Z-Bonia

Updated: 6/4/02 Click here for Zbonia archive

Words

Man I still hate the phone. When it rings I still cringe. I like people from Chicago more than people from somewhere else that move here and live here - pretty much for one reason. Cause these people that were born somewhere else don't really give a shit about the Cubs but they buy up a lot of the good seats at Wrigley. No justice, No peace. No woman, no cry. So I sit here on week nights and eat a lot of pizza and sandwiches and I watch a lot of Cubs games. I cut my finger nails once a week. I cut my toe nails maybe once every 2 1/2 weeks. I wish I could have someone come over and cut my hair every 2 1/2 weeks. Chando's girlfriend cuts hair. She might do haircuts next weekend.

 

Email Attachment of the Week

Joke of the Week

15 Easy Steps To Crap Like A Man (Unknown Female Author )

1. Select reading material.

2. Tell everyone along the way, "Just going for a
dump, okay?" Always tell girlfriend/wife,
especially when she has visitors.

3. Pull pants and trousers around ankles, then
sit down.

4. Adjust penis and testicles to hang comfortably
without touching the toilet rim.

5. Open reading material and relax.

6. Whilst waiting, it is traditional to audibly
fart.

7. Sigh loudly as the first one bullets out. It
is quite normal to experience a cold jet of water
rocket up your anus as a result of the first
bomb. This is to be endured if you want to be a
real man.

8. Remain sitting and reading until
pins-and-needles set in to your legs and
buttocks.

9. Rise and look at the crap. Make mental notes
of irregularities to report to friends and
girlfriend/wife, e.g. color, consistency, any
visible traces of peanuts etc. You must tell
people about it.

10. Take long length of paper and wipe anus. You
must look at the paper before throwing it into
the bowl.

11. Repeat step 10 until there is no longer any
evidence of feces on the paper.

12. Flush. If there is any residue left on the
bowl, under no circumstances attempt to clean it
off. In due course, it will come away by itself.
Or, when your girlfriend/wife next uses the
toilet.

13. Leave the seat up. Leave the reading material
on the floor (you can use it again later).

14. Wash your hands once.

15. Vacate the bathroom, leaving the door open.
It is important to a man's self-esteem that other
people smell his produce.

Email Train of the Week - usually have to read these bottom to top

Andrew P Ziola

but that stuff don't smell

Shin

They sell manure for fertilizer that I can buy. That's the same thing as poo.

Andrew P Ziola

fine

where can we get a pile of poo?

Shin

Fine, I bet you $10.00 that you wouldn't stick your head in a bucket full of poo.

Andrew P Ziola

put your $ where your mouth is

Shin

yeah, I'm sure you're right, but I bet you would never stick your head
in a bucket of poo...


Andrew P Ziola

stick your head in zburbias mud bucket

that is not the nicest smelling thing ever

Shin

not nearly as bad as dog poo.

Andrew P Ziola

ya poo smells bad

sometimes mud smells a little too

Shin

actually, it was pretty gross b/c she was running and I had to stay way
far behind her b/c I thought that it would fly off her shoes and hit me. I
ended up crossing the street. Maybe she thought it was just mud, but
you would think that she would notice the smell.

Andrew P Ziola

classic

poo

pee

hilarity

Shin

oh yeah, I was feeling pretty low the other day. I'm dealing with that
stuff and trying to not let it upset me.

So I went running Tuesday and some lady stepped in a pile of dog crap
and got it on the back of her leg and didn't even stop running to wipe it
off. It was gross.

Andrew P Ziola

yep

i thought you said your head made you pissed the other day so i thought
i would ask

and i wanna get some email trains rolling soon cause i need them for zbone

Shin

I guess so.

everything OK with you?

Andrew P Ziola

everything OK?

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