Jared Fogle. Congratulations. You're not a fucking hippo anymore. I do not understand the uber-sensational cult hero status bestowed on this formerly fat, now sorta slim guy. Am I supposed to care that he got off his lazy lard ass and lost some weight? Let me clue everyone into something... Subway sucks ass, and he's still ugly. And was I cranked up the other night or did I see not only him, but his very plain-looking fiancee trying to hawk these tasteless sandwiches? Doesn't Subway realize that if they got Anna Kournikova to sell their shit, I'd put them into the regular lunch rotation, but as it is, every time I see that fucking commercial I want to go to Taco Bell and order 5 taco supremes with extra sour cream.

South Of The Border

1 oz Tequila
3/4 oz Coffee brandy
Juice of 1/2 Lime
1 slice Lime

Mixing instructions: Shake all ingredients (except lime slice) with ice and strain into a whiskey sour glass. Add the slice of lime and serve.