Z-Bonia

Updated: 1/30/07 Click here for Zbonia archive

Words

I don't like when people refer to late afternoons at work as "night." I think people think sound impressive when they say stuff like "last night I sent out that email." But they sent it out at like 4:15 PM. I think I am sick again. Well I know I am sick again. Either I have been sick for 3 weeks or I have gotten sick 3 different times in 3 weeks. Sucky.

 

Email Attachment of the Week

Joke of the Week

Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here then, are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot
did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel
and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the
honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its
men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman
had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting
from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable
and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3
days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, he
man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head
at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief
on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made
of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the
woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car
and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes,
officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't
open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion
rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man,
frustrated, walked away.

***A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER***

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Email Train of the Week - usually have to read these bottom to top


--- Z <aziola@yahoo.com wrote:

i might just say we save our money for cubs world series tix this
Fall

--- Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056 <Andrew.Mankiewicz@motorola.com wrote:


It did take hours. Trust me on that one.

------
Andrew

-----Original Message-----
From: Z [mailto:aziola@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 4:23 PM
To: Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056
Subject: RE: i like where mu is

that last 5 minutes seemed like hours
we knew they were gonna win we just wanted to know for sure it was
officially gonna happen

--- Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056 <Andrew.Mankiewicz@motorola.com
wrote:


I would have been as well.

------
Andrew

-----Original Message-----
From: Z [mailto:aziola@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 4:14 PM
To: Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056
Subject: RE: i like where mu is

i was nervous until about 5 minutes left in game

--- Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056 <Andrew.Mankiewicz@motorola.com
wrote:


I was flipping back & forth to make sure that I caught Reggie torching the Bears D. Admit it, you were nervous after that touchdown...

------
Andrew

-----Original Message-----
From: Z [mailto:aziola@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 4:08 PM
To: Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056; Moroni Mark-CMM088
Subject: RE: i like where mu is

admit it you were flipping to the bears game cause you are a HUGE BEARS FAN

bear down andy...

--- Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056 <Andrew.Mankiewicz@motorola.com
wrote:

Not that I know of. But, I was flipping between 2 games.
So, I might have missed something...

------
Andrew

-----Original Message-----
From: Z [mailto:aziola@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 4:00 PM
To: Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056; Moroni Mark-CMM088
Subject: RE: i like where mu is

didnt james get hurt or something at the end?

--- Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056 <Andrew.Mankiewicz@motorola.com
wrote:


They were fantastic in OT. Hit every free throw. James
was also unbelievable. I hope he comes back for 1 more year.

Can't wait to see them smoke Depaul in February at the
Allstate
Arena...

------
Andrew

-----Original Message-----
From: Z [mailto:aziola@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 3:56 PM
To: Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056; Moroni Mark-CMM088
Subject: RE: i like where mu is

i tivoed game but i just was lookin and see that it was in
OT so i bet the ending was cut off

--- Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056
<Andrew.Mankiewicz@motorola.com
wrote:


They would be higher had they not messed up their 1st 2 big east

games...

------
Andrew

-----Original Message-----
From: Z [mailto:aziola@yahoo.com]
Sent: Monday, January 22, 2007 3:34 PM
To: Moroni Mark-CMM088; Mankiewicz Andrew-CAM056
Subject: i like where mu is

http://sports.yahoo.com/ncaab/polls

Love, Z E-mail me if you have anything you want to post on this page