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Wine Puns

Absolutely hillarious Wine one-liners! Large collection of best Wine one-line jokes


I need some wine puns

  • The first thing on my bucket list is to fill the bucket with wine.
  • Someone who really ‘nose’ grapes is a ‘winoceros’.
  • If you can’t be with the one you love, love the wine you’re with
  • If you can’t be with the one you love, love the wine that you’re with!
  • What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  • Nobody has ever come up with a great idea after a second bottle of water.
  • When wine, women and song become too much for you, give up singing.
  • Sometimes we all need a Riesling to be cheerful
  • Learn Wine First Aid! Open the bottle to allow it to breathe
  • You guys really took the route of yeast resistance.
  • What did the grape do when the elephant stepped on it?
  • I can't wait for the day when I can drink wine with my kids instead of because of them.
  • People say that drinking milk makes you stronger. Drink 5 glasses of milk and then try moving a wall. Impossible? Now drink 5 glasses of wine. The wall moves by itself.
  • A sweetheart is a bottle of wine, a wife is a wine bottle.
  • Seven days without wine makes one weak.
  • If you drink, don’t drive
  • Wine is bottled poetry.
  • It's funny how 8 glasses of water a days seems impossible... But 8 glasses of wine can be done in one meal.
  • When you get a hangover from wine it’s called the grape depression
  • Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.
  • Did you know that wine doesn't make you fat? It makes you lean.... Against tables, chairs, floors, walls and ugly people.
  • A bottle of wine begs to be shared; I have never met a miserly wine lover.
  • The past, present and future were in a bar
  • Wine gets better with age. And I get better with wine.
  • I'm a wine enthusiast. The more wine I drink, the more enthusiastic I get.
  • When Whisky met Cognac at the mixer it was clear their relationship was on the rocks
  • A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: “Pint please, and one for the road
  • He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof
  • Drink wine, and you will sleep well. Sleep, and you will not sin. Avoid sin, and you will be saved. Ergo, drink wine and be saved.
  • My friend fell asleep in the bar, so I poured my ale on him to wake him up
  • Wine gives a man nothing… it only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.
  • If you can drink away your hurts, it must have been champagne
  • Wine improves with age
  • Love the wine you're with.
  • I drank so much wine last night that when I walked across the dance floor to get another glass, I won the dance competition.
  • It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There's clearly room for more wine.
  • People call me a wine enthusiast, because the more wine I drink the more enthusiastic I become!
  • Why is Oloroso so perfect? Because it’s completely flor-less
  • Every box of raisins is a tragic tale of grapes that could have been wine.
  • You should lock up your wine in a Cabernet.
  • It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the wine, or any other reason.
  • The vine bears three kinds of grapes: the first of pleasure, the second of intoxication, the third of disgust.
  • What did the grape say when it was crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little wine
  • They’re filming a new Renee Zellweger movie in Cuba
  • I decide which wine to drink on a case by case basis
  • I have joy in my heart and a glass of wine in my hand. Coincidence??
  • I enjoy a glass of wine each night for it's health benefits. The other glasses are for my witty comebacks and my flawless dance moves.
  • At Christmas time, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. Maybe that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
  • Did you hear they’ve translated Harper Lee’s magnum opus into Mexican? It’s called Tequila Mockingbird
  • I've trained my dog to bring me a glass of red wine. It's a Bordeaux collie.
  • The secret of enjoying a good bottle of wine: Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. If it doesn't look like it's breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.
  • When you get a hangover from wine it's called the grape depression.