<link rel="stylesheet" href="/html4/css/skel.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/html4/css/style.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="/html4/css/style-desktop.css" />

New York Jokes

Browse through jokes to find funny things to laugh at and cool jokes.


Check out our complete list of New York Jokes .

Are you looking for the best joke? Find the perfect joke now.

New York Jokes 2019

 

  • Why don't Syracuse football players sink in the Great Lakes? Because crap floats...
  • How do they separate the men from the boys at the University of Buffalo? With a restraining order.
  • It was so hot in New York City today, the mayor told the Statue of Liberty to put her arm down.
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Syracuse fan? The bucket.
  • How do you get from Boston to New York City? Go south until you smell shit and west until you step in it.
  • What's the difference between a Syracuse football player and a dollar? You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
  • Why are rectal thermometers banned at the University of Buffalo? They cause too much brain damage!
  • Why did Eve want to leave the Garden of Eden and move to New York? She fell for the Big Apple.
  • What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Buffalo have in common? They both end up in trailer parks.
  • Why did Syracuse change their field from grass to artificial turf? To keep the Orange cheerleaders from grazing the field at halftime.
  • What separates a good team from a great team? The Massachusetts-New York border.
  • What do they call students who go to Syracuse? Rejects from NYU!
  • Why do Orangemen basketball players use body heat activated deodorant? Because it's the closet they will come to getting a "Degree".
  • Why do University of Buffalo grads keep their diplomas on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • Did you hear that Syracuse's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • How do you get a Syracuse fan to laugh all weekend long? Tell him a joke Monday morning.
  • What do you get when you drive quickly through the University of Buffalo campus? An undergraduate degree.
  • What's the difference between a University of Buffalo sorority sister and a scarecrow? One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals.
  • How do you stop an Syracuse fan from beating his wife? Dress her in West Virginia Black and Gold!
  • Did you hear about the fire in the Syracuse University football dorm that destroyed 20 books? The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
  • What's the difference between a Buffalo diploma and toilet paper? About $80,000 per sheet.
  • What state do dogs like? New Yorkie.
  • Why do Buffalo fans smell so bad? So blind people can hate them too.
  • Why did the New York regents decide to cover the Carrier Dome in cardboard? Because the Orangemen always look better on paper.
  • Why aren't Buffalo cheerleaders allowed to do the splits? They stick to the ground.
  • Why couldn't the baby Jesus be born in New York? Because they couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin.
  • What do you call an Syracuse Orangmen in a BCS bowl game? A referee.
  • What's the one thing that keeps Seton Hall basketball players from graduating? Going to Class.
  • What does it say on the back of every University of Buffalo diploma? Will Work For Food.
  • The News reported that a crocodile had been found in Buffalo, the locals said they were not surprised because they were expecting a cold snap!
  • Why did Syracuse disband its water polo team? All the horses drowned.
  • What's the difference between Carrier Dome and a cactus? The cactus has its pricks on the outside.
  • What is the definition of safe sex down in Syracuse? Placing signs on the animals that kick.
  • How did the Syracuse Orange grad die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
  • Did you hear that 9 out of 10 coeds are good looking? The other one goes to University of Buffalo.
  • If you have a car containing a Syracuse wide receiver, a Syracuse linebacker, and a Syracuse defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • Whats the difference between the Syracuse Orange and cheerios? One belongs in a bowl. The other doesn't!
  • Whats the difference between Buffalo and yogurt? Yogurt has an active living culture.
  • I'm not saying St Johns basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game. The rest will dress themselves.
  • "How do I get to Carnegie Hall" "Practice, practice!"
  • Why do they sell so many button-fly jeans in Buffalo? Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.
  • Why did the University of Buffalo grad cross the road? Better question why is he out of jail?
  • How do you make Syracuse University cookies? Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
  • Why did the Syracuse football team cross the road? Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
  • What does the average University of Buffalo student get on his SAT? Drool.
  • How do you break a Juilliard grads finger? Punch him in the nose.
  • How is a Buffalo girl different from a bowling ball? Sometimes a bowling ball is hard to pick up.
  • Why did Syracuse change their uniforms to Orange? So they can play the game, direct traffic, and pick up trash without changing.
  • Why do all the trees in Massachusetts lean west? New York Sucks
  • What do Syracuse and NYU students have in common? They both got in to Syracuse!
  • Where do fat cows go on vacation? Moo York.
  • How many University of Buffalo freshman does it take to change a light bulb? None, it's a sophomore course.
  • Why do Indians love New York? Because there's a Delhi on every block.
  • Why does a Syracuse fan pour his cereal on a plate? He lost his bowls.
  • What's the first thing an New York girl does when she wakes up in the morning? Walks home.
  • How do you casterate a Syracuse Orange fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • How do you get a man in New York City to do sit-ups? Put the remote control between his toes..
  • Where do eggs go on vacation? New Yolk City.
  • What kind of hipsters live in the Big Apple? Bookworms.
  • Why do Juilliard students have such beautiful noses? They're hand picked.
  • What does a girl from the "Big Apple" do if she's not in bed by 10pm? Go Home.
  • What do New Mexico grads use for Birth Control? Their personalities.
  • Why is "The Wave" banned in the Carrier Dome? Two Orangemen fans drowned last year.
  • What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Buffalo campus? A visitor.
  • How many University of Buffalo grads does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • How does a dumb blonde get into college? She applies to University of Buffalo.
  • How do I get to St. Vincent's Hospital? Lady, just keep standing there in the middle of the street!
  • Did you hear about the power outage at the Syracuse University library? Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  • Why do New York students have TGIF on their shoes? Toes Go In First!
  • Why do they not serve ice in drinks at Orangemen games anymore? The student who knew the recipe graduated
  • What does a NYU grad call a Columbia grad in 5 years? Boss!
  • What do Syracuse University and pot have in common? They both get smoked in bowls!
  • What does a New York native and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • Why do the Syracuse Orange eat cereal straight from the box? They choke whenever they get near a bowl.
  • What's the difference between an Syracuse Orange fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • What do you call an Syracuse football player with a championship ring? A thief!
  • What did the Syracuse female say after sex? Get off me Dad, you're crushing my smokes!
  • What will you never hear a Buffalo grad say? "I have reviewed your application......"
  • What is a Syracuse fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat West Virginia."
  • What do you call a group of cows that judge a book? The Moo-York-Times!
  • What's the only thing that grows in Buffalo? The Crime Rate!
  • What happens when blondes move from New Jersey to New York? Both states become smarter!
  • What are the best four years of an University of Buffalo grads life? Third grade
  • What does a Syracuse Orange fan do when his team has won the BCS championship? He turns off the PlayStation.
  • Its so cold in New York,that the statue of liberty shoved the torch up her dress !!
  • What do you get when you put a bunch of perverts in the Big Apple? Hard Cider.
  • In New York every rainbow has an empty pot of gold at the end with a chalk outline of a dead leprechaun.
  • What's the only thing that grows in Buffalo? The swelling from your head from getting jacked!
  • How do you confuse a Buffalo student? You can't they were born that way.
  • What should you do if you find three Syracuse University football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.



Find More