugar pop.
- Hell yeah, I'll rake your kitty box.
- I got a friend who wants to hook up with you. Meet Fluff the Magic Dragon.
- Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is the beginning of the next group of three.
- The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so that you can’t see him laughing.
- I have a tip that can take five shots off everyone’s game. It’s called an eraser.
- I went to play golf to try and shoot my age, but I shot my weight instead.
- Golf is an easy game…It’s just hard to play.
- I was Sports Illustrated's "Swordsman of the Year." Twice.
- You got any Cablinasian in ya'? Want some?
- There are three roads to ruin; women, gambling, and golf. The most pleasant is with women, the quickest is with gambling, but the surest is with golf.
- I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk, and a moose.
- Tonight you're getting the full Arnold Palmer, it's half-brown, half-yellow.
- I know you can be fined for throwing a club, but I want to know if you can get fined for throwing a caddy.
- Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.
- I don’t care to join any club that’s prepared to have me as a member.
- Grass on the greens? I'm teein' it up!
- It won't be a dogleg left for long, sweetheart.
- Hell I’m going to make so much money this year, my caddy will make the top twenty money-winners list.
- If there is a ball on the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint.
- A recent survey said that a caddy lives the longest of all jobs. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise, and if there ever is a medical emergency, there is always a doctor nearby.
- The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
- Nobody but you and your caddy care what you do out there, and if your caddy is betting against you, he doesn’t care either.
- Many golfers prefer a cart to a caddy because a cart can’t count, criticize or laugh.
- A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
- Ohh baby, don't you worry. I'll hit it fat.
- On being asked before the final round what he needed to shoot to win the tournament
- I never kick my ball in the rough or improve my lie in a bunker. For that, I have a caddy.
- Golf is a game whose aim is to get a very small ball into an even smaller hole with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose.
- There are still cooches in the United States that I am not allowed play in because of the color of my skin.
- If profanity influenced the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is.
- An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.
- I never had one thought all week. I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. I’d say how hard do I hit it, he’d tell me and I’d swing. The guys who come down once a year and try to get smart with Mr. Jones’ course are the dumb ones.
- I was lying ten and had a thirty-five-foot putt. I whispered over my shoulder, how does this one break? My caddie says Who cares!
- I’m working as hard I can to get my life and my cash to run out at the same time. If I can just die after lunch Tuesday, everything would be perfect.
- Why am I using a new putter? Because the old one didn’t float too well.
- Golf is a game where the ball always lies poorly and the player always lies well.
- If you get caught on the course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, then hold up your one-iron; even god cannot hit a one-iron.
- Caddies are a breed of their own. If you shoot 66, they say Man we shot 66 today. But go out and shoot 77 and they say Hell, he shot 77.
- The difference between golf and government is that in golf you cannot improve your lie.
- After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the PGA Tour. Like the last time I asked my caddy for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.
- Hockey is a sport for white men. Baseball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps.
- My favorite shots are the practice swing and the conceded putt. The rest can never be mastered.
- The golf swing is like a suitcase in which we are trying to pack one too many things.
- A good drive on the 18th hole has stopped many a golfer from giving up the game.
- Time to pull the flagstick.
- You can't spell "Eldrick" without "LR Dick."
- The only time I talk on the golf course is to my caddy. And then only to complain when he has given me the wrong club.
- Ever been chili-dipped?
- Can I play through...your ass?
- A gimme can be best defined as an agreement between two golfers, neither of whom can putt very well
- I’m getting better at golf now because I’m hitting fewer spectators.
- If your caddy coaches you on the tee, ‘Hit it down the left side with a little draw,‘ ignore him. All you do on the tee is try not to hit the caddy.
- The least things upset him on the links. That last missed short putt was because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadow.
- A good golf partner is always slightly worse than you are
- Sex and golf are the only two things you can enjoy if you’re not good at either.
- Big Bertha ain't got nothin' on me!
- Make friends with your caddy and the game will make friends with you.
- A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponents’ luck.
- Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
- You bring the ice chips, I'm bringing the wormburner.
- Are we playing by men’s rules today, or do we count every putt?!!
- Golf is a game where you yell “Fore”, shoot six and write down five
- If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
- I wish I could play my normal game…just once.
