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Miami Dolphins Jokes  

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  • What's the difference between the Dolphins and cigarettes? Bill Belichick doesn't smoke cigarettes
  • Why are so many Miami Dolphins players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
  • Did you hear about the joke that Ryan Tannehill told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • How do the Dolphins spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights
  • What is the difference between a Dolphins fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • What is the new Dolphins official cologne creating a lot of buzz? You wear it and the other guy scores.
  • What did the Denver Broncos get for trading Brandon Marshall to the Miami Dolphins? A first round pick and a felon to be named later!
  • How do you keep the Miami Dolphins out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • What's the difference between the New England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins? The last Patriots Super Bowl team picture isn't in black and white.
  • A: Four Dolphins fans watching a football game.
  • How do you stop an Miami Dolphins fan from beating his wife? Dress her in New England Red, White, and blue!
  • A: They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • How many Miami Dolphins does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • Want to hear a Dolphins joke? Jay Ajayi!
  • Why is Kenny Stills like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • How do you know the Florida State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Miami.
  • A. The cow fell on him!
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and an Miami Dolphins fan? The bucket.
  • How many Dolphins fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in New Englands shadow!
  • What's the difference between the Miami Dolphins & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • Where do you go in Miami in case of a tornado? Sun Life Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
  • What do the Miami Dolphins and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
  • What does a Miami Dolphins fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • What is a Miami Dolphins fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat the Patriots."
  • What's the difference between the Miami Dolphins & the Taliban?
  • A: For the first offense, they give you two Dolphins tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • What should you do if you find three Miami Dolphins football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • What do the Miami Dolphins and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • What's the difference between Miami Dolphins fans and mosquitoes?
  • What do the Miami Dolphins and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • What's the difference between Miami Dolphins fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • How do you know the Dolphins had a 8-8 record this year? 8 arrests and 8 convictions.
  • What was Chad Henne's latest injury in a Miami Dolphins uniform? A torn labia!
  • How many Miami Dolphins fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • What's the difference between an Miami Dolphins fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • What do you use to sack the new Dolphins quarterback? Your fishing tackle.
  • What do you call a beautiful girl in Miami? A tourist. Just kidding, Miami girls are Hot!
  • What do you call an Miami Dolphins in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  • What do you call a Dolphins fan with half a brain?
  • What's the difference between the Miami Dolphins and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • Why do the Miami Dolphins want to change their name to the Miami Tampons? Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
  • How did the Miami Dolphins fan die from drinking milk?
  • How do you keep a Dolphins fan from masterbating? You paint his dick New England Red, White, and blue and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • Why do ducks fly over Sun Life stadium upside down? There's nothing worth craping on!
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Miami Dolphins.
  • What do the Dolphins and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • If you have a car containing a Dolphins wide receiver, a Dolphins linebacker, and a Dolphins defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • What did the Dolphins fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
  • Did you hear that Miami's football team doesn't have a website?
  • How do you keep a Dolphins fan from masterbating? You paint his dick New England red, white, and blue and he won't beat it for years!
  • Did you hear about the joke that Ryan Tannehill told his receivers?
  • How do you know the Florida State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Miami. For the first offense, they give you two Miami Dolphins tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • Why can't Ryan Tannehill use the phone anymore? Because he can't find the receiver.
  • How are the Dolphins like my neighbors?
  • Why do Miami Dolphins fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • Where do you go in Miami in case of a tornado?
  • What do the Dolphins and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday.
  • Why are Miami Dolphins jokes getting dumber and dumber?? Because Dolphins fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • How do you casterate an Miami Dolphins fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple Miami Dolphins games.
  • What's the difference between the New England Patriots and the Miami Dolphins? The last Patriots Super Bowl team picture isn't in black and white
  • How do you stop an Miami Dolphins fan from beating his wife? Dress her in New England Red, White, and blue!.
  • A: Sun Life Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!
  • Why doesn't Orlando have a professional football team? Because then Miami would want one.
  • A: It went over their heads.
  • What do you call a Miami Dolphin with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.
  • A: The Taliban has a running game!
  • What's the difference between the Miami Dolphins and a pinball machine? The pinball machine scores more points.
  • A. They can't pick up a single yard!
  • Why did Bill Parcells go to the bank? To get his quater back!
  • What does an Miami Dolphins fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • Did you hear that Miami's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • What is a Miami Dolphins fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat New England."
  • Why do NFL teams get excited about playing the Dolphins? It's like having an extra bye week.
  • What has eight arms and an I. of 60?