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Biology Puns

Funny biology jokes, puns and one liners You don't like plant jokes? What stomata with you! Don't worry though, because these biology puns rock.


Biology fun! Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes.

  • If I go to jail, my nickname will be mitochondria so I'm the power house of the cell
  • The barman says "That'll be 80p (ATP) please!"
  • What do you call the leader of a biology gang? The nucleus
  • One plant says to another, “Are you hungry?” The other replies, “I could use a light snack.” 
  • A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effects. Apparently he was ambidextrose.
  • What is the study of real estate? Homology 
  • What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? Pull down its genes.
  • Where do they send the criminal neurons? To the chain ganglion.
  • Have you gone through a shredder because you look like fine particulate matter.
  • What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick? Designer jeans.
  • How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
  • Two blood cells met and married, but alas it was all in vein.
  • How do you tell the gender of a person? You pull their genes down.
  • What do DNA helicase and perverts have in common? They both want to unzip your genes.
  • I was grading exams, and a student referred to the components of a two hybrid screen as "bait" and "pray." There may be some truth to that!
  • What’s the study of real estate? Homology.
  • What’s a pirate’s favorite amino acid? Arrrrrr-ginine.
  • What did one cell say to his sister cell when she stepped in his toe? Mitosis.
  • Why do monocytes get all the girls? Because they're Mac daddies!
  • By the end of this lab, you'll all have taken a likin' to lichen and be best buds with yeast.
  • What do you do when your protein breaks down? Call the mRNA.
  • “Today,” said the professor, “I will be lecturing about the liver and spleen.” Up in the gallery, one med student leaned toward the other, “Damn, if there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s an organ recital.”
  • We just hired a molecular biologist. Man, is he small.
  • What do football players wear on their heads? Helminth
  • What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist? One wags a tail and the other tags a whale.
  • What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your “style”
  • A cell ran into the end table and yelled "mytoechondria!"
  • Why couldn’t the plants escape prison? Because their cells were surrounded by walls.
  • What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use? A tree-ring binder.
  • Which biochemicals wash up on beaches? Nucleotides.
  • I don’t know what carbon dating is, but I’ll try anything at this point…
  • What do you call an oral hygiene product for the brain? Neural Crest.
  • what do you call the leader of a biology gang? The nucleus
  • Why are men sexier than women? You can’t spell sexy without xy.
  • Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures.
  • How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
  • What do you call a faulty spirometer? Expired.
  • Our molecular biologist was so small, he got crushed by a speck of dust!
  • Arbor Day is such a treet! What a wonderful day to branch out and learn something about the environment!
  • I heard this morning that veterinarians are beginning to use on household animals expensive upscale diagnostic equipment previously only available for humans, including CAT and PET scanners.
  • Aw, drawled the other, "they're all a bunch of cheetahs
  • How do you identify a bald eagle? All his feathers are combed over to one side.
  • Is there a big difference between male and female anatomy? Yes, a vas deferens.
  • What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your "style"
  • A red blood cell walked into a busy restaurant. The hostess asked, “Would you like to sit at the bar?” The red cell replied, “No thanks, I’ll just circulate.”
  • They call me DJ Enzyme because I always break it down.
  • We have to stop talking about mitosis… It’s such a divisive issue.
  • Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry.
  • What do you call a place of worship made out of amino acids? A cysteine chapel.
  • If I go to jail, my nickname will be mitochondria so I’m the power house of the cell.
  • How did the herpetologist know he would be married soon? He caught the garter snake.
  • What do you call a benzene ring that has had all its carbon replaced with iron? A ferrous wheel.
  • What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
  • How does the nucleus communicate with ribosomes? With a cell phone.
  • How do you eat DNA-spaghetti? With a replication fork.
  • That is one fly agaric!
  • A guy accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose but he had no ill effect. Apparently he was ambidextrose.
  • What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
  • How does the nucleus communicate with ribosomes? With a cell phone.
  • How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her.
  • How do you recognize a native American cell biologist? He lives in ATP.
  • The morel of the story is to never bring a mushroom to a lobster party...it would be a clash of the chitins.
  • How does Juliet maintain a constant body temperature? Romeostasis.
  • How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.
  • I don't know what carbon dating is, but I'll try anything at this point...
  • Where do you bury dead people? Asymmetry
  • Why are there no asprin in the jungle? Because the parrots-eat-them-all.