Z-Bonia

Updated: 1/14/03 Click here for Zbonia archive

Words

I miss Polly Esters. I don't like these companies: cable company, cell phone companies. Ladies with really manly voices really make me cringe. There should be more hot beverages. It is good to run into fans. Usually at this time of year I am like winter blows I am so sick of it, but not really this year. I consume buckets of coffee all day long. I am glad to have stuff to do. I hope we go to Great America this Summer. I wonder if the Guiness Book has the longest pube on record. I just found my second gray hair.

I got this via electronic mail

When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up... And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But....

Now that I've reached the ripe old age of twenty-nine, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so fuckin' easy!

And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet--we wanted to know something, we had to go to the goddamned library and look it up ourselves!

And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter--with a pen!--and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it it the fuckin' mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

And there were no MP3s or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to go to the goddamned record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the begining and fuck it all up!

You want to hear about hardship?

You couldn't just download porn! You had to bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! It was either that or jackoff to the lingerie section of the JC Penney catalog!

Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy shit like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal!

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win,the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you,you were screwed!

And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... ...D'ya hear what the fuck I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little bastards!

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!

Email Attachment of the Week


Joke of the Week

Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so."

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so."

Email Train of the Week - usually have to read these bottom to top

"RoMaN"

get up and get get get down
911 is a joke in your town

From: AZiola@focal.com

i feel so alive for the very first time. and i think i could fly.

i feel so alive.

"RoMaN"

i'm feeling good from my head to my shoes.

know where i'm going and i know what to do.

From: AZiola@focal.com

i am very snotty today

"RoMaN"

you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose

but you can't pick your friends noses.

From: "Angela Mills"

i don't think i have much of choice of who i wanna hang out with.

RoMaN wrote:

i would rather hang out with funslice instead of simple plan.

From: "Angela Mills"
test works. your song may suck, but i still like you guys.

AZiola@focal.com wrote:

i wouldnt think you would like it after you heard our song

Angela Mills

you serious? thanks. me like.

RoMaN wrote:

angela - say hello to your new e-mail address

ang@funslice.com

all mail to the above address automatically gets
forwarded to your amills@rbhs.w-cook.k12.il.us

voila!

Love, Z E-mail me if you have anything you want to post on this page