Z-Bonia

Updated: 4/1/03 Click here for Zbonia archive

Words

Now I know why you got fired the first time. MU is going to the Final Four and I don't know if I am but I am trying real fucking hard to make this happen. OK we are not going. There were 100 reasons to say fuck it and 1 reason to say that we were gonna go - an MU champioship - still a big if. I like winners. April fools.

Email Attachment of the Week


Joke of the Week

A LITTLE MALE CHAUVINISM IN YOUR EYE... From MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES (Embedded image moved to file: pic31316.gif) How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men break wind more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%. It's called a Wedding Cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God norMan has rested.

-- Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower."

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son.

A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Email Train of the Week - usually have to read these bottom to top

John Schalk

i've got tons more golf bulba stories that would make you roll, here
are a couple other favorites:

- once on the first tee at a course we play all the time, we were all
playing the back tees and bulba was talking to the starting saying that
women shouldn't be on the course on saturdays and that we are all good
enough to play the back tees. he hits his first drive off the yard arm
(the sign that tells you what hole and how far it is), made a huge
noise and i almost proceeded to piss myself. i had tears in my eyes the
entire hole, not sure how i was able to hit my shot off that tee. that one
still gets him riled up!

- he once put 9 balls in a water hazard on the 17th hole at kemper
lakes off the tee. there's a drop area but he refused and the groups behind
us were stacking up and he kept swearing and going back to his bag for
more balls. the ball he finally hit on the green, once i got to the green i
picked it up and threw it in the lake as well; you'd of thought i stole
money from him. don't think he talked to until he had a few captains
after the round.

- last year, he duck hooked a drive off the 8th tee at our favorite
course, went to throw his club at the ground in disgust and it caught on his
finger and it came at me and bruised my left shoulder. i didn't talk to him
for two holes, he did apologize every ten minutes the rest of the day.

- the all time favorite, he really gets pissed when this is brought up.
we went down to college for homecoming four years ago and one of our
friends stuck a tee in the governor to make the carts go really fast. after
about 300 budweisers we were playing bumper cars and the cart bulba was a
passenger in got out of control, the driver bailed and bulba's head
shot up and hit the roof as it tipped, he cracked the roof, his head was
bleeding and the sand bucket from the back of the cart dumped on him. he sat on
the ground a deer in the headlights look; i've never laughed so hard in my
life!!

"Mark Moroni"

that is great story - made me smile and chuckle a little bit.

thanx bratwurst.

From: <jschalk@focal.com

sometimes? the 10 pin didn't go down, it should've gone down because
bulba hit the pocket! you should see him on the golf course, he won't take
a lost ball penalty because if he were on tour there would be spotters
out there to locate his ball when they go into the trees! that one kills
me!

"Mark Moroni"

i guess - he wacky dude.

i like bulba - but man - he just doesn't get stuff sometimes.

From: <AZiola@focal.com

so he does have one?

"Mark Moroni"

just talked to bulba - he said they can't do that and it is against
the law.

i told him you can bitch & moan all you want but when it comes down
to it you're gonna have to pay with credit card or they're not gonna sell
to you.

he said bulba bulba bulba - i have a credit card to use if necessary.

From: <jschalk@focal.com

z suits you better, just like roman for him and schalk (or
bratwurst) for me

can't wait for my first 5 bratwurst game in the bleachers, kind
of like homer and his beer.

Andrew P Ziola

i wish my name was bulba

John Schalk

a lot can happen in a year for bulba! he usually gets them from
his broker chick, nothing is ever easy when your name is bulba!

"Mark Moroni"

that's wack - fuck.

i wonder how he bought tix on-line last year???

i'm gonna call him and find out the dilly.

-From: <jschalk@focal.com

don't think he's got one, we'd just miss those games if his
number is called!

"Mark Moroni"

schalk - do you know if chando has a credit card? because when
we were in th UP it seemed like he didn't because ed had to cover for him.

and he can't pay cash for cubs tix - they only accept credit
card for sox & yankees games..

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