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Driving Jokes 2019
- I gave up my seat to a blind person in the bus. That is how I lost my job as a bus driver.
- A Kentucky State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-75. He says to the driver , "Got any ID ?" The driver says, "Bout what?"
- With the rise of self-driving vehicles, it's only a matter of time before we get a country song where a guy's truck leaves him too.
- A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"
- Last Father's Day my son gave me something I always wanted: the keys to my car.
- My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear.
- Police officer: "Can you identify yourself, sir?" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: "Yes, it's me."
- Why shouldn't women be able to drive? There are no roads from the bedroom to the kitchen!
- What is the best way to get to Paradise ? Turn right and go straight .
- Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying? For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
- My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
- What is the difference between blondes and traffic signs? Some traffic signs say stop .
- A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws ."
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
- How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist? He has a red sticker on his bumper , saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."
- Two blondes were driving to Disneyland. The sign said, "Disneyland Left". So they started crying and went home.
- Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac ?
- Apparently I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I'm driving.
- I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
- Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children.