Z-Bonia

Updated: 12/4/01 Click here for Zbonia archive

Words

I am back from my cruise. Great time. I didn't get as tan as I wanted, damnit. I think I am glad I live on land and not water though. Cause there is more to look on land. On water all you see is water and water is nice but I like looking at other things like buildings and trees and squirrels in those trees. Bigger girls should not wear fuck me boots. My cat was happy to see me when I got back from my trip. I am 26 years old. That is kind of old sounding. I thought I would feel more like an adult at this age. Weird. Taking an airplane after the terrorist thing was not a huge deal. There were no terrorist looking dudes on either of my planes but there was one on the L train when I was coming home from the airport. He did not blow up the L train. He just sat there. So he probably was not a terrorist. I think if terrorists wanted to take over my flight coming home - I would have been like - go ahead - because I was tired and sleeping and crap and wasn't in the mood for terrorist fighting.

 

Email Attachment of the Week

Please follow the below instructions and enjoy....

1. Open Fresh Excel Sheet.
2. Press F5.
3. Type X97:L97
4. Press Enter or OK.
5. Press Tab once.
6. Hold Shift and Cntrl together and click on Chart Wizard Icon.

If the screen goes blank, don't panic, move your mouse, left right to walk on the surface of the moon.

All at the same time, You will see a fantastic view of Mars.

To stop, use Esc.

Joke of the Week

Beer vs pussy...

A 19-year-old beer tastes awful.
A 19-year-old pussy tastes great.
Advantage: Pussy

A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.

Having an ice-cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Tie

If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy

24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy

Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible..
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer, your wife may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy

If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: Pussy

If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy

Peeling labels off of beers gets you heckled.
Peeling panties off of pussy gets you high fives.
Advantage: Pussy.

If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer

If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.

The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.

Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Beer

Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead, Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.
Good pussy almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.

Pussy Wins 14 to 8

Email Train of the Week - usually have to read these bottom to top

"Mark Moroni"

nah i won't vomit.

i was just plain stupid.

From: "Amy Dowsek"

will it make you vomit.

can we talk about it?

From: Mark Moroni

i've actually messed with a couple nasty faces.

i'd rather not discuss it though.

From: "Amy Dowsek"

ok i willl accept that. you are not picky in regards to boobs and down. what about a nasty face?

From: AZiola@focal.com

it is because these things honestly don't bother me

Amy Dowsek

i don't know how i feel about that.
are you just being nice or is it cause you're getting some?

From: AZiola@focal.com

it could be really nasty cooch or dinky cans and i will stick around

Amy Dowsek

couldn't you tell that before you started messing around with her?

From: Mark Moroni

yes.

because they were so small it was like a dude, so i booked.

From: jshin@focal.com

You were messing around with a girl and you thought her boobs were too small so you left?!?!

"Mark Moroni"

if it was i'd run away.

i did that once to a broad whose boob i thought were too small.

From: "Amy Dowsek"

how do you know if their down is brown or smelly before it's too late?

From: Mark Moroni

correct.

From: jshin@focal.com

that's b/c you are particular with your down. no brown down. no smelly down.

"Mark Moroni"

vag has never made me gag.

From: jshin@focal.com

sometimes.

"Mark Moroni"

what about a dick?

From: "Amy Dowsek"

spoons make me gag too. towel in the mouth make me gag as well.

Mark Moroni

gag me with a spoon, i mean toothbrush.

jshin@focal.com

brushing my tongue makes me gag too.

Amy Dowsek

brushing your tounge or brushing your teeth?

AZiola@focal.com

brushing my teeth makes me gag which is the closest i have been to vomiting in a long time

Amy Dowsek

are you going to have to make yourself vomit, or can you do it on command?

AZiola@focal.com

fuck it - i ain't gonna say it

i am gonna do it - vomit

Shin

say that outloud so your girl that works for you can hear you.

Andrew P Ziola

hooo-wahhh

hooo-wahhh

Amy Dowsek

i only make the sounds when i dry heave.

and that's just cause it hurts and there's not much coming out.

Mark Moroni

what sound did you make while vomitng?

AZiola@focal.com

(See attached file: amy.jpg)

Shin

thank you.

Amy Dowsek

oh. next time i will be more clear.

jshin@focal.com

you said, "no other way" when I asked if you had romanade.

I thought you meant, 'their is no other way to have the stomach flu."

when really you mean, 'no, other way' as in 'no, the other way out of my mouth'

Amy Dowsek

whoa. what?

jshin@focal.com

OH, I thought you meant, Their is no other way for the stuff to come out then romanade, not, No, the other way out of my body.

Amy Dowsek

no, that would be romanade... i was vomitting not pooing

AZiola@focal.com

when you poo - is it liquid?

Amy Dowsek

took some
had ginger ale too

jshin@focal.com

pepto bisro.

Amy Dowsek

no other way

that stopped around 9 this morning though

jshin@focal.com

romanade?

Amy Dowsek

i have stomach flu and cold

ann just has bad cold

jshin@focal.com

Ann sick too?

Amy Dowsek

between ann & i we need to have our home quarantined

jshin@focal.com

nevermind, i didn't read the ill part.

Amy Dowsek

at home.
ill.

fl weather looks good clear

jshin@focal.com

are you at work?

Amy Dowsek

i am watching tom skilling right now

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