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Drinking Statuses

Everyone loves good Drinking Statuses


See some super funny drinking status:

  • Beer is now cheaper than gas, do drink, don’t drive!
  • My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
  • Ah that’s just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk. – The Simpsons
  • I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
  • Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could've become beer, but didn't
  • You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
  • Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
  • When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. – Henry Youngman
  • I twisted my ankle playing vodka last night.. Next question
  • Stumbled into bed late last night. “You’re drunk,” she said. “Also, you live next door.”
  • I'm sorry, I live in the U.S. so I don't really get the metric system. How much exactly is "in moderation"?
  • Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat; it makes you lean… against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
  • Alcohol – The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance “medicine.”
  • Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
  • Short Drinking Quotes by Famous People
  • A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her. – W.C. Fields
  • No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness – or so good as drink. – G. K. Chesterton
  • Hangover makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
  • It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
  • Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat, It makes you lean …. against bars, tables, chairs, and poles.
  • First Rule of Camping: Put up the tent before you start drinking.
  • Thinks my computer should have a little alcohol measuring tube to blow into before posting a status on Facebook.
  • I need a partner in wine.
  • I only drink on two occasions when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.
  • I drink to make other people interesting. – George Jean Nathan
  • Maybe talking when I’m piss ass drunk isn’t entirely bright. – Chris McGowan
  • Thank goodness I'm loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can't blame it on the alcohol.
  • I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly. – Anchorman
  • You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.
  • I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.
  • says most girls are made of sugar and spice but my girls are made of vodka and ice
  • Man, being reasonable, must get drunk; the best of life is but intoxication. – Lord Byron
  • My favorite part of Summer is the booze. Coincidentally, that's my favorite part of the other 3 seasons, too.
  • Why don’t you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini? -Robert Benchley
  • I'm in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I'm at the liquor store.
  • If you put Root Beer in a square glass do you get Beer?
  • Life has many choices: whiskey, vodka, rum, gin, beer, jack, jose, Jim... Which one did u Choose?
  • I think I'll have another glass of wine!!! It helps to increase my ability to,
  • I know a lot more old drunks than old doctors. – Joe E. Lewis
  • If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt. – Dean Martin
  • Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. – Ogden Nash
  • Alcohol contains male hormones. It makes you stupid and irresponsible
  • Light the J, Pass the Grey take a hit and a sip, Pass that shit. From the bottle or the bong, Just keep the weed and da liquor moving along.
  • Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form.
  • I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on. – Oscar Levant
  • If God had intended us to drink beer, he would have given us stomachs. -David Daye
  • I swear to Drunk, I’m not God!
  • If anyone asks, I'm drinking all this wine to collect corks for a pinterest project.
  • I find the more I drink, the more interesting others become. – Tom Ralphs
  • if vodka was water and i was a duck, id swim to the bottom and never come up. but vodka ain't water and I'm not a duck so slide me a bottle and shut the f... up
  • Reality is an illusion created by a lack of alcohol.
  • I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
  • Being in the doghouse isn't so bad if there's enough beer in the bowl.
  • All is fair in love and beer. – Kurt Paradis
  • Gluten free. Dairy free. Fat Free. I love the wine diet!
  • My three favorite guys: Jack, Jim, Jose
  • I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
  • I am a drinker ... Hear me pour
  • I put the whiskey in another room ... Exercise regimen established.
  • I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
  • I'm pretty sober, but I'm prettier drunk.
  • Alcoholic friends are as easy to make as Sea Monkeys.
  • The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
  • Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.
  • Everybody should believe in something; I believe I’ll have another drink.
  • if Ur heart is broken,I'll get the glue!if Ur lost in life,I'll come find u!if Ur sad,I'll make u smile!& if Ur happy let me no,we'll celebrate vodka style!
  • There's a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
  • When used separately, women and alcohol can be a lot of fun, but when you mix the two you become a dumb-ass.
  • Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
  • Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
  • They don't make pizza or beer out of celery. And that is all you need to know about celery.
  • Here’s to alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all life’s problems. – The Simpsons
  • If I ever sound inspriational, one of us is drunk.
  • Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time. – Catherine Zandonella
  • It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth. – George Burns
  • The problem with drinking with people from work is they're the ones I bitch about when I'm drunk.
  • Is certain that it doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more vodka.
  • Part of me says I can’t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s drunk.
  • Work is the curse of the drinking classes. – Oscar Wilde
  • Sometimes you run into people who change your life forever ... Bartenders, they are called bartenders.
  • Drink what you want; drink what you’re able. If you are drinking with me, you’ll be under the table.
  • You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
  • Drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight Hey!
  • A drunk man never tells a lie.
  • Say's ..... it's not the alcohol that causes hangovers it's the sleep, just think how great u felt before u went to bed (if u made it that far)
  • Nice try salad bars, there's only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
  • As a man I am so thankful I don't have to give birth. I could never go nine months without drinking.
  • says, some call it binge drinking, but here we like to call it "recreationally getting f...ed up!"
  • ATMs should have built in breathalyzers. I would save so much money.
  • Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. – Dave Barry
  • Of course I am gonna drive. I am too drunk to walk.
  • My good friends are bad for my liver.
  • The answer to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a beer bottle, they’re on TV. – The Simpsons
  • He that drinks fast, pays slow. – Benjamin Franklin
  • You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
  • Read About : Status and Quotes about Coffee
  • One martini is alright, two is too many, three is not enough. – James Thurber
  • Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There’s liquor and you can’t hear them.
  • If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, you’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk.
  • At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
  • What I lack in sex appeal I make up in staying home and drinking.
  • Cop: "Your eyes are red. Have you been drinking?"
  • You drive me to drink!!! ~Me shouting to the taxi driver.
  • But if you must lie, lie in each others arms
  • Ice cold Bud Light + a few good friends = one hell of a good time
  • When I drink, I think; and when I think, I drink. – Frantois Rabelais
  • Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. – Benjamin Franklin
  • Drink beer - save water
  • Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth ... and drink all the vodka inside ... It seems to help
  • A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. – Steve Fergosi
  • I don’t drink water, unless it’s been through a brewery first.
  • One tequila…. two tequila….. three tequila….. floor….
  • When you stop drinking, you have to deal with this marvelous personality that started you drinking in the first place. – Jimmy Breslin
  • It’s like gambling somehow. You go out for a night of drinking and you don’t know where you’re going to end up the next day. It could work out good or it could be disastrous. It’s like the throw of the dice.
  • Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
  • I got so wasted one night I waited for the stop sign to change, and it did. – Steve Krabitz
  • My boss didn’t know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.
  • Has realized that alcohol is very much like Pringles.
  • I’m not saying I have a hangover, but I can hear light right now.
  • Look, all I'm saying is that the dinosaurs didn't drink alcohol and look what happened to them.
  • We drink [to] one another’s health and spoil our own. -Jerome K. Jerome
  • If you drink, don’t park; accidents cause people.
  • I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink. – Joe E. Lewis
  • I never cry over spilt milk. But, beer? That sh!t's totally different.
  • You really understand how drunk you are when you're peeing...
  • I feel bad for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. – Frank Sinatra
  • Anyone who says that alcohol is a depressant isn’t drinking enough of it.
  • I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. – Rodney Dangerfield
  • Says God takes care of drunks and babies…do you know how lucky that is for drunk babies?
  • will be drunk until further notice!
  • My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
  • Funny Drinking Status for Facebook
  • Responsible drinking? Now that’s an oxymoron. – Aaron Howard
  • I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn’t pronounce it.
  • I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
  • Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
  • Drinking Tip: Never buy the first round cause that's when people care what they're drinking!
  • Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my scotch, I say, I’m thirsty, not dirty. – Joe E. Lewis
  • At my age I can no longer function without my glasses. Especially when they're empty.
  • Wants you to know that I don’t really want to go drinking tonight, but I almost have perfect attendance at the bars this week and I can’t mess that up.
  • Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
  • Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy. – Frank Sinatra
  • Has often thought that what doesn’t kill us makes us drink stronger liquor.
  • Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
  • It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now sounds a little better than, it's 1:15, I'm trashed and I need a booty call.
  • My favorite moment is the 5 minutes every day when coffee overlaps with wine.
  • I’ve never been drunk, but often I’ve been overserved. – George Gobel
  • You know you are old when your parties have glasses instead of red plastic cups.
  • Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. – Ernest Hemingway
  • I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
  • For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
  • I feel like there should be more breakfast beers on the market.
  • I like Tuesday, it rhymes with Boozeday...