<link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/skel.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/style.css" /> <link rel="stylesheet" href="../../../css/style-desktop.css" />

Christmas Puns

Absolutely hillarious Christmas one-liners! Large collection of best Christmas one-line jokes


I need some Christmas puns

  • What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.
  • The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
  • Are you Christmas, because I want to Merry you.
  • If you jingle my bells ill promise you a white Christmas.
  • Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots!"
  • What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes
  • What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
  • Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
  • Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude"olph
  • Christmas tree trend started because people thought it would spruce things up a bit.
  • Santa was forced to attend a Christmas party because his presents was required.
  • How do you know when Santa's in the room? You can sense his presents.
  • Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses.
  • Reindeer don't go to public school, they’re elf taught.
  • Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.
  • There's nothing like the joy on a kid's face when he first sees the PlayStation box containing the socks I got him for Christmas.
  • I love when candy canes are in mint condition.
  • What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at 3 ho's.
  • Which of Santa’s reindeer needs to mind his manners the most? "Rude Olph".
  • What is the cow’s holiday greeting? Mooooory Christmas.
  • What do you call a chicken at the North Pole? Lost.
  • If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?
  • I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me "Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace" So I bought her nothing.
  • Santa Claus' favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.
  • What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? St. O'Claus!
  • What's the most poular Christmas carol in the desert? Oh caaamel ye faithful.
  • Why doesn't Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.
  • The North Pole doesn't import goods because it’s Elf Sufficient.
  • Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing.
  • Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
  • Why did they ask the turkey to join the band? He had the drum sticks.
  • What type of Christmas dessert shouldn’t you trust? Mince spies!
  • What name does Santa Claus use when he takes a rest from delivering presents? Santa Pause!
  • What do elves learn in school? The Elf-abet!
  • I know its not Christmas, but Santa's lap is always ready.
  • The Turkey wasn't hungry at Christmas because he was already stuffed.
  • The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
  • Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
  • Why did Santa go to jail? He sleighed an elf.
  • Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
  • How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus weighed 4.2 kg? Cause thay had a weigh in the mangor.
  • Why does Santa have 3 gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.
  • What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve!
  • Shouldn't you be on top of the tree, Angel?
  • What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs.
  • One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother."
  • What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
  • what do you call an elf that can sing? A wrapper.
  • What nationality is Santa Claus? North Polish
  • Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? He sold his soul to Santa.
  • What is the difference between snowmen and snow-women? Snowballs.
  • Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him