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Friend Puns

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  • My friend gave me a book about puns for my birthday and I loved it. It was two meaningful.
  • Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them.
  • My friends call me Mesa because of my big butte.
  • If you got tired of living, don't share your thoughts with all your friends – they might not give you a chance to change your mind…
  • My friend said, 'There's a lot of gold in those hills.' I replied, 'That's a load of bullion.'.
  • My friend lives by a cliff he's always telling me to drop over.
  • I'm having an introvert party and you're all not invited.
  • I was only going to buy one ounce of pot from a friend but I got a pound instead. It was a smokin deal.
  • Girls who don't get asked out as often as their friends could feel out-dated.
  • I told my friend about the creative writing class I took, and she said that she had a simile experience.
  • When I commented on a friend's psychedelic door he said, Don't Knock It.
  • Since her kind gift of a lemon cake I rate her as one of Madeira friends.
  • My friend went on a date with a girl called 'Simile'. I asked him how it went. He said it wasn't serious, he just metaphor a coffee.
  • One day my friend asked me, how do you take such good care of your saxophone. I responded with tenor, love and care.
  • Some people only gets called by their nicknames. Usually it sounds weird to even say their real name.
  • Now that I'm older, I realize that my imaginary friend was really nothing more than an imaginary acquaintance.
  • My friend's bakery burned down last night. Now his business is toast.
  • The soprano was very optimistic and always left her friends on a high note.
  • My friend Cliff helped me through a really hard time, he was my rock.
  • I found out about you from my last nightmare.
  • When it comes to nourishment, a boa's best friend is his smother.
  • I'm not a Facebook status, you don't have to like me.
  • Two friends took ropes to school so that they could skip out.
  • Marine biologists like to see a friend or sea anemone.
  • A friend of mine found out he has the bird flu. He thinks he was a victim of fowl plague.
  • Friends are like boobs. Some big,some small. Some real, some fake.
  • I asked my friend for a sharpened pencil, but he didn't have one. I always knew he was a little dull...
  • The bride's best friend is so proud, she's practically made of honor.
  • I was thinking that hot air balloon operators don't make very good friends. Sure they can be uplifting at times, but in the end they always bring you down.
  • My friend quit working at the pin factory. He felt there was no point to the job.
  • My friend dropped his box of Italian pastries on the floor. I cannoli imagine what he must be going through.
  • After getting pranked by his friends and getting hit with a basket, Aron knew they had a wickerd sense of humour.
  • My friend is very paranoid. He says people are either foe him or against him.
  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  • Why do trees have so many friends? They branch out.
  • My friend had amnesia and couldn't remember how to walk up the stairs, so I had to go back and teach him step by step.
  • My friend was fired from his job at the road department for stealing. I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.
  • There are two towns named Hope and Merritt. A friend of mine lives beyond Hope without Merritt.
  • My friend required 10 stitches in his ass. He was trying to cut fart and the knife slipped.
  • A friend is like a book: you don't need to read all of them, just pick the best ones.
  • Nothing brings neighbors together, like a broken elevator.
  • A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.
  • I tried to get friendly with the archer's daughter, butt after he threatened to clout and nock me about, I decided to bow out.
  • The man was having trouble understanding darts, so his friend explained some of the finer points.
  • When I treated my friends to lunch at the Mexican fast food restaurant I had to pay the taco bill.
  • A friend told me he dug a hole in my backyard and filled it with water. I thought he meant well.
  • I control the weeds in my lawn with the help of my friend, Herby Side.
  • My mate broke his left arm and left leg, but he was alright.
  • Birds can be soft on themselves or down on themselves but they are fair weather friends.
  • I'm friends with my fist, although he can be quite a knuckle head.
  • My small friend always argues that vanilla, chocolate and strawberry are the three best ice cream flavors, I think he has a Neapolitan complex.
  • When my friend started to go bald, I tried not to laugh, but he looked hair-larious.
  • Airline pilots make many friends in high places.
  • There are few things I enjoy more than picking an argument with my girlfriend when she has the hiccups.
  • There were a bunch of pillows at the store. I took one and my friend took the rest.
  • The entomologist's wardrobe was really fly, but her friend the physicist always had something tachyon.
  • Rap videos are completely unrealistic. Nobody has that many friends.
  • How did two oceans or seas become friends? Because they kept waving at each other.
  • My friend started telling me skeleton puns. They were all very rib tickling.
  • My friend and I are going to drive across the southern states of America, just to see how long it Texas.
  • My best friend and I attended culinary school together and then opened our own restaurant. I guess we are taste buds.
  • I like the sound of you not talking.
  • A friend tried to make me say animal puns today but I thought they were boaring.
  • An acquaintance of mine let me try his mixture of basil, olive oil, garlic, and ground pine nuts. We immediately became pesto friends.
  • Did you hear about my friend who hired out vampires and poison, and my other friend who ate children? Could say the first one was the lessor of two evils.
  • My friend came around for dinner. We ate for 20 minutes, then he fainted again.
  • An undertaker can be one of your best friends, he is always the last one to let you down.
  • Occasionally, a true friend gives his paw not his hand...
  • After my friend entered a local biggest loser contest he informed me that I would be seeing less of him.
  • My wife says I can join your gang but I have to be home by 9.
  • Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don't want to go.
  • If you step onto a plane and recognize a friend of yours named Jack don't yell out Hi Jack!
  • I had a friend that collected police cars, ambulances and fire trucks. It was an estate of emergency when he died.
  • TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
  • I like vegetables, but my friend doesn't carrot call.
  • My friend and I are going to ride our bikes to a house party because I don't think we could handle bars.
  • Want to dance? Or should I go to hell again?
  • A true friend thinks you're a good egg even though you're slightly cracked.
  • My friends and I played a game of football on a pile of quarry rock - we lost on aggregate.
  • It's a pleasure to see you and another – not to see.
  • My friend wants to dress like the Queen of Hearts for Halloween. I think I'll follow suit.
  • When you can't decide with your friends whose place to have a party at it's known as party politics.
  • I think I've discovered my supersymmetric partner.
  • My friend asked me to carve a sculpture out of a large rock. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to make!
  • It's always a good idea to make friends with babies. That's free cake once a year for a lifetime.
  • My friend has orchestra as her elective. She likes that it's her last class so she can end the day on a good note!
  • My friend said that if Watergate had happened in Scotland they would've had Scotch tape.
  • I always tell new hires, don't think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you.
  • Friends wave red flags when you have a bad idea. Real friends pick up a camera.
  • The inept mathematician couldn't count on his friends.
  • The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend" is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".
  • My friend brought me a Swedish cake. I later discovered it was Stollen.
  • My friend is moving to Seoul. He thought it would be a good Korea move.
  • Everyone has a friend who laughs funnier than he jokes.
  • When all my electrical engineering friends at the baseball game did the wave, it was almost like having a phased-hooray.
  • My New Year's resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.