Old School Quote - Old School Audio Clips - Old School WAVs - Old School Sound Bites
Frank: "Hey, what do you guys like better: nurse or cheer leader? Oh, hi Nicole."
Nicole: "Hi Frank. That's a nice doll you have there."
Frank: "Yeah, thanks, she's ok."
Mitch Martin (Luke Wilson): "I'm sorry, your seatbelt seams to be broken. What do you recommend I Do?"
Taxi Driver (Stuart Cornfeld): "I recommend you stop being such a faggot! You're in the back seat!"
Gang Bang Guy (Todd Phillips): "I'm here for the gang bang."
Frank Ricard: Well uh, I guess uh, deep down I'm feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly you get married and you supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't, I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday for example. We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh, I happened to look over at a certain point during the meal and see a waitress taking an order, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh. Odds are they were probably basic white cotton underpants, but I started thinking, maybe they're silk panties. Maybe it's a thong, maybe it's uh, maybe it's something cool I don't even know about ya know? And uh, I started feeling... what?
"...I think the entire town knows that you had an awesome time"
"...I'm just proving a point; you don't have to celebrate it, Frank"
"As stupid as they appear, they're actually very good at paperwork..."
"...You think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hang out with nineteen year old girls all day?..."
"...It's more, kind of, like a social club..."
"...A young woman with a lot to lose"
"...Are you bribing me?"
"...Timing was never your thing"
"In this corner, weighing in at 110 pounds and pushing eighty-nine years of age..."
Frank forgot his own birthday?
"I've been keeping busy..."
Mark, the current boyfriend of Nicole, Mitch's high school crush, makes up a scary story about Mitch (which is really about Mark)
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell (Vince Vaughn): We are gonna get so much ass here it's gonna be sick. I'm talkin' like crazy, like boy band ass.
Frank Ricard (Will Ferrell): I had an awesome time!
Spanish (Rick Gonzalez): Hey come hit this right here, you need to hit this.
Frank Ricard: No, I appreciate it, but I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides I got a big day tomorrow, you guys have a great time.
Spanish: A big day? Doin what?
Frank Ricard: Well, um, actually pretty nice little Saturday. We're uh, gonna go to Home Depot, yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond I don't know. I don't know if we'll have enough time. (pause) OK, you know what? You know what? Gimme that thing! I'll do one, do one.
Spanish: He gonna do one, he gonna do one!
Marissa Jones (Perrey Reeves): Listen, I'm sorry I didn't call you on your birthday.
Frank Ricard: My birthday? Whadda ya mean?
Marissa Jones: Yeah last Thursday? Oh. You forgot your birthday didn't you Frank?
Frank Ricard: Dangit. I'm such an idiot.
Frank Ricard: And Blue.
Joseph 'Blue' Palasky (Patrick Cranshaw): Yes sir.
Frank Ricard: Do you trust that I do not wanna to see you die here tonight?
Blue: Sir yes sir.
Frank Ricard: Blue, you're my boy!
Blue: Thank you sir.
"...Another pledge of yours scored a zero in every category..."
"...I'd probably be dead, face down, in a drained pool somewhere"
"...Yes, I am back. Woo, you know it!"
Frank Ricard: Hey, hey ladies! Hey.
Lara Campbell (Leah Remini): Hey Frank, looks like its a little cold out there huh?
Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together, to join Franklin and Marissa.
Beanie: Don't do it! [coughing]
Beanie: I don't know why ya gotta do it in front of the kid; with the F-in'. All you gotta do is say earmuffs to him. Earmuffs. Then you can say f**k, sh*t, bitch, whatever you want.
Frank Ricard: Cock, balls.
Beanie: OK, I'm just proving a point, you don't have to celebrate it Frank.
Marissa Jones: Just as long as you promise to take it easy you know?
Frank Ricard: Whadda ya mean?
Marissa Jones: You know exactly what I mean. You've come a long way since Frank the Tank and we don't want him coming back now do we?
Frank Ricard: Honey, Frank the Tank is not coming back. OK? That part of me is over, water under the bridge. I promise.
"...Of course I know how bribes work..."
"...We've got to just keep our composure"
Marissa Jones: Frank?!
Frank Ricard: Hey honey! Hey!
Marissa Jones: What the hell are you doing?
Frank Ricard: We're streaking. We're going up through the quad to the gymnasium.
Marissa Jones: Who's streaking?
Frank Ricard: There's, there's more coming.
Marissa Jones: Frank, get in the car.
Frank Ricard: Everybody's doing it.
Marissa Jones: Now!
Frank Ricard: OK.
Frank Ricard: Fill it up again! It's so good! Once it hits your lips it's so good!
Frank Ricard: Dear Mitch, if you're holding this letter, you already know. The house has been boarded up; the windows, the doors, everything. We're at the Comfort Inn room 112. I love you, Frank.
Mitch Martin (Luke Wilson): Jackass.
"...Personal stuff, like you running through the neighborhood drunk and naked?..."
"...We will give nothing back to the academic community as well as provide no public service of any kind..."
Frank Ricard: Honey you think KFC's still open?
Archer's Wife: What's going on?!
Frank Ricard: You tell anyone about this I'll f**king kill you... I'm kidding, I'm kidding! We'll have him back by tonight.
Bryan Callen: Love. It's a mother f**ker huh?
Frank Ricard: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to tonight's main event!
Frank Ricard: I guess what I'm trying to say is that now that I'm married, I'm definitely feeling a little freaked out about the fact that I'm gonna have sex with one person [pause, motions towards wife] for the rest of my life!
Frank Ricard: [leaving voicemail message] Hey Marissa, it's me, uh, listen uh, probably gonna be in the neighborhood a little bit later. Uh, didn't know if you wanted to get together for maybe a frozen yogurt sometime, or maybe even a whole meal of food if that'd be agreeable. Stupid.
Beanie: You know, the thing that's frustrating is that I don't think you appreciate everything that I've done for you here. I mean, hello?
Mitch Martin: For me?
Beanie: Yeah for you. What, do you think I like avoiding my wife and kids to hang out with nineteen year old girls all day?
Mitch Martin: Yeah I do.
Beanie: Well I don't man.
"I really need to get on this flight..."
Beanie: Each and every one of you has been hand picked to represent our inagural pledge class. And over the next 21 days you're all going to experience intense mental and physical strain.
Frank Ricard: Dahhhhhh!
Beanie: Frank, pace yourself.
Frank Ricard: Copy that. Just got a little over excited. Sorry.
"...You're like an injured young fawn who's been nursed back to health"
"...Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?..."
Frank Ricard: Hey. Blue, you sure you're OK with this?
Blue: Just ring the f**king bell you pansy.
"...My wife, my job, my kids - every day is exactly the same..."
Frank Ricard: Happy Tuesday to you out there, Frank the Tank here at Harrison Cougar radio, 88.6. Wanna give a shout out to the Godfather. If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be here today Mitch. I'd probably be dead. Face down in a drained pool somewhere.
Frank Ricard: We're going streaking! Sorry, sorry, we're goin' streaking through the quad and then to the gymnasium. Come on everybody! Come on! Snoop! Snoop-a-loop! Snoop...uh, no, it's cool! It's cool! I'm cool, bring your green hat. Let's go! Come on everybody we're goin!
Heidi (Juliette Lewis): Well you know I'm having this get together at my place tomorrow night, just like a few internet friends. You should swing by.
Frank Ricard: Really?
Juliette Lewis: Totally.
Frank Ricard: OK.
Juliette Lewis: All right?
Frank Ricard: Sounds awesome.
Juliette Lewis: All right I'll see you tomorrow night.
Frank Ricard: Awesome. Yes! [punches cereal boxes] I am back! Whew! You know it! [kicks the crap out of some lady's shopping cart]
"...Do you want me to be honest, or do you want me to tell you that this is the first time?"
"...I thought you were just talking dirty. Well, I was, but I was being serious"
Frank (Will Ferrell): "This is the best thing that's ever happened to me."
Beanie (Vince Vaughn): "Why don't you give that six months. You donn't think that's gonna change. I got a wife, kids. Do I sound like a happy guy to you Frankie? There's my wife. Now, see that: always smiling, hi honey, judging, watching. Look at the baby, look at the baby!"
Beanie: "Well, alright, let me be the first to say congratulate you then. You get one vagina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frank. Way to work it through."dontdoit.wav
Priest (Chris Hendrie): "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together to join Franklin and Marissa..."
Beanie: "(coughing) Don't do it. My throut's dry, I'm sorry."
Mitch: "Yeah, ah, the last that I'd heard of you had uh maved to... what do you call it?"
Nicole (Ellen Pampeo): "Denver."
Mitch: "Oh, the sunshine state um Denver, gorgeous gorgeous!"
Nicole: "Are you ok?"
Mitch: "No, no I'm not. Or yeah, I'm just uh... I feel a little... I'm bleep ed up!"
"...Your money, it's no good here"
"...Love, it's a messy business, huh"
"...My mom's gonna kill me..."
"...I'd appreciate it if you let me handle my own team and don't get on my back every time I try to do something..."
"College is overrated anyway..."
Mitch frets over how many lives his fraternity has ruined
Mitch: "...glad and...
Excuse me. I'd like to say I'm really glad and proud to be here
tonight. I'm glad to see that Frank's dad made it out, that's awesome, I
haven't seen him in like eight years. That's great, congratulations!"
Frank: "I love yau dad!"
Mitch: "True love is hard to find. Sometimes you think you've found true love' and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego an a couple of new people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a bleep damn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend and it stops..."
Beanie: "It stops right there and it continues right here because what I think my friend Mitch is trying to say is that true love is blind. Let's raise our glasses, whatever we got in front of us. Salut, Health and happiness."
"...I got a wife, kids; do I sound like a happy guy to you, Frankie?..."
"...One woman for the rest of your life, real smart Frank..."
Mitch: "Actually, I gave this to you for your uh wedding."
Frank: "This model?"
Mitch: "Um, no, this exact one."
Frank: "I,m sorry, I'm embarrassed. I'm sorry"
Mitch: "It's ok, I hope you like it."
Frank: "Oh, I love it! Thank you."
Marissa: "Wow, that's really loud."
Frank: "Yeah, thanks, I took the restrictor plate off. ...give the red dragon a little more juice. But uh, let's keep that on the downlow! It's not exactly street legal."
Spanish (Rick Gonzalez): "Come hit this right here! You need to hit this!"
Frank: "No, I appreciate it, but I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow, but but you guys have a great time."
Spanish: "Big day, doing what?"
Frank: "Well, um, actually a pretty nice little saturday, we're um, we're gonna go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed Bath And Beyond, I don't know. I Don't know if we'll have enough time."
Frank: "Ok, you know what, you know what, gimmie that thing. I'll do one, I'll do one!"
Spanish: "He's gonna do one."
Frank: "I'll do one."
Spanish: "Now' that's a talented man right there. That's what I'm talking about!"
Frank: "Fill it up again!"
Frank: "It's so good! Once it hit's your lips, It's so good!"
Frank: "Once it hit's your lips, it's so good!"streaking.wav
Frank: "We're going streaking!"greenhat.wav
Frank: "Sorry, we're goin'... We're Going streaking up through the quad and into the gymnasium! Come on everybody, come on! Snoop, Snoop-a-loop! No, it's cool, it's cool, I'm cool. Bring... Bring your green hat. Let's go, come on everybody we're goin'."comeon.wav
Frank: "Whooooo! Come on, we're streaking! Come on... Come on everybody, we're runnin'... Come on! Whooooo! Whooooooo! We're streaking! We're Streaking! Whooooo! Whooooo! Come on!"frank.wav
Frank: "Hey honey hey."
Marissa: "What the hell are you doing?"
Frank: "We're streaking. We're going up through the quad to the gymnasium."
Marissa: "Who's streaking?"
Frank: "There's... There's more coming."
Marissa: "Frank, get in the car."
Frank: "Everybody's doing it."
"...I wasn't looking for a girl like that..."
"I got a big day tomorrow... We're gonna go to Home Depot..."
Frank's wife catches him streaking
Dean Gordon Prichard (Jeremy Piven): "Hello."
Mitch: "Yeah, come on in, jesus."
Therapist (Greg Alan Williams): "Frank,
this is a safe place. A place where we can feel free sharing our
feelings. Think of my office as a nest in a tree of trust and
understanding. We can say anything here."
Marissa: "It's okay, honey. That's why we came."
Frank: "Well, uh, I guess I... Deep down I'm feeling a little confused. I mean, suddenly you get married and you're supposed to be this entirely different guy. I don't... I don't feel different. I mean, take yesterday, for example. We were... We were out at the Olive Garden for dinner, which was lovely. And uh... I happened to look over during a certain part of the meal and see a waitress taking an order. And uh, and I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be. Her panties. Uh, odds are they're probably basic white, cotton underpants. But I started thinking 'Well, maybe they're s... maybe they're silk panties. Maybe, maybe, maybe it's a thong. Maybe it's uh something really cool that I don't know about.' You know? And I... I started feeling... What? What, I thought we were in the trust tree, in the nest. Are we not?"
Therapist: "We are. It's okay."
Therapist: "It's okay. Please continue."
Frank: "I don't know where I was going with that. I guess what I'm trying to say is that now that I'm married, I'm deffinitely feeling a little freaked out about the fact that I'm gonna have sex with only one person (He tilts his head at his wife) for the rest of my life."
Beanie: "I... Idon't know
why you gotta do it in front of the kid, with the "F"in'. All you gotta
do is say earmuffs to him. Earmuffs, and you can say bleep
bitch whatever you want."
Frank: "Cock! Balls!"
Beanie: "Ok, I'm just proving a point. You don't have to celebrate it Frank."
Archer's Wife (Rachel Winfree): "What's going on?"
Frank: "If you tell anyone about this, I'll bleep ing kill you!"
Archer's Wife: "Oooh!"
Frank: "I'm kidding, I'm kidding, we'll have him back by tonight. Ok sweatie."
"Can I ask you a question? Absolutely not..."
"I found myself wondering what color her underpants might be..."
"...I'm gonna have sex with only one person for the rest of my life"
"...To think, that in just seven months, you're going to be graduating from high school..."
Frank: "Blue, You're my boy!"
Blue (Patrick Cranshaw): "Thank you sir."
"...He's the very successful, very disease free gentleman standing by the mini-bar"
Frank: "Wait... Wait, pull what out?"
Animal Caretaker (Sean William Scott): "The dart man, you got a bleep in' dart in your neck."
Frank: "You're cra... You're crazy man. You're Crazy. I like you but, you're Crazy."
Frank: "Blue, you sure you're ok with this?"
Blue: "Just ring the bleep in' bell you pansy."
Nicole: "I heard, one of you're pledges died. Is that true?"
Mitch: "Well, yes, but he was really old, and I feel pretty confident that, when we get the autopsy back, it'll show that it was probably of natural causes."
Waiter (Bryan Pallen): "Eh, chicks, don't worry for her uh. Love, its a motherbleep er uh?"
"...The Sunshine State, un, Denver, gorgeous"
"True love is hard to find..."
Spanish: "Well, we're expelled, my life is over, and I'm gonna wind up working at Red Lobster."
Archer (Eddie Pepitone): "You already work in Red Lobster."
Spanish: "Yeah, but it's part time dick!"
Frank: "That's right, we can't have anyone freak out out there ok! We've gotta keep our composure. We've come too far. There's too much to loose. We gotta just keep our composure"freshbeer.wav
Frank: "How about you get me a fresh beer."
Walsh (Matt Walsh): "You serious?"
Frank: "Now! Now! You call me sir you son of a bitch!"
Mitch: "Where, Where is everybody?"
Frank: "Blue's right over there but he's wasted."
Frank: "Ok, ok Mitch, yeah, I can do this. I can do this. This'll be good for me. I appreciate you trusting me. I'll be fine."
Mitch: "Ok good, I'm gonna go upstairs and get dressed."
Mitch: "Meet me up there."
Frank: "I,ll be up there."
Mitch: "Come on."
Frank: "I'm gonna get a cup of coffee and make som waffles, and I'm gonna watch the last two minutes and I'll be up there."
Bernard 'Beanie' Campbell (Vince Vaughn): Alright, let me be the first to say congratulations to ya then. You get one vigina for the rest of your life. Real smart Frankie. Way to work it through.
Priest: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here together to join Franklin and Marissa...
Beanie: [coughing] Don't do it. My throat's dry, I'm sorry.
Frank Ricard (Will Ferrell): I told my wife I wouldn't drink tonight. Besides, I got a big day tomorrow. You guys have a great time.
College Student: A big day? Doing what?
Frank: Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.
"...I still have the Whitesnake jean jacket. I'm still pretty intimated by it"
"...Guys don't tell on other guys; that's something chics do..."