<link rel="stylesheet" href="../html4/css/skel.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../html4/css/style.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../html4/css/style-desktop.css" />

Dr. Odd

I am kinda sick of earth I want to move to Super Earth httpbitlyKMr3Up


Seinfeld Sound Bites

Seinfeld Quote
Seinfeld Audio Clips
Seinfeld WAVs
Seinfeld Bites

Elaine Benes George Costanza Jerry Seinfeld Cosmo Kramer  
Seinfeld Sound Bites

Elaine Benes

Maybe the Dingo ate your baby! The dingo ate your baby!.mp3

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine: "Get out!"

Are you gonna sleep with me or what?! I'm too tired to even vomit at the thought..mp3

Elaine hates The English Patient, go to hell !!.mp3

Elaine has faked: It was all an act?! What about the breathing, the panting, the moaning, the screaming? Fake, fake, fake, fake!.mp3

A bird ran into my giant freak-head.mp3

Get out.mp3


Admitting a man is handsome ...), it does not help.mp3

Helloooohh.mp3

What am I, a hooker?!.wav

I am become George, it is true, I am George.mp3

Elaine, Jerry and George saying: These pretzels are making me thirsty.mp3

He recycled this gift, he is a regifter.mp3

Jerry!!!, shut uuuupp!.mp3

Stunned by soup?!.mp3

She is a virgin, not like spotting a toupee.mp3

Yada yada yada.mp3

Yada yada sex, I mentioned the bisk.mp3

diaphram.mp3
Elaine describes a mishap with her diaphram

Attractive.wav
Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine: "Is it possible I'm not as attractive as I think I am?"

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Well, that's because you're an idiot."

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine: "Is it possible I'm not as attractive as I think I am?"

hooker.mp3
Elaine: What am I, hooker?

elaine_getout.mp3
(Elaine) Get out! Kramer hits floor

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Just couldn't decide if he was really sponge-worthy."

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "I think you're stickin' it to me."

anauthorized_hi.mp3
(Elaine) When fact, it was an unauthorized HI

braless_wonder.mp3
(Elaine) Oh great, the braless wonder. Who does she think she's kidding? I mean look at her she's totaly out of control. 185KB

 

George Costanza

George Costanza: "Well, I, uh, I'm not sure how you pronounce it or anything, but I, uh, believe it's menage a trois?"

Ah_hah.wav
Jason Alexander as George: "Ah hah!"

Back_in_business.wav
George Costanza: "I'm back in business, baby!"

emergncy.mp3
George: "C'mon -- it's an emergency!"

Jason Alexander as George: "Ah hah!"

Blowhole.wav
George Costanza: "Face to face with the blowhole!"

George Costanza: "How hard could it be?"

George Costanza: "Oh, mother of God."

George Costanza: "I am gonna think about this. I am really gonna think about this!"

George Costanza: "The tomato never really took off as a hand fruit."

George Costanza: "Ya know, we're living in a society!"

Break-up.wav
George Costanza: "Do I have to break-up with her in person? Can't I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things."
Seinfeld: "You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion -- right off!"

George Costanza: "Face to face with the blowhole!"

freakin_out.mp3
(George) It's really freaking me out man!
 

george_bitches.mp3
George: "Sons of bitches."
 

George Costanza: "Well, I got just the thing to cheer you up... a computer!"

dementia.mp3
(George) Do you ever just get down on your knees and thank God that you have access to my dementia?

Ah-haahhhh!!!.wav

Temperature in Florida, 79, almost 80.mp3

Answering machine George: Believe it or not, George, isn't at home ...).mp3


Pretend to be an architect.wav


I am the Bad boy, never been the bad boy. The bad employee, son, friend, ..., tipper!!.mp3


He is beboppin and scattin, and I am losing it.wav


You had to have the Big Salad!!.mp3


Break up through the phone? One motion! Right off!.wav


Buzzer - come on up.mp3


Can't park in a garage, it is like going to a prostitute.mp3


Mr. Heyman - Can't stand ya


My mother caught me during....you know) .mp3


I am caught in my own web of lies.wav


Block of cheese, the size of a car battery!.wav


Checkmate - we should not see each other anymore.mp3


The advantage of dating a prisoner, no competition and pop-in.mp3


Jerry slept with Elaine, Now you listen to me. I want details and I want them right now!.mp3


Different cupsizes, D is the biggest.wav


You double dipped the chip. You dipped the chip. You took a bite, ... and you dipped again.wav


The ego: friend/sex arrangement between Jerry and Elaine.mp3


Never felt confident below the equator.mp3


Kramer goes to a fantasy camp. His whole life is a fantasy camp!.mp3


Funny guy!!.wav


You can stuff your sorries in a sack mister.wav


Lets get nuts!!!.wav


Get down on your knees and thank god that ...).mp3


George goes nuts: Japanese guys had sake in the hot tub!!!, Uncle Leo?! JERRY!!!.mp3


Do you wanna have sex right now?!! Let's go! C'mon, let's go baby!!! C'mon!.mp3

Helloooo.mp3


Holding it in is very bad for the kidneys pool).mp3


Are you cying from Home alone?! The Old man got to me... Oh, shut up!.mp3


Hoochie mama.wav


Break up: You lied toe me George!... I got hand!... And you'll gonna need it.mp3


You are killing Independent George!!.mp3


IQ-test: People think I am smart, but I am not smart. Who think you are smart?!.mp3


The jerk store called, and they are runnin outta u!!!.mp3


Khhaaaaaaaaaan!!!!.wav


What kind of person are you; only successful.wav


Jerry = Kramer since he moved in Kramers appartment.mp3


Little respect for the Lord of the Idiots.mp3


George in love with Tony the Mimbo.mp3


The Marine Biologist - George walks into the water.mp3


The Marine Biologist - the sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli! ...) A hole in one, huh?!.mp3


The Marine Biologist - George tells to Diane he is not a Marine Biologist.mp3


The Race - George pretends he doesn't know Jerry.mp3


The Race - George is becoming bald.mp3


Driven woman to lesbianism, never to mental institution.mp3


No no no no no.wav


Hey it is George, got nothing to say.wav


George in discussion with an old man. Live is too short to waste on you.mp3

Feel like my old self again, ...) It is a pleasure.mp3


The Opposite Theory: My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be ...).mp3


The Opposite - My name is George ...), I am Victoria.mp3


The Opposite - Who are u, I am the opposite ...).mp3


Food and sex are the 2 passions.mp3


Am I talking to you Pinhead?!!!.wav


Are you crazy, this is like discovering plutonium by accident!!!.mp3


I was in the pooooool, I was in the poooool !!!.wav


Every time I think I am out, they pull me back in!!.wav


No one has accomplished the Roommate Switch.mp3


Salsa is the number one condiment in America. Salsa, salsa, salsa.mp3


Serenity now!!!!!.wav
7

Sons of bitches!!.wav
13

The Opposite - Job applicant at the New York Yankees. Hire this man!!.mp3 110

The Andrea Doria - Life stories of George.mp3
131

I can sense the slightest human suffering.mp3
22

I proclaim this the Summer of george.wav


The Opposite - We're trying to watch the movie!!! ... tough).mp3


I am unemployed and live with my parents.wav

George is gettin upset!!.wav


George is wasting his life. No job, money, woman, prospects ...). Daily News.mp3


Mr. Hayman gives George a Wedgie.mp3


What the hell is going on here?!!!.wav


The colliding worlds theory, killing independent George.mp3


Yada yada yada.wav



Jerry Seinfeld

Seinfeld: "Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun -- ya don't stare at it!"

Seinfeld: "Oh, I know the chunky that left these Chunkies... Newman!"

Seinfeld: "I mean this thing is really freakin' me out."

Seinfeld: "Well, what are friends for?"

Seinfeld: "I'm a joke maker."

business.mp3
Jerry: So what do you do down there all day? Kramer: TCB, you know, taking care business
 

car_hold.mp3
(Jerry from stand-up) car horn honk, is that the beauty. Have you seen men doing this? What is this? man is car, the woman walks by front car, he honks horn like- eh eh eh. This man is out of ideas. How does he- eh eh eh....I dont think she likes me.
 

Seinfeld: "Oh, yeah, I like this idea."

Seinfeld: "It seems like every week a whole new set of problems would just crop up out of nowhere."

Seinfeld: "There's no more kissing, and I don't care what the consequences are."

Seinfeld: "Ya know, that Jayne Mansfield had some big breasts."

cinnamon.mp3
(Jerry from Stand-up) Cinnamon! It should be tables restaurants along with salt pepper! Anytime someone says 'Oh this is so good, whats this?' answer invariably comes back- cinnamon! cinnamon! again again

cleavage.mp3
Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at sun, you dont stare at it, its too risky! You get sense it then look away!
 

Seinfeld: "We've made a lot of friends, shared a lot of laughs... often at the expense of others."

Seinfeld: "Seinfeld, you magnificent bastard!"

Seinfeld: "Aw, you're crazy."

All right!!!.wav

That's a big move - Matzoh Ball.wav

I know the chunky that left these chunkies,
Newman!!!.wav


Kramer never listen to Jerry anymore. Crazy time.mp3

Favourite explorers, Magellan. DeSoto?!.mp3

Jerry's confessing. Father: offends you as a Jewish person?!.mp3

Are we finished?! Done!.wav

Fungicide. I mean what could she have?.wav

God bless you. "You're soo good looking''.mp3

Hello Jerry. Hello Newman.wav

Hello Newman. Hello Jerry.wav

Hellooooooohh.mp3

Kramer's face is hideous.mp3

Slapping hands is the lowest form of male primate ritual - Puddy: High five.mp3

The Voice: Holaaaa, helloooohh.mp3

Newman is my sworn enemy. He lives down the hall from my home.mp3

I'm not sure and and and correct me if I'm wrong but I think I see ... a nipple!.wav

This is horrible! I care!.mp3

Ever tell you how much I love you.mp3

Phone) Hi Sophie, it's me. The Tractor

story.mp3

So long, Jackass!!.mp3

I get jiggy with it!.mp3

Knowing you is like going out in the jungle.mp3

The Kiss Hello: I don't see the point to it.mp3

The Kiss Hello: How about an intercourse

hello?!.mp3

La la laaaahhh.mp3

I'm going to hire you as my latex salesman?!.wav

The Contest: Men have to do it, part of Lifestyle.mp3

Make-up sex is the best feature of a relationship.wav

Master of your domain. Queen of the castle.wav

Mulva? ... Gipple? ... Loleola? ... Oh, Deloris!!!.mp3

Jerry suppress his emotions - What's that, a new bit?.mp3

We're like children. We're not men. Pathetic!.mp3

We're not gay! Not that there's anything wrong with that!.wav

I chose not to run.mp3

95% of the population is undateable - Alcohol.wav

phone) Would you be interested in a subscription to the New York Times.mp3

You're gonna be the first pirate. I don't wanna be a pirate.mp3

Newman, open the door!! Pleasant surprise.wav

Jerry is hooked up to a Polygraph - Melrose Place.mp3

I made a reservation, do you have my reservation? But the reservation keeps the car here. That's why you have the reservation! ...).mp3

Risk: It's a game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.mp3

Uniforms Yankees shrunk. That's a shame.mp3

The Spit Theory: Allow me to reconstruct this.mp3

The Spit Theory: ...) That is one magic luggie.mp3

You stink. Thanks for the tickets though.mp3

Jerry is stressed, he's become Kramer.mp3

We discover yet another talent. Posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals.mp3

The Deal Theory: this friendship) vs. that sex).wav

Kramer if I killed somebody would you turn me in? ...)
I thought I DID!.mp3


George needs to be observed in Vienna at University level to get better.mp3

Stand up performing): Men want Women!!! These are the best ideas we’ve had so far.wav

Tim Whatley making Jewish jokes. Schtickle of flouride.mp3

What's the worst thing that could happen?.mp3

Seinfeld: "This is going to be a shame."

Cant_get_one.wav
Seinfeld: "Because if I can't get one, you're not getting one!"

Carpel_tunnel.wav
Seinfeld: "Carpel tunnel syndrome."

Seinfeld: "I had a dream last night that a hamburger was eating me."

Seinfeld: "What the hell is e-mail?"

Seinfeld: "I was merely speaking extemporaneously."

Seinfeld: "It's go-time."

Seinfeld: "Welcome back to the show."

Seinfeld: "Oh, that's an old wives' tale."

Seinfeld: "To the Idiot-mobile!"

Seinfeld: "Are you insane?"

Seinfeld: "Well, let's start the insanity."

Seinfeld: "Oh, I gotta get on that Internet. I'm late on everything!"

Seinfeld: "Seems like a long time, doesn't it?"

Seinfeld: "He's a male bimbo... He's a mimbo."

Seinfeld: "Because if I can't get one, you're not getting one!"

Seinfeld: "Carpel tunnel syndrome."

All_right.wav
Jerry Seinfeld: "All right ... All right ... All right!"

jackass.mp3
Jerry: "Oh -- I am such a jackass!"  

jerry_gay.mp3
the one where everyone thinks Jerry is gay) Kramer: You're thin, late thirties, single Jerry: So are you Kramer: Yeah, wel-hubeule
 

jiggy.mp3
(Jerry) I got jiggy with it!
 

hankerin.mp3
Jerry: I don't know about you but I'm getting hankerin for some doublemint gum
 

hellllo.mp3
I had looked for this forever and I finally found it, so now, little man, I give the wav to you. Seinfeld: HELLLO: La la la!
 

honk_horns.mp3
Jerry from stand up) That's why I think men get frustrated when we women reading articles like 'Where to meet men'. We're here, we're are everywhere! We're honking our horns to serve you better.
 

Jerry Seinfeld: "All right ... All right ... All right!"

howdy_doody.mp3
Jerry: It's howdy doody time

ga-ga.mp3
(Jerry) For once I'd like to be ga-ga

folgers.mp3
(Jerry) Would you like cup tea? Man) Got any coffee? (Jerry) Coffee? Man) Yeah, coffee. (Jerry) No, I don't drink coffee. Man) You don't drink coffee, how about instant coffee? (Jerry) No, I dont have-- Man) You don't have any instant coffee? (Jerry) Well I don't normally-- Man) Who doesn't have instant coffee? (Jerry) I don't Man) You buy jar Folgers crystals, you put it cupboard, you forget about it later when you need it, it's there, it lasts forever.

Seinfeld: "I can't believe I'm losing Pam!"

 

Cosmo Kramer

crazy.mp3
Kramer: "You're crazy!"

assman.mp3
Kramer: "I'm Cosmo Kramer -- the Assman!"

braincel.mp3
Kramer: "It was destroying my braincells!"

board_neutral.mp3
(Kramer) We have to put board neutral place where no one will tamper with it. (Jerry) So that's here? (Kramer) Yes, yes, you're like Switzerland (Jerry) I don't wanna be Switzerland!

Kramer: "Oh, c'mon, man. Help a brother out."

Kramer: "Cuz I'm like ice, buddy. When I don't like you, you got problems."

Kramer: "You can't keep this up! Don't you know what's gonna happen??"

Kramer: "Giddy-up."

Kramer: "You mean circumcision... I would advise against that."


Kramer: "I'm dangerous, Jerry. I'm very, very dangerous!"

Cant_keep.wav
Kramer: "You can't keep this up! Don't you know what's gonna happen??"

Kramer: "You're crazy!"


Kramer: "Yoyo Ma."

Kramer: "So, you're all in here together!... Well, how convenient!... I hope you're all very proud of yourselves!"

Got room in the car for the pig man, 2 seater.mp3

I am Cosmo Kramer, The Assman.mp3


Erica, the phone sex woman; blew your mind.mp3


Kramer fighting and driving with a mugger in a Bus.mp3

Fighting over Bra-less woman and O'Henry candybar.mp3


Kramer trying to crack George's ATM code.mp3

The colliding world theory.mp3

The Contest - Count me in on this.mp3


Kramer breaking up with his girlfriend, contribution.wav


I am Cosmo, Jerry. I am Cosmo Kramer!.wav


I'll see ya later buddy.wav


I'm dangerous Jerry, I'm very very dangerous!.wav


Jerry is a rabid anti-dentite!! They do have their own schools!!.mp3


So what's up, Diggity Dog?.wav


The Dominicans will come after El Presidente.mp3


When they pull that needle out, I let the expletives fly.wav


Kramer knows all about fake breasts.mp3


The supermarket doesn't have decent piece of fruit.mp3


Giddy up.mp3


Ooh, GOD help us!!.wav


Kramer wants to play golf between the dunes.mp3

Hand model: Kramer discusses George's hands.mp3

Who wants to have some fun ...)?!.mp3


These were real hooters.mp3


Jerry and Elaine are in love with each other.mp3


The Little Jerry rooster) is doing more with Jerry's name, than Jerry ever will.mp3


Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint, delicious.mp3

The Chicken Roaster: Kramer in bed eating chicken when the Lights go out. Kenny?!.mp3


The Chicken Roaster: Kramer at his window with a sign saying "come back Kenny".mp3


The Chicken Roaster: Kramer begging Jerry to leave the roasters alone. Big Problem.mp3


I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!wav


Oohh-yesss.wav

You gotta listen to the little man.mp3

Kramer explaines the whole concept of Marriage to Jerry!!!.mp3


The Merv Griffin show: Scandals & Animals!.mp3


Kramer punched Mickey Mantle, hit me.mp3


Jerry wants the telephone number of Isabel. Look in the mirror.mp3


Kramer threw a banana peel to a monkey.mp3


Kramer has to apologises for hitting the monkey.mp3


Kramer's mother has got to help George. Matron.wav


There is a naked woman across the street.wav


Oohh-yeaaahhh!!!.wav


The anguished "oink" of Pig-man cries out 4 help.mp3

I'm out there Jerry, and I'm lllovin' every minute of it!!!.mp3


I just saw a pig man! A pig man!.wav

When I don't like you, you've got problems.wav


Multiply the recipe, Kramer gets confused.mp3

Kramer advertises Hennigans scotch).mp3


It stinks, can you smell that? You stink!.mp3


George needs a surgery. "My name is Bob"!.mp3


The hot tub is like Sweden, Sweeeeden.mp3

Jerry is Switzerland.mp3


Ja ja ja, just tell it.wav


A bra is for ladies. Meet, the bro.mp3


You're thin, late 30s, single. So are you!.wav


All the big companies write off everything.mp3

Yaaaoouuwww!!!.wav


mugger.mp3
Kramer: Then mugger, he comes to he start choking me, so I'm fighting him off with one hand I kept drivin bus with other, then I managed to open up door I kicked him out door you know with foot you know at next stop Jerry: You kept making all stops? Kramer: Well, people kept ringin bell!

Kramer: "Will you stop it, man? You're freakin' me out!"

am_i_sane.mp3
Kramer: Am I? am I so sane that you just blew your mind?

kramer_yes.mp3
Kramer: ooohhhh, yessss.
 

krmrspaz.mp3
Kramer: "C'mon Jerry -- I'm beggin' ya ..."

 

kyes.mp3
Kramer - OOOH Yes
 

lap_around.mp3
(Kramer) Come on, one lap around (Elaine) No! (Kramer) It'll be funky adventure (Elaine) Kramer, forget it
 

flavor_country.mp3
(Kramer) Welcome to flavor country

gdmorng.mp3
Kramer: "Good morning!"

drugged_her.mp3
(Kramer) Are you saying that you drugged woman so you could take advantage of her toys?
 

elaine_adult.mp3
Kramer with video camera): Now we're talking with Elaine Benes, adult film star, set her new picture, Elaine Does Upper West Side
 

fill_freezer.mp3
(Kramer) Now if you'll excuse me I have to go fill freezer with own blood

Michael Richards as Kramer: "Oh, yeah!!"

Kramer: "I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm lovin' every minute of it!"

Kramer: "Ahhhh... the mother lode."

Kramer: "There's a naked woman across the street."

Kramer: "It's payback time!"

Kramer: "Hey, I just saw a pig-man ... a pig-man!"

Kramer: "Jerry, I'm tellin' ya I have this power... and I have no control over it."

Kramer: "These pretzels are makin' me thirsty."

Kramer: "Oh, I talk the talk and I walk the walk, baby.

"Kramer: "I think I picked up on a vibe."

Kramer: "Look at you... Why don't you do something with your life??... Sit around here all day. You contribute nothing to society!"

Kramer: "All this time I'm trying not to be me. I'm afraid to face who I was. But I'm Cosmo, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, and that's who I'm going to be. From now on, I'm Cosmo!"

 

--- ---

 

No soup

Larry Thomas as the Soup Nazi: "No soup for you!"

Not men

Jerry Seinfeld: "What are we doing? ... What in God's name are we doing?"

Jason Alexander as George: "What."

Seinfeld: "What kind of lives are these? We're like children. We're not men."

Alexander: "No, we're not. We're not men."

Seinfeld: "We're pathetic, ya know that?"

Alexander: "Yeah, like I don't know that I'm pathetic."

Out of your mind

Jerry Stiller: "What are you -- out of your mind??"

Estelle Harris: "Why can't you do anything like a normal person??"

Oy vey

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Oy vey."

Pam 2

Seinfeld: "So, what's on your mind?"

Kramer: "It's Pam."

Seinfeld: "Pam? What about Pam?"

Richards: "I love her, Jerry!"

Pam 4

Sfx: Buzzer.

Seinfeld: "Yeah?"

Pam on intercom): "It's Pam."

Seinfeld: "C'mon up."

People

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine: "I will never understand people."

Seinfeld: "They're the worst."

Percentage

Seinfeld: "Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good-looking?"

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Twenty-five percent?"

Seinfeld: "Twenty-five percent?"

Louis-Dreyfus: "Um-hmm."

Seinfeld: "No way! It's like four-to-six percent. It's a 20-to-1 shot."

Louis-Dreyfus: "You're way off."

Seinfeld: "Way off?"

Louis-Dreyfus: "Yeah."

Seinfeld: "Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's a leper colony down there."

Louis-Dreyfus: "So, basically, what you're saying is 95 percent of the population is un-date-able?"

Seinfeld: "Un-date-able!"

Louis-Dreyfus: "Then how are all these people getting together?"

Seinfeld: "Alcohol."

Piece o' me

Jerry Stiller as Frank Costanza: "You want a piece o' me??"

Postal

Wayne Knight: "I'm a United States postal worker."

George Costanza: "Aren't those the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?"

Knight: "Sometimes."

Seinfeld: "Why is that?"

Knight: "Because the mail never stops. Every day it piles up more and more and more, and you've gotta get it out, but the more you get it out, the more it keeps coming in! And then the bar code reader breaks, and it's Publisher's Clearinghouse day!"

Seinfeld: "All right, all right!"

Real

Teri Hatcher: "And, by the way... they're real, and they're spectacular."

Save friendship

Seinfeld: "Are you serious?"

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Look, Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship."

Seinfeld

The funky bass riff we hear at the commercial break during Seinfeld.

Serenity now

Jerry Stiller: "Serenity now!"

Shmoopy

Sheila: "Hi, Shmoopy."

Jerry: "Hi, Shmoopy!"

Sheila: "No, you're Shmoopy!"

Jerry: "You're Shmoopy!"

Shmoopy2

Sheila: "Bye, Shmoopy."

Jerry: "Bye, Shmoopy."

Talkers

Seinfeld: "She's one of these low-talkers."

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Ya know, because he's a high-talker."

Seinfeld: "Bit of a close-talker."

TCB

Seinfeld: "So, uh, what do you do down there all day?"

Kramer: "TCB... takin' care o' business."

Under control

Estelle Harris: "You don't know what you're saying. You're under their control!"

Wasting time

Larry Thomas as the Soup Nazi: "You think you can get soup? Please, you're wasting everyone's time."

Write-off

Kramer: "It's a write-off for them."

Seinfeld: "How is it a write-off?"

Richards: "They just write it off."

Seinfeld: "Write it off what?"

Richards: "Jerry, all these big companies -- they write-off everything."

Seinfeld: "You don't even know what a write-off is."

Richards: "Do you?"

Seinfeld: "No, I don't."

Richards: "But they do, and they're the ones writing it off."

cat_fight.mp3
(Mr Petermen) I am smack dab in the middle of a good old fashioned cat fight. (Elaine) Mr Petermen this is not a cat fight. Mr Petermen) Woof! (Elaine) Do you mean "reer?" Mr Petermen) Yessss that's the one!
 

Finished

Jerry Seinfeld as Jerry Seinfeld: "Are we finished?"

Michael Richards as Kramer: "Done."

Fungus

Seinfeld: "Fungicide... I mean what could she have?"

Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine: "I don't know."

Kramer: "Fungus."

Seinfeld: "Exactly."

Good stuff

Wayne Knight as Newman: "That's good stuff."

Hello 3

Jason Alexander as George: "Hello!"

Seinfeld: "Hello!"

Into it not

George Costanza: "Did you ask her?"

Seinfeld: "I tried putting her hand there, but she just pulls it away immediately. She's not into it."

Jambalaya

Wayne Knight: "One large jambalaya, please."

Jambalaya2

Wayne Knight: "Jambalaya!"

Kervorka

Kramer: "I have this... power."

Latvian Orthodox priest: "Yes... Kervorka."

Richards: "Kervorka?"

Priest: "It is a Latvian word. It means 'the lure of the animal.' Women are drawn to you. She would give anything to be possessed by you."

Kervorka 3

Seinfeld: "The Kervorka? What is that?"

Kramer: "The lure of the animal."

Kind of person

George Costanza: "What kind of a person are you?"

Seinfeld: "I think I'm pretty much like you... only successful."

Lie

George Costanza: "Jerry, just remember... It's not a lie if you believe it."

Like him

Jodi: "I really don't like him."

Seinfeld: "Yeah, me either."

Like me

George Costanza: "So, she doesn't like me."

Seinfeld: "No."

Alexander: "She said that?"

Seinfeld: "Yes."

Alexander: "She told you she doesn't like me?"

Seinfeld: "Yes."

Alexander: "What were her exact words?"

Seinfeld: <interrupting> " 'I don't like him.' "

Like you

Karen: "Well, what difference does it make? Who cares if she doesn't like you? Does everybody in the world have to like you?"

George Costanza: "Yes! Yes! Everybody has to like me! I must be liked!"

Karen: "Well, now I hate you!"

Little man

Kramer: "Now, what does the little man inside you say?... See, you gotta listen to the little man."

George Costanza: "My little man doesn't know."

Richards: "The little man knows all!"

Alexander: "My little man's an idiot!"

Love

Wayne Knight: "Love is a spice with many tastes... a dizzying array of textures... and moments."

Love forbidden

Wayne Knight: "Ah, yes... forbidden love."

Make-up

Seinfeld: "Ya didn't have make-up sex? How could you not have make-up sex?... That's the best feature of the heavy relationship."

George Costanza: "Heh! I missed out on the make-up sex!"

Marriage

Kramer: "I mean, what are you thinking about, Jerry? Marriage? Family?"

Seinfeld: "Well ..."

Richards: "They're prisons! Man-made prisons! You're doin' time! You get up in the morning -- she's there. You go to sleep at night -- she's there. It's like you gotta ask permission to, to use the bathroom... Is it all right if I use the bathroom now?"

Seinfeld: "Really?"

Richards: "Yeah, and you can forget about watching TV while you're eating... because it's dinner time. Ya know what ya do at dinner?"

Seinfeld: "What."

Richards: "You talk about your day... How was your day today? Did you have a good day today or a bad day today? Well, what kind of day was it? Well, I don't know. How 'bout you? How was your day?"

Seinfeld: "I'm glad we had this talk."

Richards: "Oh, you have no idea!"

Master of domain

Kramer: "So, you're still master of your domain."

Seinfeld: "Yes. Yes, I am."

Master of domain 2

Seinfeld: "The question is... are you still master of your domain?"

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "I'm queen of the castle."

Nazi

George Costanza: "Did you see the way she was looking at me?"

Seinfeld: "She's a Nazi, George, a Nazi!"

Alexander: "I know, I know."

Newman 1

Wayne Knight: "Hello, Jerry."

Seinfeld: "Hello, Newman."

Newman 2

Seinfeld: "Hello, Newman."

Wayne Knight: "Hello, Jerry."

Newman 4

Fade-in theme music.

Sfx: Door knock.

Seinfeld: "Newman! Open the door, Newman, I know you're in there!"

Wayne Knight: "Hello, Jerry. What a pleasant surprise."

Seinfeld: "There's nothing pleasant about it. Now let's just cut the crap!"

Newman 5

Wayne Knight: "Hello, Jerry."

Seinfeld: "Hello, Newman."

 

Arrested.wav
Michael Richards as Kramer: "Jerry, George got arrested."
Seinfeld: "What?"
Richards: "Yeah, he went down at the Beakman. He tried to lam, but they cheesed him."
Seinfeld: "Oh, now I see."

Assman.wav
Jerry Seinfeld: "Assman?"
Michael Richards as Kramer: "Yeah, Assman, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!"

Bad_boy.wav
George Costanza: "I'm the bad boy... I've never been the bad boy."
Seinfeld: "You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend..."
Alexander: "Yes... yes, yes."
Seinfeld: "The bad fiance, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk..."
Alexander: "Okay, the point is made."
Seinfeld: "The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen... the bad tipper!"

Big_move.wav
George Costanza: "I might... tell her that I love her."
Seinfeld: "Well... that's a big move, Georgie-boy. Are you confident in the 'I love you' return?"
Alexander: "Fifty-fifty."
Seinfeld: "Cuz if you don't get that return... that's a pretty big matzo ball hanging out there."

Brute.wav
Art collector, commenting on The Kramer: "He is a loathsome, offensive brute... yet I can't look away."

Cat_fight.wav
John O'Hurley as Peterman: "I am smack dab in the middle of a good old-fashioned cat fight!"

Chilies_candy.wav
Phil Morris as Kramer's lawyer, Jackie Chiles: "Like takin' candy from a baby."

Chilies_deplorable.wav
Phil Morris: "That's deplorable, unfathomable, improbable."

Chilies_disgusting.wav
Phil Morris: "Sallow, unattractive, disgusting."

Chilies_oh_henry.wav
Phil Morris: "Oh Henry... That's one of our top-selling candy bars... It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat... It's delicious, scrumptious, outstanding!"

Chilies_outrageous.wav
Phil Morris: "It's an infringement on your constitutional rights... It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous!"

arbys.mp3
Puddy - Feels like an Arby's night
 

banana.mp3
Jerry: Kramer you threw a banana peel at a monkey?!? Kramer: Well he started it!
 

beef-o-reeno.mp3
Kramer's beef-o-reeno song to the horse: "I'm so keeno on beef-o-reeno! what a delicious cuisine-o! I'ts for king and queeno!..."
 

black_white.mp3
(Jerry) See key to eating black white cookie, Elaine, is you wanna get some black some white each bite, nothing mixes better than vanilla chocolate. yet still racial harmony illudes us, if people would only look to cookie, all our problems would be solved (Elaine) Wow, your veiw race relations are just fascinating. You really should do peice for Times. (Jerry) Hmm, look to cookie Elaine, look to cookie.
 

Arrested

Michael Richards as Kramer: "Jerry, George got arrested."

Seinfeld: "What?"

Richards: "Yeah, he went down at the Beakman. He tried to lam, but they cheesed him."

Seinfeld: "Oh, now I see."

Assman

Jerry Seinfeld: "Assman?"

Michael Richards as Kramer: "Yeah, Assman, Jerry. I'm Cosmo Kramer, the Assman!"

Back in business

George Costanza: "I'm back in business, baby!"

Bad boy

George Costanza: "I'm the bad boy... I've never been the bad boy."

Seinfeld: "You've been the bad employee, the bad son, the bad friend..."

Alexander: "Yes... yes, yes."

Seinfeld: "The bad fiancé, the bad dinner guest, the bad credit risk..."

Alexander: "Okay, the point is made."

Seinfeld: "The bad date, the bad sport, the bad citizen... the bad tipper!"

Big move

George Costanza: "I might... tell her that I love her."

Seinfeld: "Well... that's a big move, Georgie-boy. Are you confident in the 'I love you' return?"

Alexander: "Fifty-fifty."

Seinfeld: "Cuz if you don't get that return... that's a pretty big matzo ball hanging out there."

Break-up

George Costanza: "Do I have to break-up with her in person? Can't I do it over the phone? I have no stomach for these things."

Seinfeld: "You should just do it like a Band-Aid. One motion -- right off!"

Brute

Art collector, commenting on The Kramer: "He is a loathsome, offensive brute... yet I can't look away."

Cat fight

John O'Hurley as Peterman: "I am smack dab in the middle of a good old-fashioned cat fight!"

Chiles candy

Phil Morris as Kramer's lawyer, Jackie Chiles: "Like takin' candy from a baby."

Chiles deplorable

Phil Morris: "That's deplorable, unfathomable, improbable."

Chiles disgusting

Phil Morris: "Sallow, unattractive, disgusting."

Chiles oh henry

Phil Morris: "Oh Henry... That's one of our top-selling candy bars... It's got chocolate, peanuts, nougat... It's delicious, scrumptious, outstanding!"

Chiles outrageous 1

Phil Morris: "It's an infringement on your constitutional rights... It's outrageous, egregious, preposterous!"

Chiles outrageous 3

Phil Morris: "It's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous."

Chiles outrageous trial

Phil Morris: "This trial is outrageous!"

Chiles real

Phil Morris: "Oh, and by the way... They're real, and they're spectacular."

Chiles shocked

Phil Morris: "I am shocked and chagrined... Mortified and stupefied!"

Control the mail

Wayne Knight as Newman: "All right ... all right. All right, you go ahead. You go ahead! You keep it secret! But you remember this: When you control the mail, you control... information."

Curt

Wayne Knight: "If I'm curt, then I apologize."

Del Boca Vista

Several out-takes of Jerry Stiller as Frank Costanza trying to say "Del Boca Vista."

Denial

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Mr. Peterman, I don't know what's going on here. I am not addicted to anything."

John O'Hurley as Peterman: "Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price... your soul."

Dingo

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Maybe the dingo ate your baby."

Woman: "What?"

Louis-Dreyfus: "The dingo ate your baby."

Doctor

Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Do you think I should call him and apologize?"

Seinfeld: "Yes. He's a doctor."

Double-dip

Guy: "What are you doing?"

George Costanza: "What?"

Guy: "Did... did you just double-dip that chip?"

Alexander: "Excuse me?"

Guy: "You double-dipped the chip!"

Alexander: "Double-dipped? What are you talking about?"

Guy: "You dipped the chip... you took a bite... and you dipped again."

Alexander: "So?"

Guy: "That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip!"

Eeehhh!

Barney Martin as Morty Seinfeld: "Eeehhh!"

Sandy Baron as Jack Klompus: "Eeehhh!"

Excellent

Wayne Knight as Newman: "Excellent."

salsa.mp3
(Jerry) What do you need salsa for? (George) Salsa is now number one condiment America (Jerry) You know why? Because people like to say 'salsa'

moops.mp3
Moops!

me>

nazi_think_get.mp3
(Soup Nazi) You think you can get soup? Please! You're wasting everyone's time.
 

insurance.mp3
Lady: would you like insurance? Jerry: Yeah, you better give me insurance because I am gonna beat hell out this thing
 

into_it.mp3
(George) So what happened? (Jerry) She's into it. ((George) Into what? (Jerry) The menage, and not only that she just called me she told me she spoke with the roomate and the roomate's into the menage too. (George) That's unbelievable! (Jerry) Oh it's a scene man.
 

hurt_you.mp3
Theives talking to (Kramer) Hey do you wanna get hurt? Because if you wanna get hurt I could hurt you.
 

george_dead.mp3
(on Jerry's answering machine) Jerry, it's Frank Costanza! Mr. Steinburner's here, George is dead! Call me back!
 

end_theme.mp3
Seinfeld ending theme
 

final_clip.mp3
Clip from final episode everyone complaining about people they've dated
 

final_clip2.mp3
From final episode, gang's numerous sounds noises
 



Seinfeld Audio

Elaine Benes pics