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Washington Redskins Jokes  

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  • How many Washington Redskins does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • What do they call a drug ring in Washington D.C.? A huddle.
  • A: For the first offense, they give you two Redskins tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple Washington Redskins games.
  • Whats the difference between a vacuum cleaner and the Washington Redskins? There's only 1 dirtbag in a vacuum cleaner.
  • Why did the chicken cross the road? Cause Albert Haynesworth was trying to eat him!
  • How many Washington Redskins fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • What's the difference between Washington Redskins fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • What's the difference between the Washington Redskins and Cheerios? Cheerios belongs in a bowl!
  • Did you hear that Washingtons's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • What do you call a sober Redskins fan? A liar.
  • What do the Redskins and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • How do you stop an Washington Redskins fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Cowboys blue and silver.
  • Why are so many Washington Redskins players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
  • Want to hear a Redskins joke? Matt Jones!
  • What do the Washington Redskins and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • What's the difference between OJ Simpson and the Redskins? OJ at least had a defense!
  • What do the Washington Redskins and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • How do you keep a Redskins fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Giants blue and red and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • What do you call a beautiful girl in Washington D.C.? A tourist.
  • I put a RGIII bumper sticker on my car and now it won't start.
  • How are the Redskins like my neighbors? . They can't pick up a single yard!
  • How do you stop an Washington Redskins fan from beating his wife? Dress her in New York Blue!
  • What was RGIII's latest injury in a Washington Redskins uniform? A torn labia!
  • How many Redskins fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in the Cowboys shadow!
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Washington Redskins fan? The bucket.
  • Why is Alfred Morris like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • How do you keep a Redskins fan from masterbating? You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
  • What do you call an Washington Redskin in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  • How do the Redskins spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights
  • If you have a car containing a Redskins wide receiver, a Redskins linebacker, and a Redskins defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • Why did Robert Griffin cross the road? To get to the hospital on the other side.
  • Why do ducks fly over Fedex Field upside down? . There's nothing worth craping on!
  • What is a Washington Redskins fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat New Orleans."
  • What's the difference between a Washington Redskins fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • What's the difference between the Washington Redskins and Cheerios? Cheerios belongs in a bowl
  • What did the Redskins fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
  • What do the Washington Redskins and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
  • What do you call a Washington Redskins with a Super Bowl ring? Elderly.
  • What do the Redskins and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday.
  • What does an Washington Redskins fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • Why are Washington Redskins jokes getting dumber and dumber?? Because Redskins fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What's the difference between the Washington Redskins and a pinball machine? The pinball machine scores more points.
  • How do you know the Washington D.C. Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Washington.
  • Why do Washington Redskins fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • What's the difference between the Redskins and cigarettes? Eli Manning doesn't smoke cigarettes
  • What is the new Redskins official cologne creating a lot of buzz? You wear it and the other guy scores.
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Washington Redskins.
  • Wanna hear a joke? The Washington Redskins!
  • What's the difference between the Washington Redskins & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • What has eight arms and an I. of 60? Four Redskins fans watching a football game.
  • Where do you go in Washington D.C. in case of a tornado? Fedex Field - they never get a touchdown there!
  • Why do the Washington Redskins want to change their name to the Washington Tampons? Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
  • How did the Washington Redskins fan die from drinking milk? . The cow fell on him!
  • What is the difference between a Redskins fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • How do you keep an Washington Redskins out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • What should you do if you find three Washington Redskins football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • What's the difference between the Washington Redskins and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • What does a Washington Redskins fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • What do you call a Redskins fan with half a brain? Gifted.
  • How do you casterate an Washington Redskins fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • How do you recognize an Redskins player in a department store? He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
  • Why do NFL teams get excited about playing the Redskins? It's like having an extra bye week.