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Chocolate Puns

These chocolate puns are so sweet


A pun about a chocolate bar has won the annual Funniest Joke

  • What happens when you try to eat 5 candy bars at once? Your gonna choke alot.
  • Why did they put Viagra in chocolate bars? You eat it, She says, "Oh, Oh Henry!"
  • Other things are just food. But chocolate’s chocolate.
  • Chocolate – The breakfast of champions!
  • Intergalactic Peace Through Chocolate!
  • Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.
  • The best things in life are chocolate.
  • Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.
  • Why did the blonde buy a brown cow? To get chocolate milk.
  • Chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment.
  • What do cannibals eat for dessert? Chocolate covered aunts.
  • Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? Because it lost its filling
  • Seduced by the chocolate side of the Force.
  • What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
  • I’m a Chocoholics Anonymous dropout.
  • Chocolate My People Go 
  • How do you know it's cold outside? When you milk a brown cow you get chocolate ice cream!
  • Once you consume chocolate, chocolate will consume you.
  • The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.
  • What are the 4 major food groups? Pizza, Coffee, Chocolate and Sex.
  • Cocoa bean stealin yo cash! 
  • Life is like a box of chocolates, It doesn't last too long for fat people.
  • I’m not overweight, just chocolate enriched.
  • I never met a chocolate I didn’t like. – Counselor Deanna Troi, Star Trek: The Next Generation
  • If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly.
  • If chocolate is the answer, the question is irrelevant.
  • Yo mamma so fat, when she walked out of candy land there was nothing left!
  • If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?
  • I take chocolate from strangers.
  • Chocolate is not a matter of life and death – it’s more important than that!
  • What is a monkey's favorite cookie? Chocolate chimp!
  • Eve left the Garden of Eden for chocolate!
  • There are only three things in life that matter – good friends, good chocolate and, oh dear, what was that other one?
  • I only eat chocolate for you, so there will be more of me to love.
  • A chocolate in the mouth is worth two on the plate.
  • Did you hear about the love affair between Mr. Goodbar and Peppermint Patty? They had a baby, Ruth.
  • How can you tell that a blondes been baking chocolate chip cookies? Theres M&M shells all over the floor.
  • What kind of candy is never on time? ChocoLATE
  • My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far today, I have finished 2 bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. – Dave Barry
  • Chocolate isn’t a food, it’s a medicine – an anti-depressant.
  • Dip it in chocolate; it’ll be fine.
  • How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? First, invade ze kitchen.
  • Chocolate causes certain endocrine glands to secrete hormones that affect your feelings and behavior by making you happy. Therefore, it counteracts depression, in turn reducing the stress of depression. Your stress-free life helps you maintain a youthful disposition, both physically and mentally. So, eat lots of chocolate! – Elaine Sherman, Book of Divine Indulgences
  • Life Behind chocolate Bars 
  • What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate? A Kitty Kat bar!
  • Eating chocolate can have significant influences on mood, generally leading to an increase in pleasant feelings and a reduction in tension. – Peter Rogers, Ph.D., Institute of Food Research
  • Chocolate is not just for breakfast.
  • Put the chocolate in the bag and nobody gets hurt.
  • Chocolate is nature’s way of making up for Mondays.
  • What do you call a womanising chocolate? A cad-bury.
  • There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. – Linda Grayson, The Printwick Papers
  • Money talks. Chocolate sings!
  • After a bar of chocolate one can forgive anybody, even one’s relatives.
  • What is a French cat's favorite dessert? Chocolate mousse!
  • Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, but chocolate makes it worthwhile.
  • What do you get when you cross Ice, chocolate, a big strawberry, a giant pineapple, and cold milk? The worlds best Sundae!
  • Nuts just take up space where chocolate ought to be.
  • What is an astronauts favorite chocolate? A marsbar!
  • A new British survey has revealed that 9 out of 10 people like Chocolate. The tenth lies. – Robert Paul
  • The bank of friendship cannot exist for long without deposits of chocolate.
  • If they don’t have chocolate in heaven, I ain’t going.
  • Too much of a good thing is simply wonderful!
  • All I want is peace, love, understanding, and a chocolate bar bigger than my head.
  • Nothing chocolate…. Nothing gained.
  • What's the best part of Valentines Day? The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
  • How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie? 3.14159265.
  • What do you call a lamb covered in chocolate? A Candy Baa.
  • If Jake has 30 chocolate bars, and eats 25, what does he have? Diabetes..... Jake has diabetes...
  • What do you call people who like to drink hot chocolate all year long? Cocoa-Nuts.
  • What candy is only for girls? HER-SHEy's Kisses!
  • Here, have some chocolate. Feel better now?
  • Some like it hot, some like it cold; I like it chocolate!
  • EMERGENCY ALERT: If wearer of this shirt is found vacant, listless, or depressed, ADMINISTER CHOCOLATE IMMEDIATELY.
  • Choc Full of Nuts 
  • Yo mamma so dumb, if her brain was chocolate it wouldn't fill a M&M.
  • Momma always said life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get. – Forrest Gump
  • A study says that chocolate may lower your chances of a stroke. That is, a swimming stroke, a golf stroke, a tennis stroke...
  • I’ll eat anything! As long as it’s chocolate.
  • What is the meaning of life? All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.
  • Chocolate is a serious thing! – Counselor Deanna Troi, Start Trek: The Next Generation
  • Anything tastes better dipped in chocolate.
  • There’s more to life than chocolate, but not right now.
  • So, Easter commemorates when Jesus hid eggs for the disciples to find, and then he turned all the rabbits into chocolate, right?
  • Will work for chocolate.
  • What do you call Chewbacca when he has chocolate stuck in his hair? Chocolate Chip Wookiee.
  • There are two types of people in this world: People who love chocolate and liars.
  • There’s a thin person inside of me screaming to get out, but I keep her sedated with chocolate.
  • Anything is good and useful if it’s made of chocolate.
  • Chocolate doesn’t make the world go ’round, but it sure does make the trip worthwhile!
  • A little too much chocolate is just about right.
  • When no one understands you, chocolate is there.
  • Nobody knows the truffles I’ve seen.
  • Simply put… everyone has a price, mine is chocolate!
  • My periods Choco-late! 
  • Research tells us fourteen out of any ten individuals likes chocolate.
  • Chocolate me out of this fat body 
  • What do you call an ant dipped in chocolate? Decad-ant
  • So much chocolate, so little time!
  • Do not Disturb! Chocolate fantasy in progress.
  • What kind of candy bar does an employee crave before the weekend? A Payday
  • Save the Earth! (It’s the only planet with chocolate.)
  • Any sane person loves chocolate.
  • Seven days without chocolate makes one weak.
  • Chocolate: Here today… Gone today!
  • Given enough chocolate and coffee, I could rule the world.
  • Life is like a box of chocolates – full of nuts!
  • If it ain’t chocolate, it ain’t breakfast!
  • What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Carbon-Holmium-Cobalt-Lanthanum-Tellurium or CHoCoLaTe
  • The three best pleasures in life are scratching, sneezing and eating chocolate.
  • Chocolate makes everyone smile-even bankers.