Family Guy Fun

The Juice Is Loose!

Tonight's episode of "Family Guy" was recently discovered in Peter Griffin's basement, along with a number of other "lost episodes."
The following events take place in Quahog in March of 2007.
Family Guy 7x09 The Juice Is Loose!
Timing: reaper Transcript: reaper

OK, Peter, I'm off to my book club.
You'll babysit Stewie?
Only if I can have a plastical.
Only if you say it right.
Pa... psycal.
Good! And you gotta be responsible tonight.
I don't want the repeat of the last time
I left you alone with one of our children.
It's just so horrible.
I'm sorry, Lois.
I thought if I shock him enough it'd stop crying.
I was kinda right.
Yeah, I'm babysitting for Stewie.
I babysit now, 'cause I'm grown up.
I'm so getting hair down there.
Anyway, you guys should totally come over.
What? You're already here? No way!
OK, Quagmire's turn. Truth or Dare?
Uh... I pick dare... No, no, no, truth, truth!
OK, truth. Do you have AIDS?
Ah... C'mon, we're all just trying to have a good time.
OK, Cleveland, your turn. Truth or Dare?
Um... Dare!
OK. I dare you to make out with Joe for 15 seconds.
- What? - No way! Uh! Uh!
You got to, it's a dare.
- That's the game. - That's the game.
OK. What's the hell, I'm an openminded person.
So am I. No big deal.
Just my body.
Oh my god! They gonna do it! Oh, I gotta take a picture.
[Peter and Quagmire shouting]
Hey! Keep it down.
It's just two guys making out, relax.
Stewie, go to bed.
What am I expected to put myself to bed?
Is no one taking care of me?
Duh, he's a worse dad than a rich New York City investment banker.
Hi, daddy! At school today they pick one kid...
Melly, it's in here again.
Me sorry, mister sir.
Get out the room, how dare you to bother your father.
Him unhappy. Him had doing in first place.
Now come on, I'll let you rub some lotion on me elbows.
We now return to Robert Mitchum in
Out of shape inshape guy from the 50's.
Gambling is illegal in this town.
Says who?
Says me. You got a problem with that?
I'm... Not really sure.
Kinda waiting for you to exhale.
Actually yeah, I do have a problem with that.
Oh, come on. Stupid satellite TV.
Maybe I have to fix the dish.
Uh oh.
Oh no! Oh no!
Hehey, hey. Help. Help!
Hey! Hey, Brian! Brian!
What the hell?
Call the fire brigade! Get a ladder! Get me down!
What are you doing up there?
Counting the stars in the Orion's penis!
What do you think I'm doing up here, I'm stuck!
How did you get on the roof?
What am I doing an interview? Shut up and get a ladder or something!
Actually yeah. Maybe we are doing an interview.
So, Stewie, tell us about that new project you have coming up.
What are you talking about? Get me down, you douche.
No. First you tell me about that new project.
Oh, you're so dead.
Is that the title of your new film?
Uh... I've been working on a new movie and it's really great. Toss me a rope!
No, that's not good enough. I want details.
Grr... I'm gonna slit your throat while you sleep.
Am... Well... When you working with Jack Black...
Uh... You just got to keep up, you know.
I mean he's doing his thing and you got to...
You got to match his energy level.
Without looking like you trying to warm up him
'cause, you know, that's the game you just not gonna win.
What was it like having a privilege
of performing the words of Oscar winnier Diablo Cody?
She's an overpriced cool girl who's got lucky once.
Uh... That doesn't sound like an interview answer.
Say something nice about Diablo Cody.
I... envy the tattoo artist who had that
huge canvas of arm fat to work with.
Wonderful. Wonderful. Hey, listen, could you hang with us through the break?
We'll be right back with Stewie's co-star Robin Williams.
No! No, I hate Robin Will... Where you going?
I have to tell you about the future.
I have to tell you 'bout the future.
On the night, I go back...
Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no, hang on, Michael.
I have to tell you about your future.
Peter, Stewie's on the roof.
Ah, Nick Jonas is so cute.
Hey, Peter.
Ah, you bastard.
Oh my god! Sorry, Lois.
Peter! What is our infant son doing up on the roof?
There's a racoon up here.
Yikes! Looks like I need a distraction.
Ladies and gentlemen, mr. Conway Twitty.
Twitty Conway - I See The Want In Your Eyes
Terrific! Terrific!
So, Lois, you still pissed at me about Stewie being on the roof?
Yes, Peter, I am.
Oh, for crying out loud. If Conway Twitty isn't enough
to lighten you up, what more is it gonna take?
A minotaur with Sean Connery's head?
Is this 31 Spooner st...
Get out of here. Just get the hell out of here.
Look, Lois, what do you say we just bury the hatchet, huh?
We'll stay in tonight, pop some popcorn and watch Jimmy Camel try.
No, thank you, Peter.
And even if wanted to, the TV is out.
There must be something wrong with the dish.
It's all right, it's all right. I'll fix the dish.
Where's my screwdriver.
Ho-ly crap!
You are not gonna believe what I just found.
The yellow piece of paper?
A raffle ticket, Brian.
But not just any raffle ticket.
I won this in 1989 from a Honey Nut Cheerios sweepstakes
and I totally forgot to cash it in.
It's one free round of golf with famous celebrity.
Woow. Who's the celebrity?
I'll give you a hint. Famous football player.
Had a bit part in Roots. Couple of great scenes in The Towering Inferno.
Wait a minute...
Chuck Connors? He was the basketball player and he was in Roots.
Yeah, he wasn't in The Towering Inferno, you dumb beaver.
What? I diidn't say nothing.
Dad, who is it?
O.J. Simpson.
Who's that?
O.J. Simpson on Spooner street.
Now, that's the story I can sink my teeth into.
Stick around.
Peter, why in the world would you want to play golf with O.J. Simpson?
Why not, Lois. He's The Juice, one of greatest football players ever.
Peter, he murdered two people.
He brutally killed his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson and her friend Ron Goldman.
O.J. Simpson?
Was this in the news?
Yes, Peter, it was all over the news.
Wait a minute, if he killed two people, how come he's not in jail?
He was acquitted.
Aw... Here you go, everything's fine.
Well, Peter, it's generally believed that the jury made a mistake.
You're saying all those guys in their powdered wigs and
pilgrim hats and their big gross wives were wrong?
Man, they have to be stupider than you are
when you fart yourself a wake.
Hello? What... Who's here? What's going on?
Whatever's happening here
just knock it off.
So I, Peter Griffin, will be playing one free round of golf
tomorrow with the one and only O.J. Simpson.
What? Peter, you can't play golf with O.J. Simpson. He's a murderer.
Oh, you sound just like Lois. No, no, Joe, I don't believe you.
Oh yeah? Well say that after the soul-searching walk
around the town to Dust in the Wind.
Kansas - Dust In The Wind
Oh my god, Joe, you right.
O.J. Simpson is a murderer.
What am I gonna do, I'm playing golf with him tomorrow.
Well, now wait a minute, Peter.
This may be an unpresented opportunity
Maybe you could wear a wire.
Get O.J. to confess and we could tape the whole thing.
Wow, imagine it. Peter Griffin - the guy who took down O.J.
Marsha Clark sure couldn't do it, you dumb beaver.
Hey! I wasn't even there.
I was building a canadian damb at the time.
Did you know that beavers affect ... more than any other animal?
Except men.
He was in our house earlier.
Now remember, Peter, we will be right here in the van if anything goes wrong.
Just try to get O.J. talking about the murders.
Do you think he'd be offended if I ask him to sign this basket ball?
Yeah, I think he'd be very offended.
All right, Joe, can you hear me?
Loud and clear, Peter.
Hi, are you Peter Griffin?
That's my name, don't put a knife in it.
Nice to meet you, c'mon, let's t. off.
Damn it. Would you look at these golf shoes, they're all scuffed up.
My wife were supposed to polish 'em but clearly she forgot.
Man, sometimes I just feel like I could just stab her repeatedly.
White women, huh?
Jewish waitress too.
I got this jewish waiter one time. He was awful, didn't tip him.
You eh... You've doing something bad to a jewish waiter?
What's up, Peter? I'm sorry, I was focusing on my drive.
You're doing great, Peter. Just don't let him intimidate you.
Guys, guys, someone's getting frogged in the clubhouse.
She sounds fat.
Hey, you know what I like to do sometimes, Juice?
I like to just confess things I've done to people.
You know, just clean my ... Makes me feel a whole lot better.
Anything you'd like to confess?
No. Not really.
Peter, we're not really hearing him very well. Can you get closer?
Um... Are you sure O.J.?
Are you sure you wouldn't like to confess
to the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman?
What the hell is that?
You wearing a wire!
I am so murdered.
Peter, I'm hurt. How could you decieve me like this?
Oh god, O.J. please, don't kill me.
Wait a minute, is this about that whole business back in 1994?
Well, yeah.
Down it. That's been chasing me for 13 years.
And here I was looking forward to a nice day of golf
away from all those people who have demonized me
and made me out some kind of bogeyman.
Even though I was found innocent by jury of my PS.
But what about the civil trial?
Believe me, Peter, there was nothing civil about it.
Well, that makes up for one murder.
The one thing I'm guilty of is a few bad movies.
And that makes up for the other murder. I am sold.
You are so witty and charming.
That's nice of you to say, Peter.
It's been so long since I had a friend.
You poor fella.
Gosh, there's no way you could have killed anybody.
Not without sad eyes, I'm gonna make sure everything is gonna be all right.
Hey everybody, look who I brought home.
Ten thousand rushing yards, six pro-balls
two arrests and no convictions. All it's O.J. Simpson.
Hi, Griffins.
- Oh my god! - What the...
I just think you're terrific
O.J. this is my family. Family, O.J.
It's nice to meet you all.
Hey, Peter, you mind if I use your restroom?
No, it's upstairs and to the left.
Peter, are you out of your mind
bringing O.J. Simpson in our home?
Look, don't make that face at me, Lois.
O.J. is innocent, all right?
Peter, we know he did it.
Oh, you were there? I didn't realized that.
Oh, and you didn't do anything to stop it?
Oh, accessory to murder!
Why are you so quick to defend this guy?
Because he was a childhood hero, Brian.
Yes, he have a few marital problems but I used to look up to him.
That's it, isn't it? You idolized O.J. Simpson
as a boy and you just can't accept the fact
that he's not who you thought he was.
Right, enough with yepperty yep, O.J. is gonna stay
here with us in Quahog untill I can help him get his life back on track.
Hi, Lois.
Hello, O.J.
Anything I can do to help make dinner?
Um... Sure, you can take the lasagne out of the oven.
You got it.
Oh, wouldn't you know it, it won't fit.
Well, it's all right, how hard could it be.
Oh, Lois, I'm so sorry.
Uh, it's all right, O.J. Le-let me get something to clean that up.
Brian, what's the matter?
Oh, you're alive!
Yeah, we just had a little pasta spill.
Oh, thank god!
It's OK, Brian.
It's not the first accident we've had in this house.
OK, one...
two... Oh-oh, hang on, hang on, Brian. Stop the wheel, stop the wheel.
I BM'd.
Hey, Juice! Is it all right if I call you Juice? Great!
Listen, I was wondering if you could give me a little advise
on how to murder a woman and get away with it.
Ah, cool, look an that.
Hey, Chris, go long.
Good grief.
What are you doing, O.J.?
Well, I've got no money left to pay my off civil suit debt.
So I'm making a god's eye to send to Fred Goldman.
It's kinda nice, right?
Better than nothing.
He's got money to buy tongue depressors and
yarn but not enough to pay us back?
You know how much mustache creme I could have bought?
I don't like the mustache, Fred.
Nobody likes the mustache.
That's why we lost the trial.
That's not true!
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
And I'm Diane Simmons.
Our top story tonight
Quahog, Rhode Island known for quaint neighborhoods
white sandy beaches and harboring bloodthirsty murderers?
That's right, Tom. Former murderer O.J. Simpson has moved to Quahog.
We don't have footage of the murder itself
but we can show you what's happened
thanks to this reanactment by the Quahog Opera Company.
I love you, Nicole
but I must confess
to some trepidation
for I am a lonely waiter
who loves a loss of a estation (?)
opera-style song
Well, it looks like this is one more town
the medias run me out of.
Now wait a second, Juice. You can't let them tell you how to live your life.
You've been running for too long.
I say you let people get to know you the way I have.
You really think that's possible, Peter?
Of course it is. We'll even throw a big party
and invite everybody in town and I promise, they'll accept you.
Peter, I really appreciate this but...
are you sure people are ready?
Absolutely O.J.
This party will get you a chance to get to know everybody
and give them a chance to know a real O.J. Simpson.
Peter, do you really expect anyone to show up?
Sure I do. Look, here comes a bunch of people.
Wow! What a turnout.
Uh, Peter, that's not a group of enthusiastic party guests
That's an angry mob.
We don't want you in our town, Simpson.
We don't love you like we did in 1993.
And that's for you O.J.
We don't want you here either.
Wow! Wow! Wow!
Anyone who wants a piece of O.J. has to get by me.
No, Peter. This is my fight and I'll be the one to fight it.
Look at you all. Look what you're doing.
Why you no better than what you made me ought to be.
Sure I made some mistakes in my life.
I forget to take the trash out somedays.
I've left the toothpaste cap on the bathroom counter.
I've taped football games without the
expressed written consent of the NFL.
I guess what I'm saying is
I'm not perfect.
The only difference is I have the courage to admit it.
Does anyone else has the courage?
If so, why don't you just come on up here and join me?
He's right, I'm not perfect.
I suppose, I'm not either.
Yeah, I guess none of us are perfect.
Boy, do I feel like a jerk.
Me too.
I think we owe you an apology, O.J.
You see, none of us are perfect.
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