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Coffee Puns

Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.


Entries are tagged with coffee puns.

  • What's the difference between Starbucks and a prostitute? Nothing, they both suck and empty your wallet! 
  • Everyone makes fun of him for using old coffee, but he insists it has the greatest sedimental value.
  • You spilled your entire cup of coffee? What's sumatra with you?
  • How Is divorce like Espresso? It's expensive and bitter.
  • How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
  • The coffee tasted like mud because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
  • What do you call a robbery in which someone?s coffee was stolen? Mugging.
  • What's It Called When You Steal Someone's Coffee? Mugging!
  • When he spilled coffee on her shirt she showed him dis-stain.
  • The worst type of criminal is he who mugs other people's coffee.
  • What's the best Beatles song? Latte Be! 
  • Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they know how to espresso themselves.
  • Why do they call coffee mud? Because it was ground a couple of minutes ago.
  • The pot of coffee he just made is basically break fluid.
  • There Are Two Kinds of People... Coffee people and sad people.
  • The hipster burnt his tongue. He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
  • She'll take whatever beans necessary to get her daily cup of coffee. Whatever. Beans. Necessary.
  • Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems.
  • You mocha me sick
  • What Did the Fraternity Coffee Shop Specialize in? Fratuccino.
  • What Are You If You Name Your Cats Cream and Sugar? You're probably drinking too much coffee.
  • Italians are so good at making coffee because they naturally like to espresso themselves.
  • Yo Mama so Stupid... She thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team!
  • Why did the Brooklynites burn their tongue? They drank the coffee before it was cool.
  • What Kind of Coffee Was Served on the Titanic? Sanka.
  • What Do You Call Sad Coffee? Despresso. 
  • Why Are all Jewish Men Required to Make a Good Cup of Coffee? Because according to the Torah, he brews! 
  • What's Fat, Slimy, and Drinks a lot of Coffee? Java the Hut.
  • How do you feel when there is no coffee? Depresso.
  • What's Black and Doesn't Work? Decaffeinated coffee. 
  • What Did the Barista's Valentine Say? Words cannot espresso my love for you.
  • How Does a Tech Guy Drink Coffee? He installs Java!
  • Don't talk to him before he's had his espresso or he'll lose his tamper.
  • Why Do the Lakers Have to Drink Their Coffee Black? They're out of KAREEM.
  • She drank so much coffee at work, she considered it part of her daily grind.
  • Why Don't Snakes Drink Coffee? It makes them viperactive!
  • Selling coffee has its perks for those who have bean so lucky.
  • The coffee around here is break fluid.
  • Just got a Mr. Coffee® 12-Cup Programmable Coffeemaker. It has a lot of perks.
  • The man next to her on the train spilled coffee all over her shirt. She responded by showing him dis-stain.
  • You may want to seek help if you feel despresso when you don't have coffee.
  • Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong discussion.
  • What Did the Doctor Say after He Delivered a Baby Holding a Pumpkin Spice Latte? "Its a white girl." 
  • Does a coffee shop have the grounds to operate in the black?
  • I do some of my best thinking over coffee. I tend to have a latte on my mind.
  • How Are Men like Coffee? The best ones are rich, hot, and can keep you up all night! 
  • She was a little hesitant to try the new caramel flavor, but she decided to give it a shot, anyway.
  • Avoid discussing coffee in sensitive company. It can make for a heated and strong debate.
  • Why Is Coffee Better than a Woman? Coffee goes down easier.
  • Stealing someone's coffee is called 'mugging'.
  • Central Perk
  • Snakes don't drink coffee because it makes them viperactive.
  • Why are Italians so good at making coffee? Because they really know how to espresso themselves.
  • Why Is a Bad Cup of Coffee the End of a Marriage? Because it's GROUNDS for divorce! 
  • How Are Coffee Beans like Kids? They're always getting grounded!