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Seattle Seahawks Jokes  

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  • How many Seattle Seahawks fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Seattle Seahawks.
  • What does a Seattle Seahawks fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • Why does President Obama want to send Seahawk QB Russell Wilson to Syria? The CIA are convinced Russell is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.
  • Sincerely,
  • Why can't Russell Wilson use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • How did the Seattle Seahawks fan die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
  • What does a Seattle Seahawks fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
  • How do you keep an Seattle Seahawks out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • How do you recognize an Seahawk in a department store? He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
  • Why do the Seattle Seahawks want to change their name to the Seattle Tampons? Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
  • What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • If you have a car containing a Seahawks wide receiver, a Seahawks linebacker, and a Seahawks defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • Why does President Obama want to send Russell Wilson to Venezuela? The CIA are convinced Russell is the only American who can overthrow Hugo Chavez.
  • What is the difference between a Seahawks fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • Who knew a Seahawks fan could even tie a tie.
  • What do you call an Seattle Seahawk in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  • What do you call Jimmy Graham when he is next to Luke Wilson? Jimmy Grahamcracker.
  • What do the Seattle Seahawks and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • Why are so many Seattle Seahawks players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
  • When Richard Sherman asked Papa John how many toppings he could have Papa John said you can pick six.
  • Did you hear that Seattle's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • Peyton Manning
  • A Seattle car salesman was fired Monday for wearing a San Francisco 49ers tie...
  • Why aren't many people surprised by the success of the Seattle Seahawks since Pete Carroll became couch? Pete Carroll coached professional football players at USC for years.
  • What's the difference between an Seattle Seahawks fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • Why doesn't Tacoma have a professional football team? Because then Seattle would want one.
  • What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and a pinball machine? The pinball machine scores more points.
  • How do you stop an Seattle Seahawks fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Arizona Red!
  • What does an Seattle Seahawks fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • Why are Seattle Seahawks jokes getting dumb and dumber? Because Seahawks fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple Seattle Seahawks games.
  • What are the Seahawk's two most hated shows? The Brady Bunch and Malcolm in the Middle!
  • How many Seattle Seahawks does it take to win a Super Bowl? Nobody knows and we may never find out!
  • How do you keep a Seahawks fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Arizona red and he won't beat it for years!
  • Want to hear a Seahawks joke? Thomas Rawls!
  • What was Percy Harvin's latest injury in a Seahawks uniform? A torn labia!
  • How many Seattle Seahawks does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • What's the difference between Seattle Seahawks fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • Want to hear a Seahawks joke? Golden Tate!
  • What is the difference between Russell Wilson and Tom Brady? Russell Wilson got schooled.
  • What's the difference between the Seattle Seahawks and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • What should you do if you find three Seattle Seahawks football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • Why was Pete Carrol upset when the Seahawks' playbook was stolen? He wasn't finished coloring in it yet.
  • What's the difference between O.J. Simpson and the Seahawks? O.J. Simpson had a defense.
  • How do you keep a Seahawks fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Arizona red and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • What's the difference between an Seattle Seahawks fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish. How did the Seattle Seahawks fan die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Seattle Seahawks fan? The bucket.
  • Why are Seattle Seahawks jokes getting dumber and dumber?? Because Seahawks fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What did the Seahawks fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!" How are the Seahawks like my neighbors? They can't pick up a single yard!
  • How do you casterate an Seattle Seahawks fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • What do you call an Seattle Seahawks with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.
  • Did you hear about the joke that Russell Wilson told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • Why is Golden Tate like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • Why is Thomas Rawls like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • How many Seattle Seahawks does it take to win a Super Bowl? Nobody knows and we may never find out! Dear Richard Sherman, I'm getting all my "ducks" in a row. Sincerely, Peyton Manning
  • Why do Seattle Seahawks fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • How are the Seahawks like my neighbors? They can't pick up a single yard!
  • What’s the difference between Linsay Lohan and Russell Wilson? Linsay Lohan has a good line in front of her.
  • What do the Seattle Seahawks and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
  • Where do you go in Seattle in case of a tornado? Qwest Field - they never get a touchdown there!
  • How many Seahawks fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in 49ers shadow!
  • How many Seahawks fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in the 49ers shadow!
  • What has eight arms and an I. of 60? Four seahawks fans watching a football game.
  • What do the Seahawks and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday night.
  • What did the Seahawks fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit Mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having the best dream!"
  • Why can't Russell Wilson use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • Dear Richard Sherman, I'm getting all my "ducks" in a row.
  • What is a Seattle Seahawks fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat Arizona."
  • Have you heard about the Seahawks new running back? His name Rawls off the tongue.
  • What do the Seattle Seahawks and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • How many Seattle Seahawks fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • What is the new Seahawks official cologne creating a lot of buzz? You wear it and the other guy scores.
  • Where do you go in Seattle in case of a tornado? Qwest Field - they never get a touchdown there! Why do ducks fly over Qwest Field upside down? There's nothing worth craping on!
  • Why do ducks fly over Qwest Field upside down? There's nothing worth craping on!
  • What do the Seahawks and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • What do you call a Seahawks fan with half a brain? Gifted.
  • How do the Seahawks spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights