Email Attachment of the Week
Joke of the Week
Three men stand before St. Peter awaiting admission into Heaven. However, St. Peter has been informed that Heaven will only admit 33% of applicants today. The admissions standard: Who died the worst death? So, St. Peter takes each of the three men aside in turn and asks them about how they died.
First man: "I'd been suspecting for a long time that my wife was cheating on me. I decided to come home early from work one afternoon and check to see if I could catch her in the act. When I got back to my apartment, I heard the water running. My wife was in the shower. I looked everywhere for the guy, but couldn't find anyone or any trace that he had been there. The last place I looked was out on the balcony.
I found the bastard hanging from the edge, trying to get back in! So I started jumping up and down on his hands, and he yelled, but he didn't fall. So I ran inside and got a hammer, and crushed his fingers with it until he fell twenty-five floors screaming in agony. But the fall didn't kill the asshole. He landed in some bushes! So I dragged the refirgerator from the kitchen (it weighed about a ton), pulled it to the balcony, and hurled it over the edge. It landed right on the guy and killed him. But then I felt so horrible about what I had done, I went back into the bedroom and shot myself."
St. Peter nodded slowly as the man recounted the story. Then, telling the first man to wait, he took the second aside.
Second man: "I lived on the twenty-seventh floor of this apartment building. I had just purchased this book on morning exercises and was practicing them on my balcony, enjoying the sunshine, when I lost my balance and fell off the edge. Luckily, I only fell about two floors before grabbing another balcony and holding on for dear life. I was trying to pull myself up when this guy came running onto what must have been his balcony and started jumping up and down on my hands. I screamed in pain, but he seemed really irate. When he finally stopped, I tried to pull myself up again, but he came out with a hammer and smashed my fingers to a pulp! I fell, and I thought I was dead, but I landed in some bushes. I couldn't believe my second stroke of luck, but it didn't last. The last thing I saw was this enormous refrigerator falling from the building down on top of me and crushing me."
St. Peter comforted the man, who seemed to have several broken bones. Then he told him to wait, and turned to the third man.
Third man: "Picture this. You're hiding, naked, in a refrigerator..."
Email Train of the Week - usually have to read these bottom to top
Umm..have you thought about poor old Schmoopie? Is she ready for a fight with her or what? Could Schmoopie take Assela??
ya sometimes i catch her foaming at the mouth
i ask her what is going on
she says it is nothing
She is a maniac. I would really be careful if I were you. She's like a dog...she could turn on you at any given moment. LOOK OUT!
or what about the time she body slammed that one guy and scalped his dog?
She gets crazy! She broke some guys nose in one then cracked some bitches tooth! GO ASSELA!
i have seen her start at least 6 circle pits
Back in the day Assela could really mosh.
ya we are gonna do a little moshing, body surfing, and stage diving (or stand in the back with the other old people like usual)
"Wendy Regan" email@example.com
That is right!! Well, tape it! Have a blast tonight you young hip couple!
shit hopefully we will be home by then
we are goin to see blink 182 at house of blues
Hey! Tonight on channel 5 news at 10 there is a segemnt on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy in Chicago! PAUL KEPNER is one of the gay guys who does the makeover! Check it out tonight !