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Meg Griffin Quotes

Meg: Mom guess what! I made the Flag Girl squad
Stewie: Flag Girl? Ummmm, yes good for you... Now you can be somewhere else when the boys don't call!

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

Meg (about Peter being retarded): I can never go to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not your years of grotesque appearance, or your awkward social graces, or that way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight.

Lois: And you know what? I'm gonna take that chance my father never let me take when I was younger. I'm gonna become a model!
Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, Lois! And I'll pleasure myself to your photos.
Chris: Me too!
Meg: Me too!
Peter: Oh! Oh! God! Meg! That's sick! That's your mother!
Meg (shrugs): I'm just trying to fit in.
Peter: Get out! Get out of this house!
(Meg doesn't move. Peter punches wall.)
(Meg runs out and Peter closes the door.)
Peter: That's a good about your modeling, Lois.

Judge: Im sentencing you to 24 months in prison.
Lois: Oh no!
Brian: Oh no!
Chris: Oh no!
Meg: Oh no!
Kool Aid Guy: OOOOOOOH YA!

"Neil Goldman from Quahog, Rhode Island, leave me alone! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!!"

"I hate you all!"

"You know nothing about me!"

"What do you mean cut the blue wire? They're ALL blue wires!"

Meg: Finally, look Mom I've had it. I'm not babysitting anymore. It's Saturday night I could be out having a life.
Lois: Meg, if you don't wanna babysit anymore that's fine, but don't you stand there and lie to me.
Peter: OH-HO Meg, she torched your ass man! She torched your ass.

Meg (to boy): Please go out with me. I'm just trying to make Neil jealous. I'll even pay for the flower delivery. I promise I'll pay and everything.

Boy: Yeah...uhh...that sounds cool but I'm gonna be in the hospital that night.
(shoots himself in the stomach with a nail gun)

Peter (In Asiatown): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy walks away)
Peter (to next Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan! (Asian guy again walks away)
Peter (to another Asian guy): Oh my God it's Jackie Chan!
Jackie Chan: Great to see I have a fan! Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Peter: No I'm not.
Jackie Chan to Chris: Oh my God it's Ethan Hawk!
Chris: Nope.
Jackie Chan to Meg: Oh my God it's Malcom in Middle!
Meg: Im not a boy!
Peter: Yes you are.


Meg: I don't get it, mom, if you're so mad at dad for wrecking your show, why did you come to opening night?
Lois: I came because I love the theater. I mean, if I just came here to enjoy watching your father be humiliated when this asinine spectacle of his is ridiculed by everyone in town, what kind of person would I be?
Chris: A bitch.

Lois: Oh, what about this, Meg? A pink baby-tee that says "Little Slut." That seems pretty hip.
Meg: I don't know if that's really me, Mom.
Lois: Well, they've got one that says "Porn Star" and another that says "Sperm Dumpster." And they're all written in glitter.
Meg: All right, all right. Give me "Sperm Dumpster."
Lois: That's the spirit!

Meg: Can I be in the play, Mom?
Stewie: Oh yes, you can be the dumpy teenage girl who cries backstage because no one finds her attractive.

Peter: I've had a good life. And you can always be proud of your father and all of his accomplishments.
Meg: What accomplishments?
Peter: Go to your room.

Meg: Hi, Craig. Umm, I was wondering if maybe you would want to, I don't know, go out sometime?
Craig Hoffman: Huh, that's about as likely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own. Which I would never do. I play by my own rules, nobody else's, not even my own.
Meg: How 'bout a movie?
Craig: I don't go out with dudes.

Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well, that would just leave England.

Lois Griffin: This can be a great opportunity for you and Stewie to bond.
Peter Griffin: Bond ... James Bond. I'll do it.

Meg: Excuse me, Mayor West?
Adam West: How do you know my language?

Lois: Oh, look, Meg, it's your little baby booties. Oh, and your little bronze hat. And your tail.
Meg: My what?
Lois: Nothing.

Chris: What did you get from your boyfriends?
Meg: Oh you know from my boyfriend ,Prince William, I got this beautiful watch, and this diamond tiara, and a scepter...(goes crazy and runs away crying)
Stewie: She needs to get laid BIG TIME!

Glen Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?
Meg Griffin: No.
Glen Quagmire: Just checkin'.

Meg: Dad, if I don't get my driver's license, I'll never have any boyfriends, I'll never get married and I'll have to adopt a kid like Rosie O'Donnell.
Peter: Meg ... are you implying that Rosie O'Donnell cant drive?

(Meg walks in after getting a make-over)
Meg: Look everybody I got a makeover!!
Peter: Aw, Meg I thought you were always beautiful...(starts bursting out laughing). It's hard to say that with a straight face. (Continues laughing.)

Meg: I finally get my driver's license and the car gets taken away, how ironic.
Peter: Meg, don't talk to your mother that way, she is not an iron.

Chris: Dad, you should invent the frisbee, that's an awesome toy.
Meg: Chris, the frisbee is already invented.
Chris: Then how come I never heard of it?

Chris: My dad is smarter than your dad.
Meg: We have the same dad idiot!
Chris: Yeah, but mine's smarter!

Meg: God, I don't think I could have been any clearer the last time I turned him down.
Debra Barone: Ray, your mother insulted my steak pizziola. Again.
(Meg walks onto the screen)
Meg: Neil Goldman of Quahog, Rhode Island. Leave me alone! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!
(Meg walks off screen)
Debra Barone: Anyway, your mother insulted...
Ray Barone: I don't care anymore Patty after nine seasons I just don't care. Maybe you could try not being a bitch.

Meg: I can't believe my stupid parents are going to follow around stupid old KISS, it's painful.
Peter: Not half as painful as a tire iron upside your head.
Meg: What?
Peter: I'll miss you!

(Chris is sitting in kitchen moping because hes fat and Meg walks in.)
Meg: Whoa! Chris have you lsot weight? You look wicked skinny! Im jealous!
Chris: Really? cause...cause im jealous of your mustache!
Meg: I dont have a mustache!!!!!

Meg: Wow, Jimmy! That was everything Ladies Home Journal said it would be.
Jimmy Fallon: Heh awesome. Great...thanks. Umm...ya know there's--there's something....(laughs)...There's something I gotta tell ya. Being with you just made me feel so aLIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!!!

Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me.
Death: Well that would just leave England.

Peter: Let's play a game called Takin' the Fall for Daddy. If you win, I'll buy you a convertible when you get your license.
Meg: Really? Oh Daddy, now I love you again.
Peter: Oh, you're gonna make some Jewish guy a great wife.

Government Agent: You're mentally unfit to take care of your children.
Peter: NO!
Chris: NO!
Meg: NO!
Stewie: FINALLY!

Meg: Oh my God, we're gonna die! There's so much of life I haven't experienced. I never even got the chance to be some drunk college guy's last resort.

Meg: I can't believe he's over me!
Mort: I can't belive I'm out 34 grand!
Peter: I can't believe its not butter! Stick around! More Family Guy coming up!

(Brian walks in)
Brian - Hey Doc, what the hell are you doing here?
Doctor - Your family has something to say.
Meg (reading from a piece of paper): Brian, I know I don't speak up much, and it's really hard for me to talk about my feelings, but -
Doctor - W-Why don't we start with someone more interesting ... Peter?

Lois: Hey I know, lets play a game. Now I'm thinking of a movie.
Meg: Is it an action movie?
Chris: Who's in the movie?
Peter: Wait, is it a good movie?
Lois: Eh, it has its moments.
Peter: Cool Runnings
Lois: Yep!

Cecilia: Neil is such an amazing guy. We just make an absolutely perfect couple.
Meg: You know...Neil liked me first and I was gonna go out with him when I was ready to settle for him. Get your own spaz!
(Meg walks away)
Gym teacher: All right ladies enough chit-chat. Take it off, get in the shower, and bounce around for me.

Genie: I am here to grant you three wishes.
Lois: Peter, three wishes. Oh this is so exciting.
Meg: I want a new hat.
Chris: I want a new hat.
Stewie: I want them to have new hats!

Meg: "Give it to me, give it to me, Neal."
Neal: "That oughta work just fine."

Meg: I like him, he remembers my name!

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