Z-Bonia

Updated: 3/19/02 Click here for Zbonia archive

Words

This is a nice time of year cause of hope and excitement. My whole summer is planned and everything is starting soon like softball and the Cubs. So all I need is some of the warm and I am gonna take off my shirt and party. Chicago is weird cause everyone jams so much stuff in like 4 months. I literally only have 1 open weekend for the whole Summer and it is only March. This weekend is the Mullet Banquet. It should be fun. Shaving blows so I have a beard but I still have to shave my neck and you can tell cause my neck looks like herpes cause I hack the shit out of it trying to shave it. I really didn't celebrate St. Patty's day this weekend. I don't get it. Why are all these dumb heads wearing green and green beads and painting their faces and getting under the influence with the booze? Is that what St. Pat wanted? They should just call it Dumb Day and honor dumb drunks like these people that go to the bar at 6AM and walk around my neighborhood like a bunch of crazy nut poops.

 

Email Attachment of the Week

Joke of the Week

O.K. guys, let's face it, on February 14th, we perpetually get the shaft. Although booked as a celebration of "Love" the grand marketing and promotion machine in the Media centers of New York and Los Angeles has "morphed" this celebration into a day that celebrates all things female.

We are forced to display our undying affection for our "significant other" or "significant other de jour" by bestowing upon her the gifts of flowers, cards, jewelry, dinner, shows, clothing, spa et cetera, et cetera. Of course, we must navigate the perfume spraying kabuki matrons in the local mall with the "Grail" in mind of satiating our "woman's" delights with coupled the knowledge that we must present at least two of the above listed items to her with a combined total suggested retail value of not less than $175.

We feel put upon, harried and left out. Yes, left out. There is no special holiday for men. Although we may be to proud to admit it, we need our own day. Toward that end, an underground group of well wishing women and forward thinking men have proposed a new holiday be created on March 20th, 2002. (They picked the 3rd Wednesday in March so we would be able to miss "The West Wing" and "Law and Order" and still get to watch most of the NCAA Basketball Tournament). That holiday is "Steak and Blowjob Day".

Elegant in its simplicity, flawless in execution and exceptionally self explanatory. This holiday has been created so the ladies of this world can have a simple, low stress hassle free way to show the men in their lives how much they love them. No cards, no flowers, no shopping. The name of the holiday says it all, a steak and a blowjob. That's it, nothing more. Now we have a "yin" to their "yang" a balance. This will also allow going forward a reason for our excesses in February based on the promise of a really good steak and blowjob in March and will be self limiting because well, a blowjob is nice, but $500 nice?

The word is starting to spread and our focus group research tells us that within three years we will have much better success than Kwanzaa, and will be on twice as many calendars, but this is our first "go" date. Please let the world know, Wednesday March 20th is "Steak and Blowjob Day".

Email Train of the Week - usually have to read these bottom to top

Andrew P Ziola

my favoite show on TV is BP - butt plug
my 2nd fave is roman's crack

"RoMaN"

roman's creek.

dawson's crack.

From: jshin@focal.com

Well according to my measurements, I don't think you can fit a boat
of Roman's crack.

Amy Dowsek

for some reason, roman's crack is reminding me of dawson's creek

From: jshin@focal.com

yes, that is what I was checking out, Roman's crack.

"RoMaN"

you said crack.

From: "Amy Dowsek"

oh my God, this is cracking me up!

From: jshin@focal.com

because when you were bowling last night I was taking measurements of your ass evertime you bent over. So I know.

fecal matter, fecal matter, fecal matter.

"RoMaN"

#1. No you can't

#2 how would you know?

#3 saying #1 and #2 is pretty funny.

From: jshin@focal.com

I actually think you can fit a whole lot more up your colon.

"RoMaN"

that's the largest screen i can fit in my colon.
sorry.

From: "Amy Dowsek"

i don't think i am gonna watch it in your butt then, that's a
pretty small tv. it was nice of you to invite us in though

From: RoMaN

2.3 inches.

From: "Amy Dowsek"

what size screen you got in your butt?

From: RoMaN

not up my butt.

in my butt.

From: jshin@focal.com

yeah, I think we should watch the game up Roman's butt.

"RoMaN"

my butt?

From: "Amy Dowsek"

we are deciding that now

i say here are three choices

1- joes
2- lincoln station
3- millers pub

i am up for any/ all suggestions

From: AZiola@focal.com

you guys figure out where you going for bears game
tomorrow?

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