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Halloween Puns

Absolutely hillarious Halloween one-liners! Large collection of best Halloween one-line jokes


I need some Halloween puns

  • Demons are a ghoul's best friend.
  • What did the mommy ghost say to the baby ghost? Don't spook until you're spoken to.
  • What do you call a witch's garage? A broom closet.
  • How does a ghost say goodbye to a vampire? So long, sucker!
  • What do you call a ghost with a broken leg? A hoblin goblin.
  • Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party? Because everyone was a goblin!
  • What do ghosts serve for dessert? Ice Scream.
  • What's a monster's favorite play? Romeo and Ghoul-iet.
  • Why did the skeleton cross the road? To go to the body shop.
  • How does a witch tell time? She looks at her witch watch.
  • Why don't skeletons like parties? They have no body to dance with.
  • What do you get if you divide a pumpkin's circumference by it's diameter? Pumpkin Pi.
  • Who do vampires buy their cookies from? The Ghoul Scouts
  • What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon? A sour puss.
  • What does a vampire fear the most? Tooth decay.
  • What do you get when you drop a pumpkin? Squash [!].
  • Nothing on Earth so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night.
  • Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do. I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat . . . no thank you."
  • Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day? It's good for the bones.
  • How do monsters know what the future holds for them? They read their horror-scopes.
  • Being in a band you can wear whatever you want--it's like an excuse for Halloween everyday.
  • What do you call a fat Jack-o-lantern? A plumpkin.
  • What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack? Count Duckula.
  • Why doesn't Dracula have any friends? Because he's a pain in the neck.
  • What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball.
  • What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist? He got repossessed.
  • And now for the really zany—but, for the most part, marvelously ingenious!—Halloween riddles, puzzles and puns (oh my!):
  • What's a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
  • What do you give to a pumpkin that's trying to stop smoking? A pumpkin patch.
  • Where do fashionable ghosts shop for sheets? Bootiques.
  • A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
  • What kind of music do mummies listen to? Wrap.
  • What was the witch's favorite subject in school? Spelling.
  • What's a vampire's favorite flavor of ice cream? Vein-illa.
  • What do Italians eat on Halloween? Fettucinni Afraid-o.
  • May your every wish be granted.
  • This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.
  • What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends.
  • Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.
  • What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock? He got ticks.
  • What do baby ghosts wear on Halloween? White Pillowcases.
  • There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin.
  • You can sit on my pumpkin, but you butternut squash it.
  • Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately.
  • What do you call a witch in the desert? A sandwitch.
  • Eat, drink and be scary.
  • What do demons have for breakfast? Devilled eggs.
  • What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets.
  • What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite.
  • Where does Dracula keep his savings? At the blood bank.
  • What's the problem with twin witches? You never know which witch is which.
  • What do you call a haunted chicken? A poultry-geist.
  • What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving.
  • I dressed up as a veterinarian for a Halloween costume party. I had a lab coat. And I got a couple of stuffed animals for patients and put bandages on them.
  • What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime.
  • What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer.
  • What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? Fasten your sheet belts.
  • Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch? At the casketeria.
  • What do you call two spiders who just got married? Newly webbed.
  • Where does Dracula eat his lunch? At the casket-eria.
  • What do you call two spiders that just got married? Newlywebbed.
  • Where do mummies go for a swim? In the Dead Sea.
  • Acting is like a Halloween mask that you put on.
  • What did the mummy say to the detective? Let's wrap this case up.
  • May your left ear wither and fall into your right pocket.
  • When does a skeleton laugh? When something tickles his funny bone.
  • What's the best way to get rid of a demon? Exorcise a lot.
  • Who does Dracula get letters from? His fang club.
  • What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern? A plumpkin.
  • Where did the vampire open his savings account? At a blood bank.
  • What kind of monster can you put in your washing machine? A wash and wear-wolf.
  • Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? Their bats flew away.
  • What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire? A fur coat that fangs around your neck.
  • What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich.
  • What's it like to be kissed by a vampire? It's a pain in the neck.
  • What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.
  • On Halloween, parents send their kids out looking like me.
  • What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? Spare ribs.
  • What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
  • What happened to the guy who didn't pay his exorcist? He got repossessed.
  • What did the skeleton say to the bartender? I'll have two beers and a mop.
  • Who did Frankenstein take to the prom? His ghoul friend.