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Funny Puns for Kids

Browse through team puns to find funny puns and cool puns.


Check out our complete list of funny puns for kids .

Are you looking for the best pun? Find the perfect funny pun for you.

  • What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court.
  • What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
  • What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
  • Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
  • The chicken crossed the playground to get to the other slide.
  • Never give your uncle an anteater.
  • I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next poop could spell disaster.
  • Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.
  • A book just fell on my head. I’ve only got my shelf to blame.
  • I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
  • What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
  • My friend made a joke about a TV controller. It wasn't remotely funny.
  • A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  • What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
  • I asked my mom to make me a pair of pants. She was happy to. Or at least sew it seams.
  • What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
  • Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
  • What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
  • Without geometry, life is pointless.
  • Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
  • What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator!
  • How do you shoot a killer bee? "With a bee bee gun."
  • My leaf blower doesn't work. It sucks.
  • Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed!
  • What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
  • Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
  • What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
  • I asked the lion in my wardrobe what he was doing there, he said it was "Narnia Business".
  • Why are teddy bears never hungry? They are always stuffed.
  • If a dog gave birth to puppies near the road would it be cited for littering?
  • What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court room? Odor in the court!
  • I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.
  • I went to a seafood disco last week....and pulled a mussel.
  • In the winter my dog wears his coat, but in the summer he wears his coat and pants.
  • Why was the student's report card wet? It was below C level!
  • My Granddad got his tongue shot off in the war but he doesn't talk about it.
  • He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.
  • Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.
  • A golf ball is a golf ball no matter how you putt it.
  • The other day a clown held the door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
  • What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
  • I knew a couple who met in a revolving door. I think they're still going round together.
  • A man ended up in hospital today, covered in wood and hay, with a horse inside him. His condition is described as stable.
  • I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.
  • What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
  • My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
  • I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  • A man just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.
  • What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
  • I applied for a job at the local restaurant. I'm still waiting.
  • I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
  • Shout out to everyone wondering what the opposite of "in" is.
  • I just walked past a shop that was giving out dead batteries free of charge.
  • How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.
  • The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself "This changes everything"...
  • I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.
  • Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
  • If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.
  • Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
  • Don't trust people that do acupuncture, they're back stabbers.
  • What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
  • Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
  • What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
  • Those new corduroy pillows are making headlines.
  • What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
  • What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
  • Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
  • You would think that, if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster. I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish.
  • Don't drink with ghosts, they can't handle their boos.
  • What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
  • If a judge loves the sound of his own voice, expect a long sentence.
  • Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts.
  • Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
  • It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
  • Why are playing cards like wolves? They come in packs.
  • The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from far too much pi.
  • Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  • When a clock is hungry, does it go back four seconds?
  • What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
  • A boiled egg every morning is hard to beat.
  • I've been to the dentist many times so I know the drill.
  • What do you get when you pour cement on a burglar? A hardened criminal.
  • I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper's jammin' again...
  • I'm working on a device that will read minds. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
  • Why did the spider go to the computer? To check his web site.
  • What was the reporter doing at the ice cream shop? Getting the scoop!
  • She had a photographic memory but never developed it.
  • Someone ripped some pages out of both ends of my dictionary today. It just goes from bad to worse!
  • What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
  • What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
  • Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
  • The best way to communicate with fish is to drop them a line.
  • Would a cardboard belt be a waist of paper?
  • What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
  • What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
  • Never trust atoms, they make up everything.
  • I was struggling to figure out how lightning works then it struck me.
  • I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.
  • What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
  • How do turtles talk to each other? By using shell phones!
  • My mom just found out that I've replaced her bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.
  • I’m very good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know why.
  • Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
  • My sister bet me $100 that I couldn't build a working car out of spaghetti. You should've seen her face as I drove pasta
  • What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
  • Did you know taller people sleep longer in bed?
  • Where do polar bears vote? The North Poll.
  • How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
  • I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.
  • Getting paid to sleep would be a dream job.
  • I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.
  • What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
  • How do you find a Princess? You follow the foot Prince.
  • Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.
  • If you don't pay your exorcist, will you get repossessed?
  • What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
  • Whiteboards are remarkable.
  • What do you call Dracula with hayfever? The pollen Count.
  • How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
  • Never lie to an x-ray technician. They can see right through you.
  • What did the grape do when it got stepped on? It let out a little wine!
  • When I finally worked out the secret to cloning, I was beside myself.
  • Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
  • My girlfriend asked me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
  • Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
  • Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
  • What is the most hardworking part of the eye? the pupil
  • What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.
  • When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
  • I'd tell you my construction joke but I'm still working on it.
  • I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried it for a spell.
  • What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
  • What music are balloons scared of? Pop music
  • Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
  • A chicken crossing the road is truly poultry in motion.
  • Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
  • How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
  • The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop them a line.
  • What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set? A boa constructor!
  • Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
  • Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
  • What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
  • The other week the cops arrived on the scene to find me upside down in my car. They told me not to be so silly, and to sit properly.....
  • People are choosing cremation over traditional burial. It shows that they are thinking out of the box.
  • There was a recent study that tried to pinpoint the effect that alcohol had on walking. The result was staggering.
  • I love Switzerland. I’m not sure what the best thing about it is, but their flag is a big plus.
  • Learning how to collect trash wasn't that hard, I just picked it up as I went along.
  • What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? (SUPPLIES!)
  • The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my house. I didn’t know what to make of it.
  • To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!
  • Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.
  • I don't trust these stairs - they're always up to something.
  • What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon!
  • My time machine and I go way back.
  • I have a speed bump phobia but I'm slowly getting over it.
  • Did you hear they're changing the flooring in daycare centers? They're calling it infant-tile!
  • My sister was engaged to a man with a wooden leg but she broke it off.
  • I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from. Then it dawned on me.
  • What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
  • Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
  • What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
  • I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.
  • People in Dubai don’t like the Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi Doo.
  • What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
  • Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
  • Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants to the game? In case he got a hole in one.
  • I left my last girlfriend because she wouldn't stop counting. I wonder what she's up to now.
  • How do you kill a circus? Go for the juggler.
  • Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
  • Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was brilliant!
  • How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
  • What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
  • When you dream in color, is it a pigment of your imagination?
  • I haven't slept for ten days. That would be far too long.
  • What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
  • Insect puns bug me.
  • Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
  • Wind turbines - I'm a big fan.
  • Two antennas met, fell in love and eventually got married. The wedding ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was excellent.
  • Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  • Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams.
  • Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
  • What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff!
  • Let’s talk about rights and lefts. You’re right, so I left.
  • What do you say when you lose a wii game? I want a wii-match!
  • Did you hear about those new reversible jackets? I'm excited to see how they turn out.
  • My dog can do magic tricks. It's a labracadabrador.
  • What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
  • What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
  • The marine biology seminars weren’t for entertainment, but were created for educational porpoises.
  • What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
  • Sue broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine.
  • What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look, I'm changing.
  • When it came to getting even with my local bus company, I pulled out all the stops.
  • Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn't chicken!
  • What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
  • What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
  • A new type of broom has come out. It is sweeping the nation.
  • I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.
  • If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.
  • I’ve just written a song about tortillas. Actually, it’s more of a rap.
  • This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar. I said, "Is that a fret?"
  • How do you fix a broken tomato? With tomato paste.
  • Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
  • I've been learning braille. I'm sure I'll master it once I get a feel for it.
  • I went to a restaurant last night and had the Wookie steak. It was a little Chewy.
  • The person who invented the door knock won the No-bell prize.
  • How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
  • Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.
  • Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
  • What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
  • Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
  • I shot someone with a starting gun the other day. I've been charged with a race crime.
  • Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills! source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/schooljokes/kidjokes.html
  • What did the candle say to the other candle? I'm going out tonight.
  • What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
  • If I'm not mistaken, Tippex is pretty useless…
  • Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? Because his friend said dinner is on me.
  • What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
  • What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
  • What's purple and 5000 miles long? The Grape Wall of China!
  • My dad never loved me as a child. I can't blame him really. I wasn't born until he was an adult.
  • A skunk fell in the river and stank to the bottom.
  • Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
  • I tried to finish the left-overs but... foiled again...
  • Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
  • Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
  • What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
  • What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
  • What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
  • A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said "No change yet".
  • A pet store had a bird contest with no perches necessary.
  • Why can't a bicycle stand up on its own? Because it is two tired.
  • What do baseball players eat on? Home plates!
  • What does the dentist of the year get? A little plaque.
  • What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? "You can't tuna fish."
  • What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
  • What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
  • Why do girls scouts sell cookies? They wanna make a sweet first impression.
  • My fear of moving stairs is escalating.
  • When it comes to cosmetic surgery, a lot of people turn their noses up.
  • You can tell the sex of an ant by dropping it in a bowl of water. If it sinks: girl ant If it floats: boy ant
  • I really wanted a camouflage shirt, but I couldn't find one.
  • What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
  • I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
  • There was a big paddle sale at the boat store. It was quite an oar deal.
  • Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
  • Why is a 2016 calendar more popular than a 2015 calendar? It has more dates.
  • Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other, “Err...so how do you drive this thing?”
  • I used to be a baker, but I didn't make enough dough.
  • Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  • Regular visitors to the dentist are familiar with the drill.
  • What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
  • I saw an advert that read: "Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full" I thought to myself, I can't turn that down.
  • I heard a funny joke about a boomerang earlier. I'm sure it'll come back to me eventually.
  • I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
  • I often say to myself, "I can't believe that cloning machine worked!"
  • How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
  • The best way to stop a charging bull is to take away his credit card.
  • Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
  • My Grandma is having trouble with her new stair lift. It's driving her up the wall.
  • How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
  • Some people say I'm addicted to somersaults but that's just how I roll.
  • Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
  • Never marry a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
  • Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?
  • Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
  • What jumps from cake to cake and smells of almonds? Tarzipan.
  • Two peanuts are walking down the street. One is assaulted.
  • Someone just stole my mood ring. I'm not sure how I feel about that.
  • Someone threw cheese at me. Real mature!
  • Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.
  • What did the pencile say to the other pencil? your looking sharp.
  • What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
  • Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
  • What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight? Sir Render.
  • What's purple and 5,000 miles long? The Grape Wall of China.
  • Why did the lion spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
  • Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver.
  • What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
  • It's really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches.
  • What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
  • I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
  • Being struck by lightning is a shocking experience!
  • What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
  • Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
  • What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
  • When the cannibal showed up late for lunch, the others gave him the cold shoulder.