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Wedding Puns

Absolutely hillarious wedding one-liners! Large collection of best wedding one-line jokes


I need some wedding puns

  • I need to start paying closer attention to stuff. Found out today my wife and I have separate names for the cat.
  • What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Cantelope
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  • Whale-come to Our Wedding 
  • We Hit the Jackpot 
  • For eterni-tea 
  • I Wheelie Love You 
  • When a psychic showed me the girl I'll marry, it was love at second sight
  • I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is... Scaring men is easy.
  • My Heart Soars When I’m With You 
  • You Have a Pizza My Heart 
  • Love Grows 
  • Thanks for Popping By 
  • Hyla Hope Harder - Oklahoma
  • You Set My Heart on Fire 
  • We Make a Great Pear 
  • Rejection is all about who you no.
  • I typed "married" but it was auto-corrected to "martyred". Damn,smartphone has gained intelligence.
  • A bartender's marriage was on the rocks so he took a cheap shot
  • Thanks for Bee-in Here with Us 
  • You’re the Apple of My Eye 
  • Recipe for Love 
  • You’re My Butter Half 
  • I Love You With Every Pizza My Heart 
  • Olive You Very Much 
  • Instead of engaging in my own hobbies, my wife has me constantly helping her in her garden. I guess you could say I am pistil whipped.
  • I’m a Sucker For You 
  • Two cannon balls got married and had BBs
  • My wife tells me I'm a skeptic, but I don't believe a word she says
  • A Fan of Love 
  • Aloe You Very Much 
  • We Mermaid for Each Other 
  • You’re My Cup of Tea 
  • I don't recommend dating bridge builders, they have truss issues.
  • Before I tell my wife something important, I take both her hands in mine. That way she can't hit me with them.
  • Our Love is Immeasurable 
  • Why did the proton blush? It was positively attracted to the electron
  • My girlfriend once gave me a Valentine made of soft leather. What a suede heart
  • I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months- I don't like to interrupt her.
  • I Chews You 
  • All Signs Point to You 
  • You’re tea-riffic! 
  • I’ll Never Lego of You 
  • When a knight was courting his lady, he wore a suit of amour
  • What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.
  • Marriage is mostly misreading facial expressions and asking each other, "You ok?"
  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
  • You Rock My World 
  • My dog swallowed my engagement ring. I ended up with a diamond in the ruff.
  • Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
  • We Just Fit 
  • Lime Yours 
  • Thanks a Ton 
  • You Light Up My Life 
  • Why didn't the man report his stolen credit card? The thief was spending less then his wife.
  • My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
  • On Valentine's Day flower prices rose to the occasion.
  • I’ll Always Stick With You 
  • To many girls think the word 'marriage' has a nice ring to it
  • Tea for Two 
  • The triangle relationship soon became a wreck-tangle
  • To some, marriage is a word. To others, a sentence
  • She was the apple of his eye and he liked to sit down be cider.
  • How do I disable the autocorrect function on my wife?
  • Wild About Each Other 
  • I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace" So I bought her nothing.
  • Spread the Love 
  • My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. We didn't see eye to eye. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side.
  • Have you ever wondered why baseball players get girlfriends? They're great at hitting it off
  • Irish Limbo - Auckland
  • Black widow to mate: I met my last husband on the web
  • Eat, Drink & Be Married 
  • Our Love is So Write 
  • Top 3 situations that require witnesses: 1) Crimes 2) Accidents 3) Marriages Need I say more?
  • I support both of my wives very well. I think that's big o' me.
  • Randy - Defiance, OH
  • Two cannon balls got married this morning. I hear they’re already expecting BBs.
  • Some men view marriage as a matter of wife and debt
  • Engagemints 
  • Pencil Us In 
  • Related: 50 Absolutely PERFECT "I Love You" Quotes That NAIL True Love
  • He often played the violin with his wife, but she never played second fiddle
  • What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck.
  • A Batch Made in Heaven 
  • Goodbye Kisses 
  • Drunk in Love 
  • You’re One in a Melon 
  • When the pharmacist found out her husband was having an affair it was a hard pill to swallow.
  • My son asked me what it's like to be married so I told him to leave me alone and when he did I asked him why he was ignoring me.
  • Love is Brewing 
  • A janitor with a broom in hand swept her off her feet
  • Bet on Love
  • Several guys are sitting around having a drink and one guy says "My wife's an angel" another guy says "Your lucky, mines still alive."
  • Owl Always Love You 
  • Love is Sweet 
  • Every time you talk to your wife, your mind should remember that... 'This conversation will be recorded for Training and Quality purpose'
  • Two nuclear technicians got married. She was radiant and he was glowing
  • I’ll Stop the World and Melt With You 
  • A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
  • Match Made in Heaven 
  • What do you call a melon that's not allowed to get married? Can't elope.
  • Let Sparks Fly 
  • Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.
  • They were a fastidious couple. She was fast, he was tedious
  • It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers
  • My boyfriend and I started to date after he backed his car into mine. We met by accident
  • Mint to Be 
  • Marriage and smoking are similar. You start because you want to and you continue because you have to.
  • You Make My Heart Pop 
  • Too many little digs send a marriage to an early grave
  • Thanks for Coming! You Rock! 
  • Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage
  • They were married by candle-light, but the marriage lasted only a wick
  • Hoppily Ever After 
  • I Love You Deerly 
  • Apply Ever After 
  • Anchored in Love 
  • I Love You a Latte 
  • A girl and her boyfriend went to a party dressed as a barcode. They were an item
  • They argued about their vacation and finally stayed at the last resort.
  • Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
  • The Irish lass was disappointed with the engagement ring from her fiance because it was a sham rock.
  • Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."
  • The Par-fect Couple 
  • Pre-arranged marriages pre-pair people for the future.
  • Our Love is Cosmic 
  • I Choo Choose You 
  • When the TV repairman got married, the reception was excellent
  • Feline the Love 
  • I Cannoli Be Happy When I’m With You 
  • My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!
  • Two fonts, Arial and Calibri, were in the midst of a bad breakup. Calibri said, 'I'm sorry, you're personality is too bold.' Arial responded, 'You're just not my type...'
  • The Write Couple 
  • I’d Be Lost Without You 
  • Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
  • You Make Me Melt 
  • Thanks for Sail’brating With Us 
  • You’re My Jam 
  • Lucky in Love 
  • I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
  • You Complete Me 
  • Snow in Love 
  • The Perfect Match 
  • No Bunny Compares 
  • Falling in Love 
  • Meant to Bee 
  • Tie the Knot 
  • The two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord.
  • Only after getting married you realise that those husband-wife jokes were not just jokes.
  • Childs experience: if a mother is laughing at the fathers jokes, it means they have guests.
  • SGT Snorkel - Iowa
  • An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
  • He popped the question 
  • You’re the Balm 
  • You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!
  • I Love You to Pieces 
  • Our Love is One of a Kind 
  • I Love You Berry Much 
  • A husband who thinks he is as solid as a rock may have a wife who wishes he was a little boulder
  • She didn't marry the gardener. Too rough around the hedges
  • You Are Just My Type 
  • Helicopter rescue pilots have the most successful pick-up lines
  • Donut Ever Let Me Go 
  • Two pianists had a good marriage. They always were in a chord
  • When his wife asked for wooden walls in the basement, they had a panel discussion
  • Love Bugs 
  • Two florists got married. It was an arranged marriage.
  • Outvoted 1-1 by my wife again.
  • My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
  • The Key to Love 
  • My wife sent her photograph to the Lonely Hearts Club. They sent it back saying they weren't that lonely.
  • My ex wrote to me: Can you delete my number? I responded: Who is this?
  • You’re the Light of My Life 
  • Related: The 50 BEST Inspiring Romantic Quotes For Men AND Women
  • Instead of engaging in my own hobbies, my wife has me constantly helping her in her garden. I guess you could say I am pistil whipped
  • A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
  • I’m Smitten With You 
  • The Perfect Blend 
  • I don't think I'll be able to get my Mom what she really wants on Mother's Day – a doctor for a son-in-law.
  • When he proposed to her, she found it very engaging
  • We’re Nuts About Each Other 
  • An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either
  • You Spice Up My Life 
  • Let's talk about rights and lefts. You're right so I left.
  • It is much easier to apologize than to ask permission.
  • I’ll Never Desert You 
  • I’m Bananas About You 
  • I have a high fidelity phone - it can only call my wife's number.
  • I Love You Fore-ever 
  • When he gave his wife a necklace he got a chain reaction.
  • He tried to get her to marry him to no a-veil
  • The Perfect Pear 
  • Whisked Away 
  • S’more Love 
  • My wife tells me I'm a skeptic - but I don't believe a word she says.
  • I Pick You 
  • You’re My Purson 
  • I went to prom with a broken leg. During the slow dances my date could tell that I had a crutch on her
  • My husband is on the roof - only a few inches away from an insurance claim that could completely change my life.
  • I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, she said yes - about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
  • The bride's best friend is so proud, she's practically made of honor
  • Prime-mates 
  • I’m Stuck on You