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Philadelphia Eagles Jokes  

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  • A Philadelphia car salesman was fired Monday for wearing a NY Giants tie... Who knew an Eagles fan could even tie a tie.
  • How did the Philadelphia Eagles fan die from drinking milk?. The cow fell on him!
  • Why are Philadelphia Eagles jokes getting dumb and dumber? Because Eagles fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What song helps Michael Vick get fired up before a game? Who Let The Dogs Out!
  • How do the Eagles spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights
  • How do you keep a Eagles fan from masterbating? You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • How do you stop an Philadelphia Eagles fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Cowboys blue and silver.
  • What do you call a sober Eagles fan? A liar.
  • What has eight arms and an I.of 60? Four Eagles fans watching a football game.
  • How do you casterate an Philadelphia Eagles fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • What do you call an Philadelphia Eagle with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.
  • Whats worse than being a dog in a animal shelter? Being adopted by Michael Vick!
  • What's the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • What do Bob Barker and Michael Vick have in common? They both do their part to control the pet population!
  • What do the Philadelphia Eagles and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • How do you keep an Philadelphia Eagles out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • What do the Philadelphia Eagles and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • How do you keep a Eagles fan from masterbating? You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
  • What did the Eagles fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
  • What do you call a beautiful girl in Philadelphia? A tourist.
  • What's the difference between an Philadelphia Eagles fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • Why doesn't Harrisburg have a professional football team? Because then Philadelphia would want one.
  • Did you hear about the joke that Sam Bradford told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • How do you know the Pennsylvania State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Philadelphia. For the first offense, they give you two Eagles tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • What do the Eagles and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday night.
  • Where do you go in Philadelphia in case of a tornado? Lincoln Financial Field they never get a touchdown there!
  • How many Philadelphia Eagles does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • Did you hear that Philadelphia's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • If you have a car containing a Eagles wide receiver, a Eagles linebacker, and a Eagles defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • What should you do if you find three Philadelphia Eagles football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • How many Philadelphia Eagles fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
  • How do you stop an Philadelphia Eagles fan from beating his wife? Dress her in New Orleans Black and Gold!
  • What do the Eagles and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • How many Philadelphia Eagles does it take to win a Super Bowl? Nobody knows and we may never find out!
  • Why do ducks fly over Lincoln Financial Field upside down?. There's nothing worth craping on!
  • What do you get when you cross Michael Vick with a dress shoe? Hush Puppies!
  • What is the difference between a Philadelphia Eagles fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • What is the new Eagles official cologne creating a lot of buzz? You wear it and the other guy scores.
  • How do you recognize an Eagles player in a department store? He's the one trying to slam the revolving door.
  • How many Philadelphia Eagles fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • WHO LET THE DOGS OUT? Not michael vick!
  • Why is Hilary Clinton impressed with Michael Vick? Because he went through more dogs than Bill Clinton!
  • What is a Philadelphia Eagles fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat New York."
  • Why can't Sam Bradford use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • Why do Philadelphia Eagles fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • What did the Giants say to the Eagles? Look at my Super bowl Ring.
  • What do you call a Eagles fan with half a brain? Gifted.
  • Who would win in a fight between Michael Vick and a pitbull? The pitbull thats why Michael Vick shoots them!
  • What do the Philadelphia Eagles and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
  • What's the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and a pinball machine? The pinball machine scores more points.
  • What is Michael Vick's latest excuse? The bitch set me up!
  • How do you keep a Eagles fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Giants blue and red and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • Why are so many Philadelphia Eagles players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
  • Why is Hilary Clinton impressed with Michael Vick? Because he went through more dogs than Bill Clinton!
  • Did you hear about the blonde burglar? He broke into the Philadelphia Eagles trophy room.
  • Why can't Nick Foles use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple Philadelphia Eagles games.
  • What does a Philadelphia Eagles fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Philadelphia Eagles.
  • What is white, black, and blue? Riley Cooper at a Jay-Z concert.
  • What does an Philadelphia Eagles fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • What did the Giants say to the Eagles? Look at my Super bowl Ring
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Philadelphia Eagles fan? The bucket.
  • Why do the Philadelphia Eagles want to change their name to the Atlanta Tampons? Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
  • How are the Eagles like my neighbors? . They can't pick up a single yard!
  • What's the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • How many Eagles fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in Dallas' shadow!
  • What's the difference between Philadelphia Eagles fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • Want to hear a Eagles joke? Ryan Matthews!
  • What do you call an Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  • Why is Brent Celek like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • What's the best part about dating an Eagles fan? She won't be asking for a ring!
  • Why do all dogs go to Heaven? Because Michael Vick is in Hell!