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Minnesota Vikings Jokes  

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  • What's the difference between an Minnesota Vikings fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • What has eight arms and an I.of 60? Four Vikings fans watching a football game.
  • How do you stop an Minnesota Vikings fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Green Bay green and gold.
  • What do you call a Minnesota Viking in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  • What is a Minnesota Vikings fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat Green Bay."
  • What do the Vikings and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday.
  • What does a wreck car and the Vikings have in common? Neither has a title!!
  • How many Vikings does it take to win a SuperBowl? Nobody knows!
  • How do you know the Minnesota State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Minneapolis? For the first offense, they give you two Vikings tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • What’s the difference between a porcupine and the Metrodome? A porcupine has 68,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE.
  • What do you call a Vikings fan with half a brain? Gifted.
  • How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • What do you call 53 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The MN Vikings.
  • How cold is it in Minnesota? So cold the junk on Brett Favre's cellphone started to shrink!
  • Did you hear about the joke that Matt Cassel told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • How do the Vikings spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights
  • Why is Matt Asiata like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • What do the Vikings and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • How are the Vikings like my neighbors?
  • What's the difference between Minnesota Vikings fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • How do you stop an Minnesota Vikings fan from beating his wife? Dress her in New Orleans Black and Gold!
  • Why can't Minnesota Viking players eat cereal for breakfast? Whenever they get too close to a "bowl" they choke!
  • How do you casterate an Minnesota Vikings fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • Why are Brett Favre Jersey sales figures misleading? Most of the sales are by Packers fans looking to burn it!
  • What do the Minnesota Vikings and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • What do the Minnesota Vikings and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Minnesota Vikings.
  • What should you do if you find three Minnesota Vikings football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • What is the difference between a Vikings fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • What's the best part about dating a Vikings fan? She won't be asking for a ring!
  • What do you call a beautiful girl in Minnesota? A tourist.
  • Why do Minnesota Vikings fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • How do you casterate a Minnesota Vikings fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • How did the Minnesota Vikings fan die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
  • How did the Minnesota Vikings fan die from drinking milk?
  • What did the Vikings fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
  • How many Minnesota Vikings fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • What is the new Vikings official cologne creating a lot of buzz? You wear it and the other guy scores.
  • What happened after Brett Favre was fined for inappropriate behavior towards a former Playboy model? His wife took half of everything he owns!
  • What is a Minnesota Vikings fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat the Packers."
  • What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple Minnesota Vikings games.
  • What do the Minnesota Vikings and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
  • How do you keep an Minnesota Vikings out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • What did the Packers say to the Vikings? Look at my Super bowl Ring
  • What do the MN Vikings & Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 40,000 people stand up & yell "Jesus Christ!"
  • Did you hear about the joke that Teddy Bridgewater told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • How do you know the Minnesota State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Minneapolis. For the first offense, they give you two Vikings tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • How many Vikings fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in Green Bay's shadow!
  • Why are so many Minnesota Vikings players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
  • What's the difference between the Minnesota Vikings and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • Want to hear a Vikings joke? Adrian Peterson!
  • How many Minnesota Vikings does it take to win a Super Bowl? Nobody knows and we may never find out!
  • How do you keep a Vikings fan from masterbating? You paint his dick New Orleans gold and he won't beat it for years!
  • Did you hear that Minnesota's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • What does an Minnesota Vikings fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • How do you keep a Vikings fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Green Bay Green and Gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • What's the smallest room in the Metrodome? The Minnesota Vikings trophy room!
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Minnesota Vikings fan? The bucket.
  • What do you call a Minnesota Viking with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.
  • If you have a car containing a Vikings wide receiver, a Vikings linebacker, and a Vikings defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • What does a wrecked car and the Minnesota Vikings have in common? Neither has a title!
  • Why does President Obama want to send Vikings QB Christian Ponder to Syria? The CIA are convinced Christian is the only American who can overthrow Bashir Assad.
  • How do you know the Vikings had a 8-8 record this year? 8 arrests and 8 convictions.
  • Why can't Teddy Bridgewater use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • What does a Minnesota Vikings fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • How hard did the Chicago Bears hit Vikings QB Brett Favre before he left the game with a concussion? So hard he sent a girl a picture of himself with his pants on!