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Three Bedroom house
Chandler, AZ

Hi, I am Joe and this is Jen and welcome to our crib!

The front door.  And here we meet the star of the show, Addie dog.  Pretty much anything you see of any artistic flavor or beauty is attributable to my wife Jen, I had nothing to do with any of it.  Even the door, she came up with the door design.  On the wall is a picture we got in Hawaii, we like to swim with Sea Turtles.

Just inside the front door is office #1.  Again, heeeere’s Addie dog.  Not much else going on here, that is my stereo and desk from college because I am too cheap to buy new stuff.  Jen is forcing the issue though and by 2006 this room will be totally different, assuming we still live here.

This is the downstairs bathroom, and here we meet Bodhi cat.  Bodhi is short for Bodhisattva which is a Buddhist term for an enlightened being who has chosen to forego enlightenment until all beings can join the party.  Actually, he is dumber than the toilet he is sitting on, but he teaches us to relax and just watch the show of life, rather than getting all mixed up in it, so maybe he is a Bodhisattva after all.

Oops!  Sorry Bodhi cat, just trying to take a picture of your special place, we really could’ve gone without the demo.

If you haven’t noticed yet, the joint is kind of a zoo.  Here are the fish, there is another fish in the kitchen.  I used to have saltwater fish but they all croaked and took way too much effort.  These are the goldfish, I feed them and clean the filter every other month.  I’m into low maintenance, Jen is the best example of that.  Again, the plants are Jen’s, but the animals knock them over and pretend to eat them.

Here is the pool room.  I suck.  My Dad and I are playing first one to 100, the loser buys Fleming’s (an awesome local restaurant).  The current score on the board is:

Big Jer: 72

Joey: 71

I’m going to let him win so he feels bad and ends up paying anyway.  There is the dog door, although we learned this morning that if it happens to be sprinkling out, Princess Addie will refuse to go outside, and moves his bowels in the house.  Talk about a rude awakening.  Addie said, “It’s bad enough you make me poo poo outside in front of everyone, you expect me to do it in the rain, too?  F you, here’s a stink bomb for the rug.”  Notice the freshly mowed carpeting in front of the pool table?  Yup, the location of the deuce. 

Good thing we live in Arizona and it only rains once every other year.

This is the kitchen.  I used to cook a lot of really good food here, I’m known as the Drunk Chef because I open a bottle of wine and Jen drinks ½ a glass and I have the rest while I am cooking, so I am usually lit up by the time we sit down to eat.  My parents got us the kitchen table, we love it, thanks Mom and Dad!  Now I am in school so I don’t get to cook, we eat oatmeal now.  On the table is my new puter, I love it and I am typing on it right now.  The Faux painting was done by Jen’s good friend, Autumn, if you live in Arizona she does it professionally.  Or, if you have a really big job, she travels.  Addie dog is playing the Where’s Waldo game, see if you can find her!

Here is our wine ‘fridge with a picture of me on the front.  The ‘fridge is full so come on over for dinner and games!  Notice the pile of crap on the top.  This is what is commonly known as a “Jen Pile”.  Jen leaves her crap all over the place, and this is the crème de la crème Jen pile.  I have had to adjust my OCD and AR tendencies to be able to tolerate this, but she is low maintenance so I let it go.

This is the entertainment area.  The speaker on the right is the one Jen threw the dog rope into cuz she is cute but has very little coordination.  Fellas, if you want to keep nice stuff around, don’t get married.  On top of the center channel is a picture of Jen on her horse, that is the only animal of Zoo DeNicholas that doesn’t live with us (yet). 

We went upstairs now.  Here is office #2.  There is where I work when I am doing stuff for my job.  What’s in the tank, you ask?  A 6 foot Boa Constrictor that my wife accidentally smuggled into this country from Mexico.  I claim it is the only illegal thing she has ever done and still feels terrible about it.  No, she never drank under 21 and never took a hit off a…  Anyways, I’m hoping one day we open up all the tanks and let nature take its course.  The cat will eat the fish, the snake will eat the cat, and Addie dog will take care of the snake.  Then I will be left with only my dog which is the way I wanted it in the first place.

Smile Addie!  We skipped over two bedrooms and a bathroom, but who cares, they are for storage anyway until we get a chitlin’ in the oven (still practicing).  That brings us to the palace of love, our bedroom.  Addie is pissed cuz the flash is too bright.  There is the elephant painting Jen got me cuz they are my favorite animal.  Jen is mad because I didn’t make the bed, but this is the real deal Holyfield.  We are both in school and working engineers, no time to make the bed.

Good girl Addie, you can move now.  Man, I trained that dog well.  Here is the bedroom from the other direction, another little entertainment area where Jen goes to watch her crappy t.v. programs like X files re-runs and CSI (Las Vegas is best she says, I have no idea what the hell she is talking about).

Here is my car, it is my second favorite “thing”.  We call it the “smurf-mobile” for obvious reasons.  It goes real fast, but I’ve only received one citation in almost 2 years, that’s pretty good.  Third gear is a beast.  A Jetta tried to race me the other day.  Typically I don’t engage but was slightly insulted at the assertion, so it didn’t go well for the Jetta.  Jen’s Durango is at the barn (imagine that!) so no picture of it.


Here is my favorite thing, my bicycle.  Even though I have had over 20 stitches, a minor concussion, and a severe allergic reaction (from landing in a cactus), I still love biking.  Last year we got second place in a race together, not sure if I’ll be able to race this winter with school taking up so much time.  Notice the green horn and shark squeak toy on the handle bars.  Imagine getting passed by a guy with a Krispy Kreme hat taped to his helmet and kids toys and stickers on his bike.  The spandex wearin’ Huff & Puff crews love that, especially when I toot the horn on my way past.  Sometimes I rap Beastie Boys and squeak the horns in tune.  “I did it like this, I did it like that, I did it with a wiffle ball bat sooooooooo….”  Good times, good times. 

So, that’s it, sorry there are no pictures of us but Jen was in the shower (that’s why there’s no pictures of the main bathroom) and I don’t know how to use the timer on my camera.  So, hope you liked seeing our zoo.

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