Family Guy Fun

Road to the Multiverse

Step right up!
Step right up!
You won't believe your eyes!
Step right up and see the
amazing half man, half clam!
What a rip-off.
It's just Kim Cattrall
sitting indian-style.
Boy, they've got some
very unusual prizes
At the carnival this year.
A winner!
Congratulations, son.
You've won a genuine
live homosexual!
Ooh, where
are we going?!
Wait, don't tell me.
Oh, boy!
Mom, can I keep him?
Well, it's a big
responsibility, Chris.
That means you'll have
to clean up after
him and feed him.
What do you eat?
I like your hair.
Still hungry.
You have a beautiful
speaking voice.
I'm full.
Let's see.
I guess 185 pounds.
I'm 95% helium.
Brian, look what I won!
Wow, what'd
you win that for?
For having the best pig
in the competition.
Wait, you bred a pig?
Sure did.
Most genetically-perfect
one in the contest.
Oh, my god!
Yes, he's something,
isn't he?
Are those fists?
Damn right.
Show him, pig.
How the hell did you do this?
I'll let you in on
a little secret, brian.
I didn't do it.
I got it from a farm.
What the hell kind of farm
breeds pigs like this?
Would you like to see it
for yourself, brian?
Yeah, I would.
Good, 'cause it's gonna
blow your mind
Like the stereopticon did
to Americans in 1910.
Hey, I'm in new york city!
No, I'm not!
Yes, I am!
No, I'm not! Yes, I am!
What's going on here?!
This is it, Brian.
What's that?
It's how I got the pig.
You ever heard
of the multiverse
theory, Brian?
Well, of course I have,
But I'm wondering
if you have.
Oh, my god.
So transparent.
Well, the theory states
That there are
an infinite number of universes
Coexisting with ours
on parallel dimensional planes.
planes, right.
Don't, don't do that.
Don't, don't repeat
the last two words
Like you already kinda knew
what I was talkin' about.
You have no idea
what I'm talkin' about.
Now in each of these
alternate universes,
The reality is different
than our own.
Sometimes only slightly,
sometimes quite radically.
The point is, every possible
eventuality exists.
And that's where
you got the pig,
In a parallel universe.
Prepare yourself, brian,
and I'll show you.
Where are we?
This is quahog, brian.
Same year, same time.
But in this universe,
Christianity never existed,
which means the dark ages
Of scientific repression
never occurred, and thus,
Humanity is a thousand years
more advanced.
Ergo, muscular,
genetically perfect pigs.
Hey, look,
there's quagmire.
Thanks, honey.
Say hi to your husband.
(device beeping)
Oh, I got aids again.
Better take my
"nyquil cold, flu and aids."
All gone.
What time do you suppose
it is, brian?
I don't know,
about 3:30.
Watch the sidewalk.
drop dead legs
pretty smile
hurts my head, gets me wild
dig that steam...
My god,
is that... Meg?!
36d, Brian.
And you know
what's amazing?
In this universe,
She's still one
of the ugly ones.
If you saw lois,
You'd have to put
your penis in a wheelchair.
Come on.
I'll show you around.
Hey, is there a
bathroom around here?
Oh, you need
to go pee or poop?
One poop removal.
(electronic twittering)
Wow, did I just go poop?
You sure did.
All digital.
Where does it go?
It gets beamed
to another dimension.
Let me ask you this:
What about all the
renaissance art that
christianity inspired?
That was
my first question, too.
Come on, have a look
at the sistine chapel.
Yeah, with no christianity
to inspire michelangelo,
They gave the job
to john hinckley.
All right, you ready
to go home now?
Are you kidding?
This is amazing.
Can we see more
Hmm. Well, I haven't
tried yet,
But I don't see why not.
Whoa, what's this place?
Yeah, this universe
looks weird.
Yeah, it's cheap
and somehow lazy.
Yabba-dabba... (giggles)
(audience laughter
on laugh track)
Yes, rocklois?
That was wonderful rock sex
we had last rock night.
Yes, I enjoyed rocking you up
the rock last night.
I know. I'm glad you wore
that rock ring.
But we still always use
a rockphylactic.
I'm ribbited for your pleasure.
Hey, brian, want to get
the rock out of here?
Rock yeah.
Huh. This looks like
spooner street,
Only something's
not quite right.
to the multiverse guide,
This is a universe
where the United States
Never dropped
the atomic bomb on hiroshima,
So the japanese
just never quit.
Well, I think
I've seen enough.
Let's get back
to our universe.
All right, off we go.
Ah, home, sweet home.
Lois (happy):
Can you take out
the trash?
'cause it stinks
in the kitchen.
Sure thing, lois, delighted to.
(sad): I get tired
when I stand.
(both gasp)
What the hell is this?
This isn't our universe.
Apparently, this is
a universe
Where everyone has two heads:
One happy, one sad.
Honey, have you
seen stewie?
I can't find
him anywhere.
I sure have!
He's over there,
playing in the corner.
(happy): I want you
to know I love you.
(sad): I'm trying to get
excited about it.
Oh, this is too freaky.
Why didn't that
thing take us home?
I don't know.
I told you,
It hasn't been
fully tested yet.
Well, we can't stay here,
that's for sure.
And now back to channel 5 news
at 6:00.
Quahog's lowest-rated newscast.
The president's dog
just had puppies!
There was a plane crash.
Stewie, please tell me
you know how to get us home.
Of course I know
how to get us home.
What the hell?
Stewie, what's going on?
Well, from the look
of it,
I'm guessing this is quahog,
but during some sort of ice age.
Well, press the button.
Get us outta here.
Uh-oh, I can't reach
the device.
You're kidding.
Yeah, get comfortable.
I think we're gonna be here
for a while.
Oh, look, there's your poop
from the other universe.
Stewie, you gotta
get us out of here!
If we stay in
here much longer,
We're either gonna
freeze or starve!
I know, but I can't reach
the device.
You try.
You're closer to it,
And besides,
you're stronger than I am.
Hey, what was that?
Oh, well, you said
I was stronger than you,
And that must have
made me happy.
So my tail
started wagging.
Looks like it carved
through the ice a bit.
Yeah, it did.
Keep going.
Okay, uh, let's see, um...
You want to go
for a walk?
It's working!
Do more!
Uh, you want a treat?!
You want a treat, boy?!
That's good,
that's good, but you...
You really have
one, right?!
Oh, yeah, yeah.
And we're going
for that walk?!
Oh, yeah, definitely.
And, um, I'll, I'll
give you a bath!
No, no, no!
Oh, sorry, sorry.
And, and I'll,
I'll let you go
for a ride in the car!
Oh, you better
not be lying!
You want to sleep
in the bed with us?!
Yes! Oh, I never get to!
It must be a
special occasion!
You got it!
You're through!
Yes! All right,
what do I do?
Just press
the red button!
Uh, which one's red?
Press the big button!
This can't be it.
This doesn't
look familiar.
You're right, brian.
Apparently, this is
a universe
Where everyone has
to take a poop
right just now.
Okay, uh, bill, you got
those numbers?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, just leave
them on my desk.
Okay, that works out
fine for me.
Where's your desk?
Doug knows
where my desk is.
Craig, are you
good with this?
<i>Yeah, that should work out
pretty good for me, too.</i>
What the hell?
What's happened to us?
I don't know,
but suddenly I feel
All sweet and warm
and fuzzy.
It seems we're in a universe
Where everything is drawn
by disney.
Look, there's
our house.
Look how
gaily we run!
Oh, stewie and brian, you're
just in time for pie.
Did somebody say "pie"?
(bright orchestral
intro plays)
it's a wonderful day for pie
you can ask all the birds
in the sky
and they'll tell you real
sweet with a musical tweet
(quagmire's voice):
it's a wonderful day
for pie
for pie
for pie
for pie
for pie!
This is wonderful, brian.
Oh, let's live in this universe.
Gosh, it's pretty
intoxicating, isn't it?
I want to hear more
music about pie.
it's a wonderful day for pie
(cleveland's voice):
and it smells
a lot better than I
everyone in the house
and this adam west mouse
the bees making honey
this tom tucker bunny
we all sing with glee
'cause we all agree
it's a wonderful,
wonderful day for pie!
(herbert's voice):
You want a nice, shiny red apple
to put in that pie?
Brian, we could spend
the rest of our lives here.
It's perfect.
Sounds good to me.
Doesn't seem to be a thing
wrong with this place.
Hello, everybody.
Oh, yeah, I forgot.
This is a disney universe.
Oh, but look at how shiny
my buttons are here.
Just push the...
Yeah, yeah,
okay, okay.
I'll push the thing.
(bright melody plays)
Whoa, this is trippy.
<i>I should say so. We're in
the robot chicken universe.</i>
Will you guys move?
You're blocking the tv.
Look! Gi joe, transformers,
thundercats, he-man!
Yay! Those shows existed!
How's it feel to be on a major
network for 30 seconds?
(bleep) you!
My god. This place
looks terrible.
Looks like quahog
was vaporized or something.
It says that in this universe,
frank sinatra was never born,
And therefore, he was unable
to use his influence
To get kennedy elected.
So, nixon won
the 1960 election
And totally botched the
cuban missile crisis,
Causing world war iii.
Wow, so I guess lee harvey
oswald never shot kennedy?
No, he shot mayor mccheese.
(shots firing)
(crowd screaming)
That joke's
not in bad taste, right?
Oh, who cares?
He's a cheeseburger.
Ew. Where are we?
I don't know. The device can't
make heads or tails of it.
It's just some sort of weird,
low resolution blocky universe.
Lois, where is my supper?
Still in the oven.
Will I have it soon?
Quite soon.
Thank you!
You're welcome!
I'm frightened.
Let's go.
Love it.
Hate it.
Love it.
Hate it.
Uh, brian?
This feels weird.
Hit the button.
Oh, god, what is this?
I feel like I'm on acid
or something.
According to the multiverse
guide, this is a universe
Where everything is depicted
<i>As a Washington Post
political cartoon.</i>
Good lord, I'm naked.
And why am I holding
a dinner platter
That says mccain/ feingold?
That's-that's pretty good.
That's-that's funny.
You don't get it.
No, no, I totally get it.
Oh, god.
Let's go, quick.
Here comes an overweight cat
with dollar signs for eyes
And a hat that says
"social security,"
Pouring a bucket that says
"alternative minimum tax"
Over a sad statue of liberty
holding a democracy umbrella.
Oh, that ought
to wake people up.
Shut the (bleep) up.
Oh, my god.
Now we're nowhere.
Not quite, brian.
This is a universe,
but its only inhabitant
Is one really far away guy
who yells compliments.
I like your shirt!
Thank you!
This was nice.
We did it. We're back.
No. This is the universe
of misleading portraiture.
Oh, wait. It's not so bad.
There's the compliment guy.
they got both of us!
We're finished. We're
never going to get home.
We're never going to
see our peter and lois
Or anyone else we
know ever again.
You got your pal stewie.
Aw, you could learn
something from compliment guy.
And you know,
it's not as bad as you think.
I may have
finally figured this out.
I just need to make
a few more calculations...
Sorry about that.
Bad girl, holly.
No jumpies.
Oh, it's quite all right.
Um, wow.
Okay, this is ridiculous.
You go here.
You, you naughty little wire,
You're supposed to be over here.
How did you get over there?
Oh, yeah.
Come on, holly,
let's go.
This guy's a freak.
And that should do it.
Now, let's go home.
Hey! What the hell
are you doing?
I just don't think we
should be too hasty.
I mean, we have a
unique opportunity
To study alternate
universes in depth.
give me the damn device.
Give it.
No, knock it off.
Give it.
No, stop it. Stop it.
Come on, give it.
No. Come on.
Come on.
(clattering, crashing)
What the hell, man?
What the hell?
Look what you did!
You better put that
thing on a leash, sir,
Or I'm going to
have to fine you.
Take your stinkin' paws off me,
you damn dirty dog.
What the hell were you thinking, Brian?
We're never going
to get home now.
Why the hell would you
break the damn device?
Look, it was an
accident, all right?
And besides,
look at this place.
It's a world run by dogs.
I mean, I kind of want
to explore this universe.
Oh, you like role reversal?
Huh? Okay.
Wait, what are you doing?
Oh! Oh! Come on!
Pick up my poop!
Pick up my poop!
I'm not picking
up your poop!
Hey, you.
Pick up that poop.
You heard him, brian.
Pick up my poop.
Go on, pick it up.
Do it-- pick up my poop!
I need a plastic bag.
Here's a thin napkin.
Okay, I'm a a new neighbor and
you're my pet human hotchkiss.
Got it?
I-I-I don't...
I'm not so crazy
about "hotchkiss" anymore.
What do you mean? You
came up with hotchkiss.
I know, but...
How about axel or-or-or
maximilian or dex, you know?
It's-it's got to have
an "x" in it because...
'cause that means
I have cool parents
Who take me on expensive
ski trips on spring break
And I get
to drink wine with dinner,
Even though
I'm only 14, and...
(rings doorbell)
Oh, my god! I know that sound!
That means there's a potential
intruder at the front door
Or one of my pals.
Either way, I'm really excited
And ready for
anything! Hello?
Hello, my name
is blake carrington.
And this is
my human, gabe.
Oh, no. What?
We just moved in
down the street
And thought we'd stop in
and say hi to our new neighbors.
Well, great to meet you.
Come on in. I'm peter.
This is my family.
My wife lois.
My son, chris-- chris,
stop licking yourself
And come up and say hi!
My daughter meg.
Our puppy stewie.
And this is
our human brian.
Nice to meet you.
"say hi
to human brian, blake,"
Says gabe.
Mommy, I want to play
with the new human.
Only if it's okay
with blake.
Uh, yeah, sure,
it's fine.
Gabe is great with puppies.
I swear to god, I hope
the next universe we go to
Is all koreans.
I know who you are, stewie.
I beg your pardon?
I've perfected
multiverse travel, as well.
In fact, I've figured out
How to navigate
with absolute precision.
I haven't.
We've been jumping randomly
from one universe to the next.
Did you have
the "shuffle" button on?
Oh, my god.
There you go.
That's why that
little symbol...
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
The two
crossed arrows...
There it is.
...Is up there
in the corner.
There's your problem.
Oh, my god. I feel silly.
But I can't do
anything about it.
My device has
been destroyed.
Well, I've got one of my own.
I can use it to send you back.
Hold on, I'll get it.
(doorbell rings)
Oh, my god! Who is it? I got it!
Morning, peter.
Hey, joe.
Bonnie and I
are having company tonight,
Wondering if I could
borrow some wet food.
Yeah, sure thing.
That's joe.
He's our local human catcher.
So don't misbehave or the human
catcher'll come after you...
My name's not gabe!
Oh, you're in big trouble,
you little crap!
Boy, you shouldn't have
done that, little fella.
You just earned yourself
a trip to the pound!
(muffled screams)
Who the hell
do you think you are?!
Brian! Brian!
Do something!
Look, I'm sorry about this.
Let me just pay the fine
or whatever
And I'll make sure
this doesn't happen again.
You can pick
him up tomorrow.
Oh. Okay.
Just bring a trash bag.
(wheels squeaking)
What did he mean by that?
Any human that bites
a dog gets euthanized.
You know that.
No, he doesn't!
He's from another universe where
dogs are subservient to humans.
Oh, you mean like
that time we...
When we bounced around
between univ...
And you couldn't figure out
how to...
Oh, they're going
to kill him!
We got to get him
out of there!
It's a tough world here.
You hear about it every night
on the dog news.
Coming up, that bush in the park
is my bush!
My bush!
Look, there he is!
Oh, thank god. I'm saved.
Come on,
let's get out of here.
All right, the two of you,
stand over there
And I'll send you back
where you belong.
Gosh, brian,
I sure hope this next leap...
Will be the leap home.
Human brian:
Take me with you.
What do you mean? You can't
come back to our universe.
Come on, a place
where humans are in charge?
I can't pass that up.
Dog joe:
Get away from there!
Well, this looks like home.
Is there any way
we can be sure?
Mom, have you seen
my trapper keeper?
Yeah, we're home!
Well, now, what do we do
about this guy?
We got two brians
in our universe now.
Don't worry, I don't
plan to stay in quahog.
I'm gonna go out into the world
And see
what I can make of myself.
I can be somebody here.
And it should be easy
for you, because...
I mean-- what luck--
you're white.
You have no idea
how big that is here.
Good-bye, Stewie.
Good-bye, Brian.
Maybe our paths
will cross again someday.
Ah, look at him go.
Free in a world
of his own kind,
Where he can finally reach
the full potential--
Oh, my god!
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