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Detroit Lions Jokes  

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  • What is a Detroit Lions fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat Green Bay."
  • What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60? Four Lions fans watching a football game.
  • What do you call a Detroit Lion in the Super Bowl? A referee.
  • What do the Detroit Lions and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common? Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  • How do you stop an Detroit Lions fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Green Bay green and gold.
  • How do the Lions spend the first week of training camp? Studying the Miranda Rights
  • What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a pinball machine? The pinball machine scores more points.
  • What is the difference between a Lions fan and a baby? The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  • A. There's nothing worth craping on!
  • What is th difference between a bucket of shit and a Detroit Lions fan? The bucket.
  • Did you hear that Detroit's football team doesn't have a website? They can't string three "Ws" together.
  • Why do they have a Ford plant so close to the Ford Field? Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.
  • Q. Why do ducks fly over Ford Field upside down?
  • What's the difference between the Detroit Lions and a dollar bill? You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  • What does a Detroit Lions fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.
  • How do you casterate an Detroit Lions fan? Kick his sister in the mouth
  • How do you know the Lions had a 8-8 record this year? 8 arrests and 8 convictions.
  • Why is Marvin Jones like a grizzly bear? Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  • Where do you go in Detroit in case of a tornado? Ford Field they never get a touchdown there!
  • Did you hear about the joke that Matthew Stafford told his receivers? It went over their heads.
  • How do the Lions count to 10? 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10.
  • What's the difference between the Detroit Lions & the Taliban? The Taliban has a running game!
  • Did you hear about the blonde burglar? He broke into the Detroit Lions' trophy room.
  • How do you stop an Detroit Lions fan from beating his wife? Dress her in Green Bay Yellow and Green!
  • How many Lions fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in Chicago's shadow!
  • What's the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead? Have him watch a couple Detroit Lions games.
  • What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl? The Detroit Lions.
  • How many Detroit Lions does it take to win a Super Bowl? Nobody knows and we may never find out!
  • What do you call an Detroit Lion with a Super Bowl ring? A thief.
  • What do the Detroit Lions and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell "Jesus Christ".
  • How many Detroit Lions fans does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!
  • What should you do if you find three Detroit Lions football fans buried up to their neck in cement? Get more cement.
  • What do the Detroit Lions and possums have in common? Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  • What does a detroit lion football player and a cheating husband have in common? They Both Lion (lyin')
  • What is a Detroit Lions fan's favorite whine? "We can't beat the Bears!"
  • Q. How are the Detroit Lions like my neighbors?
  • How did the Detroit Lions fan die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him!
  • Why are Detroit Lions jokes getting dumber and dumber?? Because Lions fans have started to make them up themselves.
  • What's the difference between Detroit Lions fans and mosquitoes? Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  • How many Detroit Lions does it take to change a tire? One, unless it's a blowout, in which case they all show up
  • How many Lions fans does it take to change a light bulb? None they are happy living in Chicago's shadow!
  • What's the best part about dating a Lions fan? She won't be asking for a ring!
  • What do the Detroit Lions and the mailman have in common? Neither deliver on Sunday.
  • Why did Matthew Stafford cross the road? To get to the hospital on the other side!
  • Q. How did the Detroit Lions fan die from drinking milk?
  • Why do Detroit Lions fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards? So they can park in handicap spaces.
  • Want to hear a Lions joke? Marvin Jones!
  • How do you keep a Lions fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Green Bay green and he won't beat it for years!
  • Why do the Detroit Lions want to change their name to the Detroit Tampons? Because they are only good for one period and do not have a second string!
  • What does LIONS stand for? Lucky In Our Next Season.
  • How are the Detroit Lions like my neighbors? They can't pick up a single yard!
  • How do you keep an Detroit Lions out of your yard? Put up goal posts.
  • What is the new Lions official cologne creating a lot of buzz? You wear it and the other guy scores.
  • Why did Matthew Stafford cross the road? To get to the hospital on the other side!
  • What's the difference between a Detroit Lions fan and a carp? One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  • A. The cow fell on him!
  • What did the Lions fan say after his team won the Super Bowl? "Dammit mom, why'd you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!"
  • What does an Detroit Lions fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl? He turns off the PlayStation 3.
  • How do you keep a Lions fan from masterbating? You paint his dick yellow and green and he won't beat it for years!
  • Jim Scwartz is reported to be moving to Detroit. He says he wants to get as far away from football as he can.
  • According to AAA, the average distance traveled at Thanksgiving was 549 miles roundtrip. The Detroit Lions, on the other hand, couldn't even go 10 yards.
  • What do you call a beautiful girl in Detroit? A tourist.
  • Why doesn't Grand Rapids have a professional football team? Because then Detroit would want one.
  • What do the Lions and the Post Office have in common? Neither deliver on Sundays!
  • If you have a car containing a Lions wide receiver, a Lions linebacker, and a Lions defensive back, who is driving the car? The cop.
  • Why are so many Detroit Lions players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don't have to touch the pigskin!
  • How do you know the Michigan State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Detroit. For the first offense, they give you two Detroit Lions tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  • How do you keep a Lions fan from masterbating? You paint his dick Green Bay Green and Gold and he won't beat it for 4 years!
  • How do you know the Michigan State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Detroit? For the first offense, they give you two Lions tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.